Lay Me Down
by Lady-Annabeth-Winchester
Summary: Summary: The aftermath of Dean and Sam finding Castiel on the road. They bring him back to the batcave to recover where he explains what happened to him. Destiel, rated T for now but that might change
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: The aftermath of Dean and Sam finding Castiel on the road. They bring him back to the batcave to recover where he explains what happened to him.**

**I posted this on tumblr first and I was encouraged to post it on here as well. This is my first ever Destiel story. For now it's going to be rated T but that might change, I'm not sure yet. I don't have a certain plan for this story. **

**Please review if you like it, all reviews help me.**

* * *

"A little help here?" the angel said, his voice relatively calm despite the situation.

His tone even held a bit of sarcasm as he looked upon the two hunters who stood beside the Impala, dumbstruck by his sudden appearance. But where his voice was calm and sarcastic, his eyes held desperation and pain. His hand trembled where it was pressed to his stomach and covered in blood. The older Winchester finally snapped out of his shocked trance and ran forward, Sam following him at a slower pace. Dean squatted next to him, his hands hovering over his body.

"Cas, what the hell happened to you?" Dean demanded.

He looked up at the familiar hunter.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd like to have this conversation off of the middle of the road when I am bleeding much less."

Castiel winced in pain as it seared through his abdomen. His body struggled to heal itself after the bullet and Crowley's hand ravaged the inside of his vessel. It didn't help that he used much of his grace to jump around the restaurants continuously before they ever found him. All in all, the angel was exhausted. He slumped in the brothers' arms once they helped him up to shuffle him over to the car. Castiel could feel that Dean supported him much more than Sam, who was even weaker than the last time they saw each other. When they finally made it to the still running Impala, Dean helped Cas into the backseat as Sam stood back watching in case his help became necessary. The wounded angel fell face down on the seat and immediately struggled to turn over.

"Whoa hey, what are you doing?" Dean said, trying to force him into stillness without hurting him.

"I do not wish to get blood on your upholstery and lose the privilege of riding in your car." Cas hissed out, both hands clutching at his wound now.

"I'm not really worried about that right now." Dean sighed, a testament to how much the angel's condition concerned him. "Just try not to hurt yourself even more. We'll get you home soon."

Castiel's blue eyes peered at him curiously, glittering in the darkness.

"Home?"

He said the word as if it was foreign on his tongue, like it never occurred to him that he might experience such a thing.

"Yeah Cas…" Dean said, reaching out to tug the dirty trench coat around the trembling angel's figure. "… home."

* * *

When they pulled up to the bunker an impressive amount of time later thanks to Dean's speeding, the older Winchester practically leapt out of the car. He carelessly left it running but he didn't pay it any mind once he ripped the backseat door open. Sam sighed, reaching out to turn it off. By the time he climbed out of the passenger seat, Dean already pulled Cas out of the back gently, positioning the angel's arm over his shoulder.

"Get the door?" Dean requested, slowly shuffling around the car while he supported almost all of Castiel's weight.

The younger brother rushed forward as quickly as he could and unlocked the door to the Men of Letters batcave with his own shaking hands. He stubbornly remained standing, watching Dean help their friend through the door and lower him into one of the chairs. As it turned out, Dean didn't forget about his brother's condition. One stern look that held the threat of another ice bath was all that it took for Sam to collapse into a chair as well. Castiel was slumped in his own chair limply, unable to fight Dean as the hunter began shedding his clothing slowly and gently.

"Cas?" Sam leaned forward, his curiosity and concern overtaking his tiredness.

"Naomi found me." the angel finally said, wincing when Dean peeled his shirt off of his frame.

"She did this to you?" Dean demanded, unbridled anger flashing in his eyes.

"Not exactly." Castiel replied, inhaling sharply once Dean pulled his hands away from the wound.

It was still painfully stretched from both Crowley's and his own hand's invasion of the wound.

"Crowley found Naomi. He managed to create an angel killing gun by melting down a sword into bullets. Naomi ran off with hr tail between her legs, leaving me with Crowley and an angel, an old friend, that he had on his payroll."

His words cut off as Dean stood, holding his hand up in a 'wait' motion before walking out of the room. Castiel took the chance to glance around the room. It was large with bookshelves and other antique objects lining the walls. This must have been the bunker that he heard Dean mention in his prayers.

"Did Crowley shoot you, Cas?" Sam questioned.

The angel turned his head to look at the younger brother. His eyes were sunken and tired, his skin pale, and his frame thinner and hunched over. Cas nodded slowly as he took his appearance in.

"And then he shoved his hand into my vessel to remove the angel tablet where I had it hidden." He said, his body twitching at the memory of the white hot pain.

"Damn, Cas. Why would you hide a tablet in your chest?" Dean wondered as he walked back into the room with a first aid kit.

"It turned out to be the safest place I could think of." He sighed.

"Well it's pretty badass." The older brother claimed, squatting in front of him.

"Badass as it may seem…" Castiel said, repeating Dean's description for his actions. "… it was worthless. Crowley has the angel tablet now as well as the prophet. These things are very dangerous in his hands. I must recover immediately so that I may go and get it back. It does not belong in Crowley's hands."

He leaned forward for emphasis and groaned as pains hot through him. Dean pushed him back with a warning look.

"You aren't going anywhere with a hole in your stomach."

Cas sighed, frustrated, and leaned his head back.

"Crowley doesn't have Kevin anymore. We got him back and he's safe." Dean informed him after a few moments of silence.

Castiel looked down at him with surprise, watching as the hunter mopped up the blood around the wound.

"How did you manage that?" he questioned.

"With a little help." Dean answered, glancing at Sam. "We found Metatron."

The angel leaned forward again, accidentally knocking Dean's hands away.

"How? Where? It was assumed that he was dead." He said, shocked.

"Dude, sit back and stay there or I will tie you down" Dean threatened, annoyed by his constant movement.

Cas narrowed his eyes and grabbed Dean's sleeve.

"I must know, Dean. It's important." he stressed.

"Sit back and shut up and I'll tell you." he sighed, pushing him back yet again.

"Before we go any further, am I going to have to dig a bullet out of you?"

Castiel shook his head.

"I pulled it out and used it as a weapon against the angel that was guarding me."

Dean and Sam stared at him.

"You killed an angel with a bullet and no gun?" Sam asked, sounding impressed.

"I was desperate. Crowley would have tortured me endlessly if I remained in his possession." He said, wincing again when Dean pressed gauze to his stomach.

Dean whistled lowly before glancing up at the angel, inspecting his bruised and bloody face.

"Cas, why aren't you healing?" he asked, his brow furrowing.

"Quite a bit of my grace was used when I was running away from Naomi. Then Crowley shot me and that used up even more. I am running low and my vessel is exhausted." He admitted.

"Well I'm going to have to sew this up before your intestines spill right out or you go into shock from blood loss." Dean informed him.

The angel's first reaction was to protest that he would be fine but the concerned look in the eyes of the human in front of him stopped the words in his throat. He nodded slowly, unwilling to argue with Dean.

"All right. But first let me get Sam into his room." he grabbed Castiel's wrists and led them to the gauze over the wound. "Press down on this."

"Dean…" Sam began to argue.

"Sam, I swear I will knock you out if you argue with me. you cannot keep denying your body sleep." Dean snapped, walking to his brother and hoisting him up.

"You should be worrying about Cas. He needs your attention more." The younger Winchester grumbled as his older brother hauled him to his room.

"I will as soon as you're lying down." Dean replied without missing a beat.

Sam sighed as he dropped onto his bed. Dean began stripping his jacket and shirt off.

"Dean I can do it myself." He snapped.

"Shut up." Dean shot back, wrestling him under the covers and pulling them over his body up to his chin. "Do not get up or I will take a page out of Kevin's book and put a frying pan to your stubborn as hell head."

Dean pointed at him threateningly before turning to walk out. Sam sighed as he turned off the light and closed the door.

* * *

Dean walked back into the main room to see Castiel sitting there with his head tilted back.

"What do you think about the place?" he said, turning the angel's attention to him once again.

"I have not seen enough of it to make a judgment but this room is quite nice." Cas allowed in a quiet voice.

"I'll give you a tour later when you're not bleeding all over the place." Dean said, returning to his spot in front of the chair.

Castiel's hands moved and allowed him to pull the gauze away.

"It'll be easier for me to sew this up if you're lying down." He said, inspecting the wound.

"Should I climb onto the table?"

Dean glanced up with a look of surprise at Castiel's tone to see a glint of amusement in his eyes.

"I think we can get you to a bedroom instead. There's a free one next to mine." Dean replied, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly.

He helped Castiel up again, grabbing his discarded clothing before helping him hobble back to the room. Before Cas laid on the bed, Dean put a towel down to keep blood off of the blankets. Castiel laid back with a groan, his hair matted to his head and his skin paler than it should have been. They remained silent, Cas watching Dean closely, as Dean worked black through the eye of a needle. The hunter turned to him with a hesitant expression.

"This might hurt." He warned the angel.

"I've survived worse." Castiel said with certainty, steeling himself for the pinch of the needle when it pierced his skin.

He laid his head back and stared at the ceiling, perfectly still. Every once in a while, he could feel Dean's eyes on his face. It seemed like an hour went by before Dean clipped the thread and drew away.

"Let me sterilize the wound one more time before I cover it." he said.

"I doubt I'm going to get infected, Dean." Castiel said, remembering that the fear of a wound becoming infected was a common concern for humans.

"Just humor me." Dean replied.

Cas didn't say another word, looking around at the bed that he was on.

"This is comfortable." He commented after a moment as Dean dug through the first aid box.

"It's memory foam." Dean said, smiling slightly at the thought.

"How does a mattress qualify as an object with a memory?"

Dean let out a single chuckle, shaking his head.

"You just wait until you lay down in it again. It'll remember you." he informed the angel.

"I will take your word for it." Cas said.

Dean smiled at first before it faded as the meaning of Castiel's words truly sunk in. He withdrew his hands from where he was sterilizing the wound with alcohol once more before he covered it with a large bandage. Cas stared up at him questioningly.

"What the hell does that mean?" Dean demanded. "You'll take my word for it? So you won't be sticking around, then?"

It occurred to the angel what he said and the implications of his words.

"Dean…" he sighed.

"You just got back, Cas. You were gone for weeks without a word." He said in an accusing tone.

"I know." Castiel said.

"No you don't know! You disappeared right after you told me you were being controlled. For all we knew, you were dead from the second you left. Then Naomi shows up…"

The angel sat up, careless of the fact that his wound remained uncovered.

"What do you mean, Naomi showed up?" he demanded.

"Lay back down, Cas." Dean sighed, trying to push him down onto the bed.

"No." he said, slapping his hands away. "What did Naomi do?"

Dean shook his head, standing up.

"It's not what she did as much as what she said." he said as he threw the bloody gauze in the trash.

He kicked the door of the bathroom open and held his bloody hands under the faucet. When he turned to find a towel, he stopped short when he saw Castiel standing in the doorway, his shirt hanging loosely on his frame, unbuttoned. His eyes were narrowed angrily and he looked like he was ready to strangle someone.

"Cas, would you just sit down at least?" he demanded, wiping his hands dry on a towel.

"Tell me what Naomi said." Cas said, an unmovable barrier in the doorway.

"The longer you spend using whatever strength you have left, the longer it's going to take for you to recover." Dean said, staring into his eyes.

He really should have known better than to attempt a staring contest with Castiel, who never knew when to stop staring. The angel's wide blue eyes gazed deep into his green orbs as if he was trying to get his answers simply from looking into them.

"She extended me a damn olive branch, telling me that we were on the same side and that she wanted to make sure that we closed the gates of hell. She even helped Sam finish the second trail." Dean finally said, moving towards the door.

Castiel moved out of the way, watching as he walked to the bed and lifted the towel off, throwing it into the corner to go to the laundry later.

"Why didn't you have angel-proofing sigils? They should be all over this building." The angel said.

"I wasn't here. I was at the boat with Kevin." Dean said dismissively.

"That place should have sigils too, Dean. Why aren't you protecting yourself? You knew that Naomi wanted you dead! She ordered me to kill you!" Cas said, stepping forward.

"Because I didn't want to keep you away!" Dean snapped back, turning to face Castiel. "I didn't want you to try to come back and find that you couldn't."

They stared at each other for a moment before Cas sat on the bed, his hands on his knees and his shirt still unbuttoned.

"That was very reckless of you, Dean." He said in a quiet voice, staring down at the floor.

The hunter crossed to the bed and picked up the bandage.

"Sit back so I can put this on you." he said, his voice a little bit rougher than normal.

Cas let himself be pushed back and his arms went behind him to steady himself. Dean pushed his stained button-down shirt out of the way and carefully placed the bandage over the stitched up wound. He smoothed out the edges, making sure they didn't curl up in a way that would make the bandage peel off prematurely. He felt eyes on him and glanced up to see Castiel staring at him. His hands stilled for a moment and Dean realized that they were touching the skin of the angel's torso.

He pulled away, standing up with Cas watching his every movement.

"I'll… go get you something to wear. Your clothes are too bloody to keep on. We can figure out a way to clean them all up tomorrow." Dean said, turning to the door.

"That's not necessary. I can fix them when my grace has recovered." Cas said.

"Okay." Dean nodded, glancing back at him. "I'll still get you some clothes, though."

He left the room and took a deep breath as he walked into his own room. Digging through his clothes, he came up with a pair of grey boxers and a black t-shirt. He slid his jacket and shoes off before turning to walk back to Castiel's room. He stopped his mind short, not realizing that he'd stopped in the middle of the hallway as well. The angel hadn't been in there for more than thirty minutes and Dean was already referring to it as _Cas's _room. When he walked into the room again, he was nowhere to be seen. His clothing, however, was all draped across a chair in the corner. Dean heard the water from the sink running and his eyes caught sight of the closed bathroom door. For some reason, Dean felt his mouth suddenly go dry.

"Hey Cas!" he said loudly, his voice scratchy as his throat felt. "I got you some clothes! I'll leave them on the bed."

He set the boxers and t-shirt on the bed and turned to leave the room. That was when the door to the bathroom opened. He turned to see Castiel's head peeking out of the door.

"I did not hear you, Dean. The water was running."

Dean stared at him for a moment, taking in his bare shoulders.

"Uh… I left the clothes on the bed." He said, pointing.

"Thank you, Dean." The angel said, staring straight at him.

Dean nodded simply before turning to walk out of the room, his heart pounding in his chest for some reason.

* * *

Cas felt vulnerable. Even when he was in his less-than-sane state before his trip to purgatory, he'd never worn so little clothing. Unless, of course, the vague memory of frolicking with the bees naked and appearing in front of Dean on the Impala was a real memory rather than a hallucination. Castiel rather hoped it wasn't real because that would make him feel even more vulnerable in front of the elder Winchester. He was clean, his body and face divested of all the blood. He looked around, wondering what he was supposed to do. Outside the sun was just rising but he was certain that both of the Winchesters would be sleeping since they'd presumably been driving all night. After a few moments of standing, he walked out of the room and glanced around the hallway. There was a door beside the room he walked out of and he remembered Dean telling him that his room was next door.

The door wasn't closed but he didn't know what to do. Dean didn't like anyone walking in on him or surprising him in any manner. If he'd learned anything, Cas knew that. Hesitantly, he peered around the corner to see Dean sitting on his bed with his elbows on his knees and his head bowed. Castiel hesitated, watching the scene with interest. Dean's prayers from the past few months echoed through his mind and he could see Dean sitting in that exact position speaking them aloud, looking around, waiting for Cas to appear. Something akin to guilt stabbed Castiel's heart. Logically, the angel knew that it was through almost no fault of his that he was unable to answer Dean's prayers. After all, Naomi had a tight leash on him in his time in heaven.

Castiel winced, not wanting to think about it. He stepped forward into the room, announcing his presence with a knock on the door. He knew enough to know that it was a proper way of entering someone else's room. Dean glanced up and he looked over Cas's body slowly. He almost backed out of the room, feeling vulnerable once again. Just before he turned to put the other clothes on, bloody or not, Dean spoke.

"You should be lying down Cas… resting." He sighed.

"I do not need rest, Dean. I don't sleep and I have moved around just fine with worse wounds." Cas said, standing in the doorway staring at Dean.

Part of him was curious to look around the room that Dean was calling home but he did not want to encroach on the hunter's territory and force himself into a place that he didn't belong.

"Well I need my four hours and Sam is sleeping." Dean said, pushing himself up to a standing position. "Can you go… I don't know… lay down and shut your eyes?"

Castiel's eyes widened and he shook his head.

"No, no I can't do that." he said.

Dean furrowed his brow at the angel, not expecting that strong of a reaction out of him.

"But…"

"Dean I said no!" Cas snapped, reminiscent of when Dean encouraged him to go back to heaven back when they were working the looney tunes case.

This time, instead of arguing the point, Dean gave him an understanding look. There was something serious that made him want to avoid lying down and shutting his eyes. He could sympathize with that. It happened to him plenty of times. After a particularly difficult hunt or a nightmare, there would be one image that wouldn't leave his mind. Every time he closed his eyes for more than a few moments, it would be there… torturing him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked simply.

Cas stared up at him before the image appeared in his head out of nowhere, over a thousand dead Deans splattered across the large room, all of them killed by the angel's own hands. All of them begging for their lives just before Castiel ended it. He shook his head, stumbling away as his hands shook a little bit. For a moment, he was almost afraid that he was back in that place. That Naomi still had him and that the Dean in front of him was another that he would be forced to kill.

"Cas?" Dean said, stepping forward with his hand slightly outstretched.

The sound of Dean's bones crunching underneath his fist flashed through his mind and he winced, pushing himself further back.

"No." he choked out.

Then he was gone, having disappeared from the room. Dean stared around, panic rising.

* * *

**Please review! My name on tumblr is lady-annabeth-crowley if you want to go see the fic on there for quicker updates. They are shorter but quicker as I do them more frequently.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: The aftermath of Dean and Sam finding Castiel on the road. They bring him back to the batcave to recover where he explains what happened to him.**

**Wow thank you so much to everyone who is already reading this. You're all amazing.**

**A special thanks to k-mamma, Isa-Just-Me, Der Adler des Mondes, the-poette, theidleraspberry, The Mysterious Shadow, Kat A. Klysmic, CJAcrologic, and the guest for reviewing!**

**Once again, please review if you like it, all reviews help me.**

* * *

It wasn't until several moments later that Dean heard a crash from the next room over. He ran into it, stopping at the doorway to see Cas hunched against the dresser where he'd knocked the lamp off. Blood was trickling out of his mouth.

"I should not have attempted that so soon." The angel admitted, stumbling away and staggering weakly.

Dean launched forward and caught him, holding him up. Cas' hands went to his upper arms to steady himself.

"Come on." the hunter helped him over to the bed and helped him lie down.

Before Castiel could protest, he lifted the black t-shirt to make sure that the stitches of the wound hadn't ripped already. The bandage was clean, no blood leaking through. Dean glanced up at the angel as he tugged the t-shirt back down.

"You want to tell me what that was about?" he asked.

Cas's eyes, for once, averted away and stared at the wall. He sighed and stood, walking into the bathroom to retrieve a washcloth. He wetted it with warm water and walked back in. The angel's eyes snapped back to his face when he began dabbing his bloody lips with the towel. Suddenly Castiel's hand came up and gripped Dean's wrist. Wide green eyes met blue as the memory of the crypt flashed through both of their minds.

"_I know you can hear me, Cas. It's me."_

Dean hesitated for a moment before pulling away and walking into the bathroom. He laid the towel on the counter and happened to glance up into the mirror before he walked back out. The feeling of Cas holding his wrist left his skin tingling slightly.

"_We're family."_

He walked back into the room to see Cas struggling to sit up. He leaned back against the headboard and laid his head on it, looking pained as he stared at the ceiling. But this wasn't a physical pain. Dean knew what mental and emotional pain looked like, knew how it looked on a person's face.

"Cas?"

The angel's eyes met his and they looked broken.

"What else did Naomi tell you?" the angel questioned, looking afraid of the answer.

Dean sighed and leaned against the wall, running his hands down his face.

"She… she tried to twist things, tried to make herself seem like the good guy. She even claimed that she wanted to help you. She… lied with the truth." Dean explained.

"She told you that I was off the rails… insane." Castiel nodded, his hands gripping the blankets underneath him.

His blue eyes met Dean's once again.

"Why didn't you heed her warning? Why didn't you protect yourself against me? What would it take for you to realize that I am a danger to you? I almost killed you. I was going to kill you." The angel demanded.

Dean stared at him.

"That wasn't you, Cas. That was Naomi." He said.

"_We need you."_

Suddenly the angel was up and advancing on him, looking much less intimidating out of his sweeping trench coat and backwards tie.

"It doesn't matter Dean! It was my hand beating your face to a bloody pulp! It was my hand holding the weapon that would kill you! Why didn't you protect yourself against me? I was your greatest threat and you recklessly chose to ignore the fact that I tried to kill you because you thought that I was going to come back?"

Castiel drew closer, his hands unknowingly fisting in Dean's thin t-shirt and putting them closer to each other than they'd been in a while. Dean stared into the angel's eyes without wavering, refusing to look away as Cas ranted.

"You should have been praying that I didn't return so that you could keep yourself and your brother safe! Why didn't you? Why didn't you keep me away?"

"_I need you."_

"Because I need you, Cas!"

Cas stared into his eyes for a moment before sighing and moving to step away. He knew that leaving Dean and Sam behind was the best thing to do for them. At least he should leave before Dean figured out what Naomi forced him to do. He doubted the hunter would need him quite so much when he discovered that Cas killed him over a thousand times while Dean was praying for him to come back.

"I wish that were not the case, Dean, only so that I could find it easier to protect you by leaving you." he said, drifting back to the bed and looking down at it. "This is the third time you have said those words to me and each time I find it more difficult to leave."

"Then don't leave." The hunter said simply.

Cas let out a breathy noise that might have been a laugh if circumstances were different.

"It sounds so simple when you say it like that but I'm putting you in danger merely by remaining for this long. If I were smarter and less selfish, I would have left long ago."

"Please stay, Cas."

On the outside, Dean's tone was normal. To a stranger's point-of-view, it might have even been seen as aloof and careless. But Castiel knew this man well enough, knew his intricacies inside and out, and he could hear the pleading in his voice, the desperation that mimicked the angel's longing need to protect the man behind him as best he could. Staying would not achieve that end, Cas was certain of it. On the other hand, could he really deny Dean what he was begging for? Could he look Dean in the eye and tell him that he was leaving once again? Could he fight the urge to stay when he saw the hurt look that flashed in Dean's eyes? Cas turned slowly, his hands clenched at his sides where they would usually be shoved into his trench coat pockets.

He knew it was selfish but he had to protect the human in front of him at all costs. It was not only part of the redemption that he so craved, but it was almost part of his basic instinct. Protecting Dean, and his brother and everyone else he'd managed to fail in his time on earth, it was natural to him. He would do what he had to do to protect all of them, especially the hunter in front of him looking at him with desperation and pleading.

"Dean, you do not know what Naomi did to me… you don't know what she had me do. I was not searching for the angel tablet that entire time that I was away. I was in heaven with Naomi. She was… forming me… brainwashing me. Resetting me to do what she wanted me to do." Castiel said.

"Yeah, I figured that much." Dean said, nodding.

"No, you don't understand. It was not a simple matter of her telling me to kill you and me obeying. She had to train me. I did kill you, hundreds of times, over and over again. I killed you. So tell me, Dean, how do you feel about me remaining here now? Knowing that in my mind, I have destroyed you countless times. That I have seen and experienced every which way that you can die by my hands. I have broken you, stabbed you, beat you, strangled you, sliced you open until your blood is splattered all over me." Cas said, each word carving him deeper and deeper into his chest as he knew that the hunter must have been disgusted and afraid of him by now.

Dean stared at him, his eyes wide as he processed the information. The words he said next shocked the angel into silence. They were never the ones he expected to hear.

"I don't care."

Castiel stared at him, unsure of how he was meant to respond.

"Dean you don't understand…"

"Oh I understand. I understand that another angel screwed us over. It doesn't surprise me. But it wasn't you, Cas. You didn't do a damn thing. You know who did all of that? Naomi." Dean said with certainty.

"Dean I attacked you. I was going to kill you. It was my hands that put you through pain. I went off the rails again. I did that." Cas argued.

"No, Cas. I've seen you off the rails. Trust me, you weren't fighting it then. Something brought you back and you stopped, you fought it. And those hands you say put me through pain? That's not true."

The angel stared at the hunter with confusion.

"Naomi tried to kill me. she used you as a weapon but you didn't have much of a say in the matter. You wanna know what your hands did?" Dean moved forward and grabbed Cas's wrist without really thinking about it.

He pulled his hand up to his face to the same place where he'd placed it back in that crypt. Castiel's eyes widened when their skin touched. He instinctively spread his hand over Dean's cheek. The rough stubble of his jaw scraped against the heel of his hand and the hunter's short hair tickled his fingers.

"You broke out of whatever trance she had you under. You could have just disappeared and taken the tablet with you. But you didn't do that. You put your hand to my face and you healed me. That's what you did, Cas. All on your own without anyone telling you to do it. You broke through Naomi's hold on you and you fixed what she broke."

Dean remained perfectly still once his rant ended. Their eyes stared into each other's and Castiel didn't dare to move his hand.

"It didn't make sense." The angel finally spoke.

Dean looked confused at his words.

"I killed you hundreds of times. Naomi had me practice over and over again so that if it came down to you or the tablet, I could kill you and take it to her. At the end I was trained, I was her puppet and she was pulling the strings. I was not in control of my own actions. Even if I tried to argue she forced me to do as she said anyway."

Cas took a deep breath and closed his eyes, remembering his words as he pleaded with Naomi not to make him kill Dean. The warm skin underneath his hand was the thing that kept him going.

"I begged her not to make me but I didn't have a choice. I was going to kill you. I wasn't meant to stop."

"Why did you?"

Castiel's eyes opened and he looked at Dean, who was staring back with a pained look. Instead of being afraid, the hunter looked sad and sympathetic.

"Was it the tablet?"

"No." Cas shook his head.

To be honest, he hadn't really known until now. Part of him thought that it might have been the tablet. That was why he literally kept it as close to himself as he could. when Crowley dug it out, Castiel was terrified that he would revert back to Naomi's control. But when he killed Ion and he was alone, he felt something tugging at him, pulling him. In the back of his mind, he knew what it was but it didn't really sink in. Cas just closed his eyes and followed the feeling, hoping that it would take him to safety. Then he opened his eyes and found himself lying in the middle of the road with the Impala speeding towards him.

"Cas?" Dean said questioningly, alarmed by his silence.

"The tablet reacted to the decision I already made to break Naomi's hold on me. Something else happened that pulled me out." he said, looking up at the taller man.

"What?" Dean wondered, thinking back on what else could have done that.

Was it possible that he felt Crowley's presence there and knew the demon was the bigger threat? Did he know that Sam was coming their way or that Meg was in danger? It was no secret that the angel held a soft spot for the demon.

"You."

"What?" Dean questioned, shocked by the admission.

"I heard your plea, I heard your reassurance that we were still family. That reached inside of my head and began breaking it down. Then you said…" Castiel broke off, inhaling sharply as he remembered the feeling that sparked in his chest when he heard the next three words.

"… you told me you needed me. for the first time, in my desperation to get back control from Naomi, I admitted something to myself… something that allowed me to shatter the remains of her hold. I knew that if I succeeded, if I killed you, I would not last long before following. You are the anchor that kept me from destroying my life out of my guilt for my past actions. Without you, there would be no reason to continue in a miserable, useless existence. If your death came about caused by my own hands, I would wish no less than a painful death on myself." Cas wasn't looking at Dean anymore.

His hand had drawn away sometime in his speech and he stepped away, looking down at his bare feet.

"I need you too, Dean." The angel said in a low voice, feeling a sense of release as he finally spoke the words that he realized, the words that pulled him out of his brainwashed trance.

"More than anything or anyone else. I needed you in purgatory so I remained away from you to keep you safe. Hearing your prayers at night was the only thing keeping me alive. Knowing each night that you were alive gave me the strength to keep going the next day. Hearing your voice reassuring me that we were still family and telling me that I was needed, that I had a purpose for someone outside of Naomi's control, gave me the strength to come back to myself. So it was you, Dean. You broke the control. You kept me alive. You saved me."

There were a few moments of silence and, if he didn't know better, Castiel would think that Dean disappeared.

"Cas." The hunter finally sighed.

The angel glanced up, his entire body tense when their eyes met. He couldn't decipher Dean's gaze. Every time he thought he knew the looks that the man gave him, a new one would surface. This was on that looked familiar to Cas but he couldn't place it. Before he knew it, Dean started forward and gathered him into a hug, his arms wrapped around Castiel's shoulders. He stood stock still for a moment just like he always did.

"You're not going anywhere, Cas. You're gonna stay here, okay?" Dean said gruffly, his voice rough and full of a range of emotions.

Cas wanted to argue that it would be safest for all of them if he did not remain at the bunker but he was too tired to argue. There was also the fact that he didn't want to leave. He wanted to remain here with Dean and with Sam. It's what he always wanted. Hesitantly, his hands came up and he touched them to the hunter's back, splaying them out over the thin, soft t-shirt.

"I will remain here, Dean." He finally said.

Underneath his fingers, he could feel the tension draining from Dean's muscles at his words. Instead of pulling away at Castiel's reassurance, Dean pulled him tighter into his body, inhaling deeply and relaxing even more.


	3. Chapter 3

**I haven't done this yet but here's a disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters. I wish I did cause this would be happening on the show if I did but I don't so we're stuck with whatever they give us. I'm sure it'll be wonderful, just not this.**

**A special thanks to jkwhedon1919, spnbluecats, Kat A. Klysmic, the-poette, k-mamma, Isabella, gnoing, and CJAcrologic for reviewing!**

**To ****spnbluecats****, I apologize for reading your mind. Sometimes I can't help it and it just happens. I'll try to avoid it in the future.**

**Once again, please review if you like it, all reviews help me.**

* * *

Castiel could see the exhaustion in Dean's eyes once they pulled away. His body was practically slumped over and his eyes were fluttering.

"You are tired, Dean. You should go rest." he said, looking at the hunter.

"What about… you wanted to know about Metatron." He said, fighting back a yawn.

"You can tell me when you wake up." Cas said simply.

Dean looked at him with surprise as if he was still shocked that the angel was actually remaining at the bunker.

"I told you I wouldn't leave and I meant it. I will be here when you wake."

He nodded once and then his eyes skirted over Castiel's figure, recognizing that he most likely felt uncomfortable in so little clothing.

"Here."

Cas watched with confusion as he walked to another door in the room and opened it. Only one thing was hanging in the closet. Dean pulled it out and held it out to the angel.

"It's a robe. You wear it over your pajamas."

Cas took it, holding the heavy weight of it in his hands. He didn't quite understand but he assumed that Dean expected him to put it on. Slowly, he slid his arms into the sleeves and pulled it up onto his shoulders. Immediately, he felt less vulnerable. It almost felt like he was wearing the trench coat again if it weren't for the different material of the robe. There were pockets that he could put his hands into. The material was dark blue and a little bit scratchy but not uncomfortably so.

"Thank you, Dean. I like this robe." Castiel decided, looking up at the hunter.

Dean looked pleased with himself for a moment.

"You should really rest a little, Cas. You look like you went fifty rounds with a bulldozer." The hunter said.

Cas tilted his head slightly at his words, squinting a little bit. The corners of Dean's mouth lifted at the sight, recognizing the gesture as so very Cas.

"I will limit my activity." Castiel finally said, allowing Dean a small victory.

"All right. You know where I am if you need me." he said, turning to walk out.

"Yes." Cas nodded in agreement.

When he was left alone in the room, he looked around. Now that he was without company, he had no idea what to do. He took the chance to actually look at the bedroom. It was quite bare, just a few little things in there including a lamp, phone, and a chair in the corner with his clothes thrown haphazardly on it. Cas picked the lamp up off the ground and placed it on the dresser again. The closet was still sitting open and several empty hangers were on the bar. Because he had nothing better to do, Castiel pulled his clothing off of the chair and carefully hung it all up just as he'd seen Dean and Sam do before in the motel rooms they frequented. When he placed the clothes in the closet, he felt almost satisfied to see that it was no longer empty. After several more minutes of standing with nothing to do, he finally stepped out into the hallway, intent on finding something to take up his time while the brothers slept.

Part of him was curious to explore the underground building but he remembered Dean's offer to give him a tour. The hunter seemed to be at least a little bit excited about the prospect and proud about the ability to give anyone a tour so Cas didn't want to take that away from him. He followed the hallway back to the main room and decided to look through the books that were lining the walls.

Many of the books were in different languages but Cas had no problem reading the titles, as he knew the languages of the world. He immediately came to the conclusion that the Men of Letters book collection was impressive and he was certain that he'd barely even scratched the surface.

Finally, after skimming over all of the books in the large room, he pushed himself up to his feet and looked around for something else to do. He was not used to waiting around while the brothers slept. Usually, Dean would not allow it. He didn't like to be watched while he slept.

He drifted back to the hallway, peeking in the empty rooms as he passed. Some were just that, empty. Others had boxes piled in them. One room was an entire storeroom of weapons with swords, machetes, knives, and other implements hung up on the walls.

When he arrived back at his room, he realized that he didn't want to just go in there and sit down. He heard a noise from Dean's room and, despite his knowledge that Dean did not like anyone around when he slept, he felt himself drawn to the room. The door was open so it made it easy for Cas to hover at the door.

One of the smaller lamps was on, casting the room into a dim light with shadows everywhere. The angel's eyes quickly skirted over the room. He hadn't paid attention to what it looked like when he was in the room before. It was similar to his in the furniture that was set up in the room. Only in Dean's room, the walls were covered in weapons neatly balanced on nails.

On the desk sat a strange contraption with a few square cardboard things with colorful covers on them. Cas recognized the name on the top one as Dean's favorite musical group, Led Zeppelin. It must have been a way for him to listen to his music in the room. His eyes were finally attracted to the bed and he felt guilty for peering into Dean's room while the man was asleep. He slowly began to back out but that was when he noticed. Dean was lying perfectly still on his back, unmoving. His head was turned to the side on the pillow. Cas stared at him for a few moments.

Suddenly the flash of another unmoving Dean went through his mind. Blood was leaking through his mouth and pouring out of his chest where the blade stabbed him, the same blade that was in the angel's hand. Castiel blinked his eyes several times but it didn't help. He squeezed his eyes shut and his hands went to either side of his head. More dead Deans flashed across his vision. When his eyes opened, he stared at Dean's figure on the bed.

His eyes searched out his chest desperately. It wasn't moving. The comforting rise and fall that told Castiel that he was still alive didn't happen. Without thinking clearly, the angel flew forward and grasped Dean's shoulders, shaking him.

"Dean! Dean wake up!"

It took mere seconds for the hunter to jerk awake and sit up, reaching for the knife underneath his pillow. His suddenly alert eyes caught sight of Castiel's fearful face and he looked stunned.

"Cas, what the hell?" he breathed, setting the weapon down.

The angel stared at him for a few moments, taking in the fact that he was alive, not dead.

_Alive, not dead. Alive, not dead_.

The words repeated in his head. It took him a few moments to realize that he was trembling once again. Leftover flashbacks of Dean's dead forms scattered around him mingled in his head.

_Alive, not dead._

The hunter was still staring at him with wide eyes. Cas did the only thing he knew to do, the thing he'd seen Dean do many times when his relief overwhelmed every other reaction in his body. He yanked Dean into him and wrapped his arms around his back. Because of their awkward position, Castiel's face ended up buried in Dean's shoulder. After a moment of surprise and hesitation, Dean slowly put his arms over Cas' shoulders, pulling him in closer.

"You weren't moving." Castiel said.

Well, he attempted to say it. His mouth was buried in Dean's t-shirt so his words were muffled.

"Hmm?" Dean said.

He lifted his face and set his forehead on Dean's shoulder, leaving his mouth free to speak.

"You weren't moving. I couldn't see you breathing. I thought that you were dead again. I was certain that… somehow… my presence here did exactly what I thought it would. I was sure that I killed you."

"Hey…"

Dean's hands seized his shoulders and he pushed him back to look him in the eyes.

"I'm right here, all right? I'm alive and well. You didn't kill me. I was just sleeping and when humans sleep, their breathing slows down a lot. You know that." he said reassuringly.

_Alive, not dead._

Cas' head dropped and he felt embarrassment flooding him.

"I apologize. I woke you for no reason. You might have just fell asleep." He sighed, feeling guilty and remorseful.

"It's no problem, Cas. I know how it is." Dean said with understanding.

The angel slid off of the bed and stood, looking at the hunter.

"I will leave you alone. I don't want to keep you from your slumber any longer."

Dean stopped him before he could leave, a hand on his wrist.

"God I can't believe I'm doing this." he muttered before looking at Cas. "How about you lay down?"

He gestured with his head over to the other side of the bed.

"What?" Cas said, surprised by his offer.

"Well I already know that you're not resting like you should be. I figure if I let you lay down next to me, maybe you'll stay still and then you won't wake me up again. Come on, Cas. I won't kick you too much in my sleep." He said.

Castiel hesitantly walked around the bed and sat on the edge.

"This seems like it will make you uncomfortable." He said.

"Yeah yeah, just stick to your side of the bed and I'll stick to mine." Dean said, lying back with his head on the pillow.

Cas pulled his legs up and sat there, his back ramrod straight and against the headboard. A few moments of silence passed with Castiel refusing to move. Dean's eyes popped open and he groaned, sitting up.

"For the love of…" he sighed, shaking his head. "I said lay down, Cas. Not sit there like a wooden doll. Come on."

The angel finally slid down and laid there, resting his head against the soft pillow. Dean's mattress felt the same as the other one. Cas folded his hand over his stomach and stared up at the ceiling. Dean must have been satisfied because silence lapsed between them once more.

Several minutes later, the hunter's breathing slowed and Castiel's head turned to look at him. His head was turned the other direction and his arms were lying over the covers at his side. His chest was rising and falling but much slower, just as Dean said it would. Hesitantly, Cas reached out and placed his hand over Dean's heart very gently. Sure enough, he could feel the steady thud of the muscle contracting underneath his hand.

_Alive, not dead._


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**A special thanks to the-poette, k-mamma, FireChildSlytherin5, theconsultingtardisbananaangel, The Mysterious Shadow, VampirePrinssess, Dean Winchester Rocks, Phoenix Autumn, stefanswifey01, and Isa-Just-Me for reviewing!**

**Once again, please review if you like it, all reviews help me.**

* * *

Castiel didn't know what to do. He'd followed Dean's direction and remained firmly on his side. Eventually his eyes did close, not out of exhaustion, but because he had nothing better to do. To keep his mind busy, he began translating texts in his head into different languages. Every time one of Dean's dead bodies flashed through his mind, he would gently reach over and touch the hunter's wrist, checking for his pulse quickly before letting go.

But then something shocking happened. Dean often shifted in his sleep, restlessly reacting to whatever was going on in his dream world. Then, very suddenly, the hunter was right next to Castiel. He was under the blankets so his body wasn't quite pressed right up to the angel's but his hand did grab Cas' shirt and yank him closer. He didn't want to wake Dean. He'd only been asleep for couple of hours and Castiel knew that he needed more.

On the other hand, the hunter was adamant about sticking to their sides and he unknowingly disobeyed his own command. Would he wake up and become angry with Cas for not telling him? That was the most likely option. To play it safe, Cas thought it would be best if he slid out of Dean's grip and left the bed. His hand gently took his wrist to pry it free. As he began shifting over, Dean's other hand came up and grasped the sleeve of his robe.

"I swear to God, Cas, if you try to leave this bed I'll glue you to it."

The sound of Dean's voice shocked him into stillness. There was a certain slur to it so Cas was certain that he was not fully lucid when he said it or Dean probably would have shoved the angel off of the bed trying to get back to his own side. Dutifully, Cas remained where he was and stared at the ceiling. It took him a few minutes to realize that he was still holding onto Dean's wrist. The steady pulse underneath his fingertips kept any more visions of the lifeless Deans from invading his mind.

* * *

Once he grew used to the idea that he wasn't going to be moving in a while, Castiel allowed himself to become immersed in his thoughts once again. One part of his mind was still keeping up with Dean and his status but he wasn't particularly focusing on the hunter. So when he heard a sharp inhale of breath a good amount of time later, possibly hours later, he snapped out of his thoughts immediately.

Dean was no longer under the covers. He'd thrown them off at some point. This would have been fine had he not decided that Cas's chest would make a more comfortable pillow than the ones that were created to serve such a purpose. His arm was thrown over Castiel's hips, another stark contrast to Dean's staunch refusal to touch anyone for too long.

If that wasn't bad enough, Dean's right leg and Castiel's left leg became entangled at some point. All in all, Dean was hanging onto him like a monkey would a tree. What made it worse was that Castiel somehow managed to keep his hand wrapped around Dean's wrist. Only as Dean moved around, the hand migrated slowly from his wrist to his hand.

So Castiel understood completely why Dean froze when his breathing sped up and his heart thundered against his ribcage. It must have been startling to fall asleep on one side of the bed and wake up on the other side lying across someone else. There was several moments of silence yet Cas knew that Dean was awake.

"When I attempted to fix our positions by taking my leave of the bed, you threatened to use adhesive to bind me to it." Castiel finally said as an excuse as to why he hadn't moved.

Suddenly, he felt Dean shaking next to him. Afraid that the human was having some sort of fit, Castiel drew away and looked at him with panic, wondering what he would do in such a situation. Dean rolled over onto his pillow, detaching from Cas. When the angel caught sight of the grin on his face and the redness of his cheeks, he realized that the hunter was laughing. Cas automatically felt the urge to follow Dean's example even though he had no idea why he was laughing. Dean glanced over at him and let out a loud guffaw before sitting up.

"Come on, Cas. Let's go get some food." He said, swinging his legs off of the bed and standing up.

Castiel didn't move, watching as Dean stretched out, his t-shirt riding up to show a sliver of his skin before he reached out and snagged his own robe off of the desk where it was tossed haphazardly.

"Dean, you know that, as an angel, I do not require sustenance as humans do." Cas reminded him as he stood, watching with interest as Dean fastened the thick belt of the robe around his waist.

He looked down at his own robe, wondering if he should do the same.

"You haven't had my burgers. They're delicious." Dean fired back, throwing a smirk at him before walking out of the room, his hair sticking up in all directions from his sleep.

Cas hesitated before following him, willing to try the food if it would please the hunter.

* * *

Castiel trailed behind Dean past the main room through a side door into another hallway. Passing several other doors, they came to a kitchen. It was large and comprised mostly of metal appliances, counters, and tables. Dean switched on the light and walked to the refrigerator, opening it.

"Do you make many meals here?"

Dean jumped, hitting his head against the top of the fridge.

"Damn, Cas. I thought you stayed back in the other room. You're even quieter without shoes on, if that's possible." Dean breathed, turning to face him with a hand on his chest.

"I apologize, Dean. Would you rather me go back?" the angel offered, stepping backwards.

"No no, it's fine." He said, chuckling slightly before turning to the refrigerator again.

Castiel stood there, watching as he pulled different ingredients out and set them on the counter. Dean pulled out different instruments as well, including knives and strange flat wooden boards. When he glanced over at the angel, he saw that Castiel's brow was knitted in confusion and his head was titled slightly with his hands shoved into his robe pockets.

"Cas?" he said.

The angel's head lifted to look him in the eyes.

"Yes, Dean?"

"Do you want to help?" the hunter asked.

The angel tilted his head even more.

"I do not know how to cook." He reminded Dean.

Dean smiled a little bit.

"Come on, you can do something."

Castiel walked to the counter.

"Tomatoes. Knife." Dean handed the sharp implement to him.

"I am well aware of what a knife is, Dean." Cas said in a deadpan voice.

"Yeah well… you're not killing anyone with this. Not this time, anyway. And try not to chop your fingers off, please." He said.

"What am I meant to be doing?" Castiel asked, looking up at him and feeling rather confused.

Dean sighed and took the knife from him, slicing the tomato a few times.

"Just like that." he said.

Cas nodded and set about on slicing it just like Dean did. The hunter turned away and turned a knob on the appliance in the corner, filling the room with heat after just a few minutes. He placed the meat on the grill and took up a spatula to flip them over periodically.

"Dean?" he looked back at the angel.

His eyes widened when he saw the mess on the cutting board. The tomato was practically mushed into a big pile of seeds and skin.

"Cas?" he said, staring at it. "How did you manage that?"

"I was trying to cut it like you did and it didn't… it didn't work. I don't know what I did." Cas stammered.

Dean stared at him for a moment before letting out a short laugh.

"It's all right, Cas." He said, chuckling as he walked towards him. "We have a lot of tomatoes. You can try again."

* * *

When they walked out into the big room, Sam was just stumbling in, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He immediately accepted a plate from Dean and collapsed into a chair. Before the elder Winchester ate his own food, he pulled a blanket off of the back of a chair and wrapped it around Sam's shoulders.

"Dean I told you I was feeling better yesterday." Sam sighed with annoyance.

"And I say you still look like you have the damn flu. Shut up and eat." Dean fired back, sitting down and digging into his own burger.

Castiel thought for a moment before drifting to the bookshelves.

"Cas you have a burger." Dean complained, watching as he knelt in front of them.

"I will eat it soon even though it is not necessary. Give me a moment." The angel replied, his eyes scanning over the bookshelves.

"It's gonna get cold." Dean informed him.

Cas glanced back at him and saw the disappointed flash in his eyes before it disappeared. He really wanted Castiel to try the burger. He sighed and stood, turning on his heel at the same time to walk to the table. Suddenly he hissed in pain and pressed his hand to his still tender wound. His grace was taking much longer to heal him than it should have been and the stitches that Dean gave him were still necessary.

"Cas?" Dean moved to stand up with a look of concern.

"I am fine, Dean. I just stood too quickly." He said, waving off the hunter as he walked to the table.

He sat down where Dean set the plate and stared at the burger. His body did not need the food yet he knew that eating it wouldn't hurt him either. He knew that Gabriel and Balthazar ate all the time without hurting their vessels. Hesitantly, he picked up the burger and bit into it. The taste exploded on his tongue and, from his vague memories of devouring burgers during their hunt of Famine, he knew that he'd never had a burger that tasted this good.

He felt eyes on him and looked up to see Dean watching him. His eyes were bright and there was a slight look of expectation on his face. He wanted to know what Castiel thought. He chewed slowly and swallowed, finding it difficult at first because he was not used to the feeling. Sure he drank coffee now but eating was different.

"This is very good, Dean. I am glad that I agreed to taste it." he said, nodding at the hunter.

The corners of Dean's mouth lifted and he looked down, the tips of his ears turning slightly pink as he dug into his own burger. Cas felt a strange warm feeling in his chest as he knew that he'd just pleased the hunter. He moved to pick up his food again but then he felt something that froze him in place. His eyes moved downward and he pushed his robe open. Sure enough, blood was spreading through the thin black t-shirt. But that wasn't all that was happening.

Without saying a word, Cas set the burger down and disappeared from his seat. He reappeared in the bathroom of the room that he'd been assigned, hunched over the sink and coughing up blood. He pushed the robe off and lifted the borrowed t-shirt to see that, sure enough, the stitches ripped somehow, most likely when he stood too quickly. But that wasn't the worst part.

The light of his grace quit streaming out almost immediately after he pulled the bullet out. But now… it was leaking out once again, shining brightly in the dull light of the bathroom.

"Cas?" he heard Dean yelling, sounding concerned and fearful.

"I'm here, Dean!" he called, wiping his mouth of blood and placing his hand over the wound.

Something was very wrong and, for once, Castiel had no idea what it was. Dean ran into the room and caught sight of Castiel in the bathroom.

"Cas? What the hell?" he said.

The angel turned to him and looked down at his stomach before glancing back up at him.

"You might have to sew my wound again."

* * *

**Sorry these chapters are so short. I'll try to make the next one longer I promise.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thanks to everyone who is reading, I love you all. **

**Thank you so much to Monsters-Need-Love-Too, FireChildSlytherin5, JessMust7, ChevyImpalla1967, k-mamma, VampirePrinssess, stefanswifey01, The Mysterious Shadow, mrsrobin, Kat A. Klysmic, and Kendra1994 for reviewing. You are all amazing and I love you too. **

**Once again, please review if you like it, all reviews help me.**

* * *

Dean managed to get Castiel to the bed and he shoved the robe off the rest of the way. The angel leaned back against the headboard and remained still as Dean pushed his shirt up and pulled his hands away from the wound. He stared at it with horror, seeing the slight rays of his grace escaping from where the stitches ripped.

"Damn Cas."

Sam came into the room moments later, his eyes widening when he saw what was happening.

"I don't know why it's happening. My grace should have stopped leaking out a long time ago. It did stop. I do not know what is happening." Cas said, staring down at the wound.

Dean pulled the first-aid kit off of the desk where he left it and pulled gauze out once again. Something clicked in the angel's mind and his head snapped up.

"Dean stop." Cas said, catching his hands.

"Cas we have to get you to stop bleeding… and leaking grace."

He groaned as a stab of pain went through his gut.

"It is not the wound." He said, pressing his hands to the bleeding flesh.

"What is it?" Sam asked, concern in his voice.

Castiel looked up at them both with wide eyes.

"Crowley did something else. I don't know what or how. But he did."

Dean and Sam exchanged a wary look and suddenly the silence was interrupted by Dean's phone ringing from the other room. He walked out quickly and grabbed it, looking at the number.

"It's Kevin." He said as he walked back in.

Castiel stared between them as Sam looked confused.

"Dean… Kevin didn't have his phone. He left it at the houseboat when Crowley took him. He told us that." the younger brother said.

Dean furrowed his brow before pressing talk and holding it up to his ear.

"Hello, Dean. Tell me, how is our rebellious angel doing?"

The hunter's head lifted and he glared at a particular spot on the wall.

"Crowley." He growled.

"Your smarts never fail to impress me, squirrel. You didn't answer my question." The demon said, sounding proud of himself.

"What did you do to him?" Dean demanded, his hand clenching.

"Ah, so he's not doing well. It's about time for him to be suffering. If he were half as attentive as he used to be, Castiel would have noticed that the bullet had a few scratches on it. I'm sure his attention was taken by other things, though. A few sigils and… well your angel won't be feeling up to par for a while. I want the demon tablet, Winchester, both pieces. While you're at it, I'll take the prophet too. Then I might feel obligated to share with you how to cure poor sickly Castiel. Just a warning, he's only going to get worse." Crowley said and he could hear the smirk in his voice.

"I'm going to kill you, you son of a bitch." Dean growled.

"Yes haven't we been down this road before? Yet I am alive and kicking. I'll give you a day, Dean. After that, your angel won't be of any use to anyone."

The phone went dead and Dean dropped his hand to his side.

"Dean? What did he say?" Sam asked.

The older Winchester brother looked the angel in the eyes, seeing the questioning look along with the pain. Fury bubbled inside of him.

"He wants Kevin and the demon tablet… or Cas dies." He said, his teeth gritted together.

They remained silent for a few moments.

"Then I die." Castiel said, sitting up.

Both of the brothers looked at him with horror.

"No!" Dean snapped.

"You cannot give him Kevin and the tablet. We have no idea what he's done to me. I am getting worse and I am only going to get worse. There are no other options, Dean. If it is necessary, there is nothing else to be done." The angel said calmly.

"You're not gonna die." The hunter growled, pointing at him. "I am not going to let that happen."

Castiel stared back at him, huffing defiantly.

"Then what do we do?" Sam asked.

Dean took a deep breath, looking over at his brother.

"Call Metatron, tell him that we need him more than he needs to hide away in his cabin. Tell him to bring Kevin too. We need to have everyone together just in case Crowley figures out where Kevin is. Cas… he said there was something on the bullet… something about a sigil."

The angel stared at him with a furrowed brow. He struggled to stand and groaned, falling back on the bed.

"Whoa. What do you want?" Dean asked.

"My coat pocket. The left one." Cas hissed out. "I have the bullet. I withdrew it from Ion's eye and kept it."

Sam walked to the closet as Dean helped him lie on the bed again. He pulled the bullet out and inspected it, noticing very small and hardly visible scratches on it. It was no wonder Cas didn't see them.

"I'll go call Metatron." He said before walking out of the room.

Dean moved away to grab the gauze but Cas caught his hand.

"Promise me, Dean. Promise me that if it comes down to it, you'll let me die rather than let Crowley have Kevin and the tablet. You have to promise."

The hunter's green eyes met the angel's blue ones.

"It's not gonna come down to that, Cas. We'll make sure it doesn't." he assured him.

"Promise." Castiel repeated.

He sighed, reaching out to grip the angel's shoulder.

"I promise. But you're not allowed to die, all right? You know why. I've said it three times so I don't think it needs saying again. You're sticking around whether you like it or not. I don't care how bad it hurts or how much you want to go hurtling towards that bright light at the end of the tunnel, you better stick your ass around here. I still gotta teach you how to grill burgers."

* * *

It didn't take long. Dean was replacing the old bandage after stitching Cas up again. The light was still peeking through the spaces between the stitches but it was much dimmer. He felt those wide blue eyes on him the entire time but remained concentrated on what his hands were doing. Finally, when the bandage was completely smoothed out onto Castiel's abdomen over the wound, Dean pulled the t-shirt down, noticing that it was soaked in blood.

"I'll go get you another." He said, moving to stand up.

Cas's hand wrapped around his wrist, stopping him in place. Dean's eyes went to his and he found himself staring at the angel. They didn't look away, just staring, until they heard footsteps approaching the room. Dean remained in the chair but turned his head to see Sam walk in with Metatron and Kevin following him closely.

"You didn't tell me that you were involved with another angel." Metatron said, his eyes widening when he saw Castiel.

The other angel looked guarded, his hands clenching in the bedding as he sat up, wincing as he did so. Dean opened his mouth to tell Cas to remain still but he saw the fear flash in his eyes. He understood why immediately. It had been over two full years since Castiel met an angel that hadn't been hostile towards him, not counting Inias.

"Cas? This is Metatron." Dean said in an assuring tone.

He nodded tightly, still on guard.

"Cas?" Metatron said, looking confused.

"Castiel. My name is Castiel." He finally spoke, his deep and gravelly voice laced with pain.

The older angel nodded, twisting his hands in a nervous gesture that looked out of place on an angel.

"It's nice to meet you, Castiel." He nodded.

"Do you know what's going on with him?" Dean asked, interrupting their awkward introduction.

Metatron walked to the other side of the bed.

"What are the symptoms?" he asked.

Dean looked at Cas for him to describe it.

"Pain, weakness, dizziness… my grace is leaking out through the wound."

Metatron looked thoughtful before turning to Sam.

"You said he was shot?" he asked.

"With a melted down angel-killing blade." The younger Winchester nodded, starting forward with the bullet in one hand and a magnifying glass in the other.

Megatron went to the lamp that was on and inspected the bullet closely. Suddenly a frown formed on his face and his eyes widened even further.

"This is… impossible. You say that a demon did this?" he asked, looking up at them.

They nodded at the angel.

"This is very old Enochian, sigils that aren't even used anymore. They haven't been used in millennia. There is no way he could have gotten a hold of it." he said, holding the bullet up.

"Well he did. What is it?" Dean demanded.

The angel looked pale as he glanced at Castiel.

"It used to be written on the blades of angels. This is a cut off version of the sigils that made up a very dangerous, deadly weapon. If an angel was stabbed with the sword but not killed immediately, the sigils caused their grace irreparable damage. They would die within hours in utmost agony after being stabbed. Eventually, it was thought of as too cruel and the practice was eradicated, all of the angel blades with the sigils were melted down to create new ones without the carvings. This… this bullet only holds a few of the sigils and they are very small." He explained.

"Okay? And what are they gonna do to Cas?" Dean asked.

"Well, they only hold the process that poisons the angel's grace slightly but not completely. The process is slowed but still… still fatal. If I knew… if there was a way…" Metatron stammered.

"What?" Sam asked.

"There is no cure. There is only one thing to do." He said. "It was always a failsafe. Something to allow the angels to live. Hardly any of them chose to do it. Living like that… it was dirty in their opinion, not worth living."

"What is it?" Castiel asked.

"They could rip out their grace."

They were all silent, contemplating this. Castiel was staring down at the bed, Dean was staring at him, and Sam and Kevin were staring at Metatron in horror over what he said. Finally, one of them spoke.

"No."

Their eyes all went to Dean.

"No that's not an option." He said stubbornly.

"Dean…" Sam began.

"Crowley has a cure. If we can figure out…"

"That's not an option, Dean. We can't trust Crowley." Castiel said quietly.

"And you can't rip your grace out. He said that he has a cure." Dean argued.

"There is no cure." Metatron protested.

"Maybe you just don't know about it! It's worth a shot! He said we have twenty-four hours, which means that he knows something we don't. We can at least try." He said.

"Even if Crowley has nothing, maybe there's something on the angel tablet if we can get that." Kevin suggested.

"Crowley has it." Sam said.

"Yeah, so we go to Crowley, make him think we're going to give him what he wants. Instead we nab the angel tablet and Metatron whisks us out of there like he did Kevin." Dean suggested.

"Dean no! You said you wouldn't." Cas said, looking up at him.

"I said we wouldn't trade Kevin and the tablet. I didn't say we wouldn't trick Crowley into thinking we were. You're dying, Cas. We can't just let that happen. And ripping out your grace is not an option. Last time you became human you were miserable." Dean said.

"Wait… you've fallen before?" Metatron asked, shocked.

"It's a long story." Sam said, looking at Castiel with concern. "Dean's right, Cas. We have to try. You would do the same for any of us. You have done the same."

The angel stared around at all of them.

"I do not want you to do this. It is dangerous. What if the plan goes wrong and Crowley gets everything he wants? Do you really think that he is going to give you anything to cure me, if such a cure exists?" Castiel demanded.

"We'll make him give it to us. Cas we're doing this with or without your permission. I'm pretty sure you aren't really strong enough to stop us." Dean said.

"I could rip out my own grace, Dean. Then the debate will be over." The angel challenged him with narrowed eyes.

They all stared at him, taken aback.

"You can't do that, Cas." Dean said, clenching his fists.

"And who is going to stop me? I could do it with or without your permission." Cas said, throwing the hunter's words back at him.

Dean regarded him with a clenched jaw.

"Sam…" he turned to his brother, who looked up at him. "Stay here with Cas. If he makes a move to do anything stupid, hit him over the head or something. If Crowley's right, he'll just be getting weaker and weaker so you should be able to take him on."

The angel looked at him with a furious look.

"We'll leave you some handcuffs in case you need to restrain him."

"Dean I should come with you." Sam argued.

"Hey, I just let you travel halfway across the country and you're still not recovered. You're staying here and you're taking care of Cas. I've got Metatron and Kevin and we can take care of it, right?" Dean asked the angel.

"Dean I said no!" Castiel snapped, glaring up at him.

"I didn't ask for your approval." Dean fired back, glancing at him before turning to Metatron again.

"Yeah, I think we can take care of it." he nodded.

"Great." Dean said before walking out of the room, leaving behind a very pissed off Castiel, an annoyed Sam, a quiet Kevin, and a confused Metatron.

Sam sighed and collapsed into the chair as Kevin followed Dean out of the room. Metatron glanced back at Castiel, who was staring at the wall with anger all over his face.

"You're lucky." He said.

Cas glanced up at him, squinting slightly.

"In what regard?" he asked doubtfully.

"You've got people who care about you. Can't say the same for all angels. Most of us are just weapons to be used by others. That's why I got out. You're lucky to have done the same. You're lucky to have a family to go to." He said.

Castiel didn't say anything, his gaze returning to the wall as if it might collapse under his furious eyes. Metatron nodded at Sam before turning to walk out of the room as well.

* * *

Metatron knew where Crowley's hideout would be and that's exactly where they would go. If that didn't work, Dean would call Kevin's phone to find where the demon was. They were getting ready when Sam walked into the room.

"Sam I told you…" Dean began, looking exasperated.

"He wants to talk to you, Dean." His brother interrupted him.

Dean sighed and looked at Megatron and Kevin.

"I'll be back and then we'll go." he decided before walking out of the room, ready to receive another lecture from the angel.

He walked into the room and was shocked to find that the bed was empty. He looked around and saw that the bathroom light was one. When he looked into it, he caught sight of Castiel standing in front of the mirror. His shirt was off and he was facing away from the mirror, looking over his shoulder at his back.

"Cas what are you doing?" Dean asked.

The angel didn't look at him, he didn't take his eyes off of his back.

"My wings are hurting. I think the poison… or spell… has spread to them." He said.

Dean didn't know what to say.

"How do you know?" he asked.

"They're fading." The angel answered.

He turned to look at Dean finally and moved out of the bathroom, standing in front of him and looking up into his eyes.

"I wish that you wouldn't go."

"We have to Cas. If we can get whatever this cure is from Crowley, it'll all be worth it." Dean said.

"Not if you or Kevin gets killed. Dean you are the first person who will admit that you have no luck. There are only so many times that you can go up against Crowley and come out alive. I do not want you to do this. We already know that there is a way for this to end." Castiel said, sounding like he wanted to plead with Dean not to go but it was far too strange to think of an angel doing such a thing.

The last time Cas begged for anything, it was for Naomi not to force him to kill Dean. Now he was almost reduced to pleading for Dean not to kill himself by being reckless.

"I am not going to force you to rip out your own grace, Cas. You can't ask me to let that happen. We just got you back and…" Dean cut off, shaking his head. "I can't."

Castiel stared at him with his head slightly tilted.

"This is a time when I would give you a comforting embrace, isn't it?" he asked.

Dean let out a slight chuckle.

"You don't have to hug me, Cas." He said, turning away.

Castiel's hand caught his wrist, where he always seemed to want to touch Dean. It was the same wrist he broke down in the crypt. Dean turned back to look at him questioningly. His heart stuttered when he felt the angel's thumb sweep gently over his pulse point as if he was just checking on his heart rate.

"I am very tired, Dean." The angel admitted.

The hunter stared into his eyes for a moment. That's when he saw it. Behind the annoyance and the guarded look, there was a small hint of fear.

"You should lay down." Dean said, gesturing to the bed.

"I do not want to." He said stubbornly.

"Come on, Cas. There's no use in you wasting your energy, especially if it's running out so fast." Dean sighed, pulling him to the bed with the angel's hand still locked around his wrist.

"No, Dean." He refused, holding his ground.

Only Dean tugged too hard and Castiel's stance wasn't quite as strong as he thought it was. The angel stumbled forward and he caught him with his hand on his bare upper arms. They were inches apart, Cas tangled in Dean's arms and inhaling sharply at a stab of pain in his abdomen.

"Hey, let's get you on the bed." He said, directing him towards the bed.

Castiel's hands shot up and clenched in his shirt. Dean was wearing clothes now and he had on a dark green t-shirt as well as a black button down with his jeans and boots.

"Cas come on." he sighed.

Taking him by surprise, the angel's forehead went to his shoulder. He stood still, unsure of what to do. He heard Castiel mumbling and strained his ears to hear what he was saying. Dean's hands automatically went to his back, pressing into the skin. That's when he noticed what he should have before. His skin was slightly clammy and overheated. He was getting worse.

"… need you… come back to me… can't die… need you too."

"I'll come back, Cas." Dean assured him.

The angel looked up at him with his wide blue eyes. Dean didn't know how he didn't see the feverish look in them before.

"Do you promise?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah, I promise." Dean said, pushing him back on the bed gently.

The angel refused to lie back, grabbing Dean's wrist again once he pried his hands loose of his shirt. Dean watched with shock as he raised it to his face. Dean's hand touched Castiel's cheek similarly to how the angel healed him down in the crypt. Cas' mouth brushed over the wrist in a soft gesture that caused Dean's heart to hammer in his chest. He could blame it on the fever that Cas was experiencing.

That was probably what was going on. The angel was becoming delirious. But Dean didn't really have time to fully convince himself of that fact before Cas pressed a full kiss to the pulse point, making his stomach twist in strange ways as his heart sped up even more to dangerous speeds.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, looking up at Dean.

He gently extracated his wrist from the angel's grip.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Cas." He said, pushing him back onto the bed.

Dean pulled the covers over the angel's body. Before he could draw away, Castiel's hand came up and cupped his cheek before wrapping around his neck. He didn't know what he was expecting but he surprised himself by following the angel's motions. When his dry, cracked lips pressed to Dean's forehead, he thought that the angel was insane by now. He rarely, if ever, touched anyone. Besides Meg, Dean never saw him kiss anyone either. When he drew away, the angel was staring up at him.

"I'll be back, Cas." He assured him again.

"I'll be waiting, Dean." Castiel answered solemnly.

* * *

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	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

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* * *

Sam walked back into the room, he could feel Castiel's eyes tracking him to the chair, where he sat down and began reading one of the books that he brought.

"Why did you allow Dean to leave you behind? Usually you are fighting with him to remain at his side." The angel spoke from his position curled under the blankets where Dean left him.

Sam sighed and looked up, seeing Castiel's eyes and hair peeking out over the blankets that were lumped over his body.

"He left me here for a reason, Cas." He said.

"To watch me, yes. But last time we saw each other, he told you to watch and protect Meg. You did not like that prospect very much."

"That was a little different, Cas." Sam said.

"How?" Castiel asked.

"You're a friend... you're family. Meg was an ally at best." the younger Winchester brother answered.

"Why did he ask you to stay behind this time if it wasn't to keep you out of harm's way? Why did you agree?" Cas wondered.

Sam looked at him, his eyebrow raised slightly.

"Dean didn't want me to stay here to keep me out of harms way, Cas and I didn't stay behind because I need the rest. I stayed here because he asked me to. I stayed because he trusted me to."

The angel's brow furrowed.

"I do not see how you equate him requesting you remain behind with trust." Cas said.

Sam sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"He trusted me with you, Cas. That's what I'm talking about." Sam said, staring at him.

Castiel remained silent for a few moments. When the silence continued, Sam leaned forward with concern. That's when he saw that Cas's eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly open.

"Castiel? Hey Cas? Cas!" Sam shot forward and seized his shoulders, lifting him up.

The angel's head lolled back and his eyes fluttered for a moment.

"Dean…" Castiel choked out.

That was when Sam saw the blood. It was all over the sheets underneath where the angel was lying down. He held Cas up and looked at his back with horror to see two large gashes on his shoulder blades. Right where the angel's wings would come out.

"Oh God…" Sam breathed.

* * *

"You're sure?" Dean asked, glancing around.

He had his handgun in one hand and the demon-killing knife in the other. Kevin glanced around.

"This is where he dropped us. You'd think he would know since he yanked me out." the prophet answered.

They weren't using Metatron's name at the angel's insistence. It was crucial, apparently, that no one know that he was back in the game.

"Well look who decided to show up. I honestly thought it would take more convincing. Looks like you're all too willing to give up our little prophet here."

They both turned to see Crowley standing there with two demon grunts. The king of hell's eyes flickered over them, immediately taking in their lack of any bags or packages of any sort.

"Where is the tablet?" Crowley demanded.

"Not here." Dean replied simply.

"Did I not make my terms clear? I said Kevin and the tablet."

"Did you really think that we were going to go along with that? Really?" Dean said, raising his eyebrows at the demon.

Crowley glared at him, gesturing for his demons to walk forward. Dean raised his gun and shot both of them in the head instantly, causing them to stumble backwards. They looked stunned, staring at Crowley for help.

"You really think that'll work, Winchester? Are all of your brain cells on vacation?" Crowley asked, slightly amused at his attempt to protect himself and Kevin, who was standing a few feet back from Dean.

"Not all of them." Dean replied.

A smirk formed on his face when the two demons attempted to move and found themselves stuck in place.

"A little trick. If you can scratch sigils onto bullets, so can I. All though, I did it first. You've heard of Abaddon haven't you?"

A flash of fear went through Crowley's eyes at the name.

"Abaddon hasn't been seen in decades." He said.

"Well it's kind of what we do… neutralize sadistic bastards like you."

Dean leveled the gun, pointing it at Crowley's head.

"How do we fix Cas?" he demanded.

Crowley narrowed his eyes at Dean.

"Do you really think I'm going to tell you that now? I'm content to let the angel die. He's been nothing but a thorn in my side and it serves my purposes for him to officially be wiped off the board." He said.

"I will kill you, Crowley." Dean threatened, holding up the knife.

"A bullet in your brain and a dagger in your heart and you're dead."

Crowley scoffed.

"I can see that this isn't going to be quite so easy. I am not going to tell you how to cure Castiel because there is no cure. I made it up. To be truthful, I was going to kill you as soon as I gained possession of Kevin and the tablet. Then Sam was going to be left all alone with dying Castiel and no one else on his side. However, you have ruined that little plan. So here's the deal, I'll get back to you on the tablet and you have fun watching your trench-coated angel die."

Crowley gave him a wave before disappearing, leaving the two demons standing there looking panicked.

"Dammit!" Dean growled loudly, whirling around several times.

He let out a string of curses as he walked to the demons. Without hesitation, he stabbed the first one in the chest, killing him instantly. Then he turned to the second one, who winced and jerked backwards as if he was waiting for his death.

"You're coming with us." Dean said, grabbing his arm.

* * *

Sam rushed out of the room when he realized that there was no gauze left over in the first aid kit. He spent a few minutes rifling around to find more before running back to the room, ignoring his body's screaming demands for rest. When he ran through the door, something made him stop short.

His eyes widened and all of the supplies in his hands dropped out. Castiel was sitting up on the bed, swaying, with a pained grimace and his fists clenched into the blankets that were stained with blood. He was paler than he'd been and there was a visible sheen of sweat on his body.

There was even more blood than there had been before. That most likely had something to do with the large appendages now sprouting out of the angel's back. They were black and, on any other day, would have looked sleek and perfect. But at the moment, they looked like someone had taken fistfuls of the feathers and yanked them out in certain places. Instead of being held high and proud, they were dropped onto the bed and even to the floor.

To make matters worse, blood was leaking out through the feathers. If Sam wasn't so horrified by the sight, he would have been in awe at the sheer size of the wings.

"Castiel." He finally choked out, moving forward as he picked up the gauze.

Nothing would help stop this bleeding, he was pretty positive of that fact.

"I thought we couldn't see your wings."

The angels eyes opened slowly and he looked at Sam.

"They are a manifestation of my grace. As my grace is poisoned, so are they. Their light is fading and I could no longer keep them hidden. You are able to see them because they no longer hold the power they once did. They are dying as I am dying." He explained in a tight, halting voice.

Sam let out a sharp breath, knowing that the angel must have been in more pain than he would ever let on.

"It'll be okay, Cas. Dean will be back soon with the cure from Crowley. It'll be all right." Sam assured him.

The angel's eyes dropped as he remained slumped over, his wings shifting a bit but doing nothing else.

"There is no cure, Sam." Castiel said hopelessly.

"No there is. I know there is. Dean be back with it and we'll fix you. We'll save you. You'll see."

The angel's exhausted and pained eyes lifted once again to meet Sam's.

"If you truly wanted to help me and save me, you would give me a knife so that I can carve into my body and pull my grace out before the poison overcomes me and kills me. Though perhaps it would be more merciful for everyone if I were to die. I think that this has been a long time coming. Perhaps I'll even be resurrected again as yet another punishment. I wonder how it could get worse this time around." the angel ranted, getting off subject.

"No, Cas. I'm not going to let you do that. Dean entrusted me with your safety and I'm going to make sure that you stick around until he gets back." Sam refused.

Cas looked at him, narrowing his eyes.

"Crowley lied to you. He said that we would have twenty-four hours yet my grace is deteriorating at a quick rate. I will be dead within an hour, Sam."

"And Dean will be back before then." The hunter said confidently.

Cas sighed and attempted to roll his shoulders as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Have you ever heard of the phenomenon of the medical surge?" the angel asked.

"Yeah it's when a patient who's about to die has a sudden surge of strength where it looks like they're going to get better." Sam nodded.

It occurred to him too late as to why Castiel brought that up. The angel's eyes popped open and looked brighter. He shot his arms out and grabbed Sam by the shoulders.

"I am sorry about this." he said before pressing his fingers to Sam's forehead and forcing him to pass out.

* * *

When the younger Winchester was lying on the bed, Cas shifted over and groaned painfully as he stood. His eyes squeezed shut and he concentrated, forcing his wings to become invisible to the human eye once again. He stood higher, taking deep breaths as he stumbled towards the door, feeling blood dripping out of the wound on his back, his nose, ears, and mouth.

Keeping himself upright, he dragged himself to the main room and began searching around for something to help him. Finally, buried deep in a cabinet in a wooden box, he found a vial necklace. It looked quite old but it would serve his purposes. After pulling a dagger off of the wall, he staggered to the tables and slumped into a chair. When he heard the door to the bunker open, his head snapped up and his eyes widened with panic.

His strength was quicky failing him after the surge of strength and he could hear Dean's voice growling something out that he couldn't quite hear. He swayed in the chair as he lost his hold on keeping his wings invisible once again. He held the vial in one hand and the dagger in the other.

"Cas?" Dean's voice sounded as though it was far away.

He saw something out of the corner of his eye and Sam ran into the room. Apparently his strength wasn't so great because he didn't effectively put the hunter to sleep.

"Cas what are you…"

He didn't wait for Dean to finish, digging the knife into his wound. He grunted in pain as he dragged it, ripping the stitches out of the wound. Grace and blood poured out and he gripped the vial as he dropped the knife. He heard a shout of panic and looked up to see Metatron dragging Dean backwards away from Cas. He knew what was about to happen and that it wasn't going to be pretty.

"I'm sorry, Dean." He managed to say before his hand plunged into his body.

He yelled in pain and fell off the chair onto his knees as he seized his grace. It felt like a weakened version of itself in his hand and he knew that it wouldn't take much to rip it out of his body. It would still cause him much pain, though.

Squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his teeth, he steeled himself against the pain and tugged, ripping his hand out of his body with a loud shout for everyone to close their eyes. Bright light flooded the room for a moment and then it was gone.

Dean launched forward once it faded, not giving a second look to the demon who hadn't heeded the angel's warning. His eyes were burned out of his head and he was certainly dead. Dean couldn't find it within himself to be angry with Cas when he saw him crumpled on the ground. Walking in to see the angel sprawled onto the chair, wings and all, was shocking. When he saw him thrust the knife into his gut, Dean wanted to run forward to stop him but Metatron held him back, saying that it was too late to stop him.

They'd all shielded their eyes when the bright light of his grace filled the room. Dean felt devastation fill him as he knew exactly what that meant. He jumped up as soon as it was gone, rushing to Cas, who was crumpled on the ground in a pair of boxers with blood covering him. One look told him all that he needed. The ripped up wings were gone, leaving two ugly gashes in the angel's back.

"Cas!" he turned the angel over to see that blood was still pouring out of the freshly sliced open wound.

He pressed his hand to it and saw that the angel's skin was deathly pale. Blood dripped out of his nose, mouth, and ears. Something fell out of Castiel's hand and Dean looked to see that it was a small vial on the end of a chain that could serve as a necklace. In the vial was the remnants of the bright light that Dean knew was Cas's grace.

"Come on, Cas." He said, shaking him.

Metatron went to the other side of Castiel and pressed his hand to his forehead. Dean watched with his heart thundering with panic as the injuries slowly disappeared. Even the wound in his stomach sealed together.

"He's lost a lot of blood but he should be all right. The wounds in his back won't have healed because they were part of his wings. You'll have to stitch those up." The angel said.

Dean nodded, staring down at Castiel's unconscious face. Even though he knew deep down what just happened, it was hard to wrap his head around the fact that the figure in front of him just ripped out his grace all on his own.

* * *

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	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

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* * *

Castiel's eyes fluttered open and the first thing he heard was his name along with a slur of other words that didn't quite sink in with him. He wanted to respond but before he could, he realized that his name was not said in a friendly way. In fact, there was fury in the voice. It took him a moment and a lot of concentration to realize whose voice it was. When he heard his name growled out again in Dean's voice, he flinched, his body jerking. The talking ceased and silence reigned around him for a moment.

"Cas?" Dean's voice was hovering over him.

He didn't answer, taking time to realize his situation. He was laying facedown on something soft, most likely a bed. His arms were lying limp at his sides. Suddenly, his senses all hit him at once and he felt the worst pain he'd ever experienced. His entire body was radiating with it, causing him to cry out. His hands fisted the sheets underneath him and he clenched his teeth together. His body thrashed as he attempted to get away from the pain, to relieve it somehow. He felt hands on him, trying to hold him down.

"Cas stop dammit! You have to stop!" Dean grunted, his hands on his arms.

He let out a cry of pain and continued throwing his body around, not even sure how to stop now that he'd started. He felt liquid on his back and knew that he must have been bleeding. That's when the memories came rushing back. They flashed through his head. His conversation with Sam, knocking the younger Winchester out, finding the vial, ripping his grace out in front of Dean.

"Cas stop it! If you don't Metatron is going to have to knock you out! You're making yourself bleed again!"

Castiel whimpered as he realized where the blood was coming from. His wings ripped themselves out of his body when he tore his grace out. His body stilled as he concentrated, his breaths coming out in ragged heaves as his hands still clenched the sheets in them. It took him a moment to realize that tears were streaming down his cheeks from the pain, such a human response.

But that's what he was… human. There was no escaping it. He knew that it would happen. But of course, he was delirious and feverish when he made the decision.

"Hey… it's okay." Dean said, his hands still on Castiel's arms.

Castiel realized that his breaths were no longer just heaving as he sucked air into his chest. They were choked out and rough as more tears fell from his eyes. He couldn't help it. It wasn't just the pain. It was the extreme loss he felt down to his very core. It hadn't been this bad last time he became human. But it happened much slower then. He had time to grow used to the prospect. Now… it happened all too sudden and he was mourning for his lost angel status.

No matter what assurances Dean gave him, Castiel was certain that it was not okay. He didn't know if it would ever be okay again.

* * *

Dean didn't spare anything else a second look before requesting that Metatron zap them back to his own room when Sam told them the state of Cas's room. The blood was all cleaned from Cas before they laid him down on his stomach, looking at the wounds on his back. Sam and Kevin came into the room moments later and Dean hesitated a beat before turning to Sam.

"I told you to look after him." he said in a low voice.

"Dean I was looking after him. He got a burst of strength and knocked me out." Sam sighed.

"Then you should have kept your distance! Cas just ripped his own damn grace out, Sam! He took a knife to his gut and yanked out everything that makes him what he was!" he yelled.

"Dean I'm sorry! I tried… I just… I thought that I was getting through to him!"

Dean faced away from his brother, shaking his head. He knew that it was ridiculous to blame his brother for this. To be honest, he didn't blame Sam. He blamed himself. He should have remained at the bunker with Cas. He should have looked after him. Sam wasn't up to it and Dean shouldn't have put that on him.

"Dammit!" he cursed, slamming his fist into the wall.

"Why did it have to be this? Why does the universe have to keep screwing with us? With Cas?" he yelled at the ceiling.

Suddenly Castiel's form flinched on the bed, jerking in place. Dean was hovering over him within seconds.

"Cas?" he said hesitantly.

There was no reply or movement for a full minute. Then suddenly the former angel let out a pained shout and began thrashing on the bed. Dean looked at Metatron and Sam with horror before seizing Castiel's arms to pin him to the bed.

"Cas stop dammit! You have to stop!"

He simply cried out in pain and sobbed as he continued throwing his body around. Dean put more of his strength into holding him down.

"Cas stop it! If you don't Metatron is going to have to knock you out! You're making yourself bleed again!"

His eyes watched as blood leaked out of the wounds on his shoulders. As if his words shocked Cas, he stilled slowly, his breaths still coming out in wracking sobs. Dean caught sight of the tears pouring down his face and felt devastation for the man filling him. He didn't know if Castiel was crying for the pain or for the loss of his grace but either option was enough to make Dean want to fix it more than anything else.

"Hey… it's okay." He said hesitantly, his hands still on Cas's arms.

The angel remained lying there for several minutes calming himself before he shifted. They all watched with concern and fearful looks that he would have another fit.

"Where am I?" Cas finally spoke, his voice hoarse and even gravelly than normal.

Dean sighed with relief that he was able to speak.

"You're in my room. I'm gonna patch your back up, okay? Metatron healed your other wounds but he couldn't fix your back." he said, pulling his hands away.

He turned to the group and they all looked back at him. Sam immediately understood that they should leave Castiel alone so as not to overwhelm him.

Dean retrieved the first aid kit and more gauze before coming back into his room. Cas was still lying there absolutely motionless. He set the box on the bed. Dean jumped slightly when the other man spoke again, breaking the heavy silence

"Dean?"

"Yeah?" he answered.

Before he knew it, he was squatting by the bed with his head at Cas's level. There was a devastatingly pained look in the former angel's blue eyes.

"Where is my grace? It was in the vial." He said.

"It's here." Dean said, gesturing to the bedside table where he'd laid the chain necklace with the vial.

Cas glanced at it and nodded with difficulty, swallowing hard.

"I would like you to keep it. You'll keep it safe." He said.

Dean didn't know what to say, shocked by Castiel's words. The man's arm moved and Dean watched with wide-eyes as he reached out and took his hand.

"You'll keep me safe." He breathed before his eyes fluttered closed and he slipped into unconsciousness again.

* * *

Dean didn't speak once as he doctored up the wounds on Castiel's back. They were sickeningly deep. Dean had to keep himself from dry-heaving a few times as he couldn't even imagine the pain that Cas must have been going through and he'd experienced quite a bit of pain in his life. If he could equate it with anything, he wondered if it was similar to the way it felt when the hellhounds ripped into his body before his soul was dragged to hell.

He distracted himself from stitching the wounds up by thinking back on his time in hell. Not the torture. He refused to let himself think about that. No, he thought about the last thing he remembered. The screams were echoing around him. It was dark but he could see somehow.

Then he heard a loud roaring like a tornado was ripping through the area around him. The screams were drowned out and that's when the bright light flared up in front of his eyes. He didn't see anything through it but suddenly there was a burning pain on his shoulder.

Dean screamed and fought, struggling to get away from whatever this thing was, from whatever new hell it would drag him to. The being didn't relent, didn't let go. It just kept dragging him upwards. The light grew brighter and brighter and he felt like it was penetrating through him, filling his entire being.

He didn't have any wounds, all of them disappearing each time before the demon started in on him again. But as the being lifted him up, he felt like something knew was reforming his body, healing out the wounds that had been inflicted on him, all of the darkness that filled him felt like it was leeched out of his soul by the light.

His shouts filled the air but he couldn't hear it over the roaring. Then it all stopped and he felt like they broke through a barrier. Then he woke up in a coffin six feet under.

The man lying on the bed dragged Dean out of his thoughts about thirty minutes after he passed out. He let out a soft sigh and shifted, whimpering when he did so. Dean carefully covered the wounds with bandages, wanting to keep them covered until they healed. Just as he was smoothing out the last bandage, Cas jerked once again. His hands clenched the sheets once again and Dean could see that his jaw was clenched together.

"Let me get you some painkillers." He said, realizing that they would help Castiel now.

He rummaged in his bag and found the bottle, opening it to grab two of the pills. He found a bottle of water and turned back to the bed. Cas was pushing himself up on his hands and knees slowly.

"Cas hey…!" Dean began to argue, rushing back to the bed.

"I'm fine." Castiel mumbled, pushing himself back onto his feet as he straightened out his torso with a wince.

Dean hovered in front of him, worried as he searched Cas's face. The former angel's eyes lifted to meet his and Dean slowly held out the pills and water, opening the bottle for him so that he could easily take them.

"Thank you." Cas sighed, taking them without complaint and drinking over half of the water as if he was parched for it.

Dean was tempted to ask how he was feeling but he knew that it was a stupid question. Obviously he wouldn't be feeling great at all and Dean wouldn't blame Cas if he punched him for asking. Castiel's eyes flickered around the room.

"Why am I in your room?" he asked, looking slightly confused.

"Because your room isn't exactly in the best state right now." Dean replied, remembering glancing in there to see the blood all over the place as well as a few fallen feathers.

Castiel's eyes snapped to him and he looked surprised.

"My room?" he asked with uncertainty.

Dean felt the corners of his mouth lift slightly and he nodded.

"Yeah, Cas. Your room." he nodded.

He held Dean's gaze for a moment before his eyes went to the bedside table and he saw the vial on the end of a silver chain still lying there. Slowly and carefully, grimacing as his body ached, he reached out and grabbed it, holding it in his hands and staring down at it. Even as he was looking at it, he could tell that it was dimmer than it should have been, obviously poisoned.

Dean watched without speaking as Cas stared at the remnants of his grace. When his eyes lifted to meet the hunters, he shifted closer to Dean, shuffling towards him on his knees. Dean didn't move, staring at him with surprise. A year or two ago, he would have cited personal space and forced Cas to move back again. But he couldn't bring himself to push Cas away for some reason.

He didn't move as Cas gripped the thin chain. When he lifted it over Dean's head and allowed the grace to drop over his heart, Dean continued staring at him. Cas's eyes dropped and he reached down, pinching the vial between his fingers and untwisting it from where the chain had twirled around a few times. Then he pulled the collar of Dean's shirt out slightly and lifted the vial dropping it into the shirt so that it would be hidden, the light barely visible through the fabric of the t-shirt.

Dean still didn't move as Cas smoothed the shirt out over it as if he was in a trance. Finally his hands came up and gripped Castiel's wrists, shocking him out of whatever he was thinking about.

"You should get some rest, Cas." He said, his voice rougher than he meant it to be.

He thought about Dean's words for a moment before shaking his head.

"I do not want rest." he admitted.

"What do you want?" the hunter asked.

Castiel thought again, looking confused as he glanced down.

"Clothing... and…" he looked slightly ashamed, glancing back up at Dean with his cheeks reddening slightly.

Dean looked at him with confusion, wondering what he could want that would inspire that reaction.

"I am rather hungry. I would like one of your burgers, if it isn't too much trouble. I'll eat the whole thing this time, I promise."

Dean's face suddenly broke out in a smile, the other man's solemn yet concerned promise making him momentarily forget about everything that happened.

* * *

He grabbed Cas a fresh pair of boxers, a pair of loose black sweatpants that Dean hardly ever wore anymore, and a grey t-shirt. Cas disappeared into the bathroom to change after standing up unsteadily. When he emerged, he was still holding the shirt and looking slightly sheepish and pained.

"I can't lift my arms." He said, gesturing to his back.

Dean stood from where he was sitting on the bed and waiting, glad that he'd stuck behind to wait for Cas. He took the shirt from him and instructed him to hold his arms out. Slowly and gently, he slid the sleeves over his arms and gingerly lifted the t-shirt up over his head. Cas hissed in pain as it pulled at his muscles.

"Sorry." Dean mumbled, pulling it down and making sure that it didn't catch on the bandages in the back.

He smoothed it down on his lower back, pulling the hem all the way down. When he looked back at Cas, there was a light pinkness in his cheek, something that Dean wasn't used to at all. It took him a moment to realize that the former angel was blushing and that he was basically petting his ass. Dean flushed as well and yanked his hand back, not even certain of why he was doing that. Cas was staring at him with his eyes widened.

"Come on, I'm hungry and we have to talk about some stuff." Dean grumbled, turning to walk out.

He noticed that Cas was moving slowly and gingerly and, when he stumbled over the slight step up at the doorway, he caught his elbow and hand, helping him stand upright.

"You all right?" he asked.

Castiel nodded, gripping Dean's hand for stability. The hunter didn't pull away, helping Cas walk down the hallway without a single complaint. When they walked into the main room, Sam, Metatron, and Kevin all looked up with surprise.

"Hey, Cas." Sam said, standing up.

Castiel looked at him warily, afraid that there would be hard feelings between them after he did what he did. He not only betrayed their trust in him not to act rashly and yank out his grace but he also broke Dean's trust in Sam that Castiel would go unharmed while he was gone. He hoped that Dean hadn't taken anything out on his younger brother.

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked, surprising him.

"I'm… hurting. But alive, I suppose." Cas said, still holding onto Dean.

"Come on." Dean said, pulling him to a chair.

"No, Dean." Cas refused, looking over at him. "I would like to accompany you to the kitchen as I did before. You told me you would teach me to cook."

Dean smiled slightly.

"All right. But we're not walking that whole way, you don't have the strength. Metatron?" he said, looking at the angel.

"No." the former angel refused again, this time sounding frustrated.

"I'm not paralyzed, Dean. I'll have to learn how to put up with these things eventually, I might as well start now." He said forcefully.

Dean sighed, looking back at him.

"You just went through a hell of a lot, Cas. No one is going to blame you if you want to relax a little." He said.

Castiel set his jaw resolutely and stared back at Dean without wavering.

"Damn you are a stubborn son of a bitch sometimes, you know that right?" he groaned, shuffling along with Cas, pulling him towards the kitchen.

"I do not believe that you are one to talk, Dean. It takes hours of arguing and the promise of pie to convince you of anything." Castiel replied, as they walked out.

"That's a little dramatic, Cas." Dean's voice said from the hallway.

Metatron glanced at Sam and Kevin, raising an eyebrow at them.

"Do they always fight like a married couple?" he asked.

The hunter and the prophet nodded, rolling their eyes.

* * *

When they finally made it to the kitchen, Dean took one look at Castiel's still pale face and wanted to force him to sit down but he knew that he wouldn't listen. He propped him against the counter and turned to the fridge.

"Do you want a beer, Cas?" Dean asked, glancing back at him.

He hesitated before nodding slowly.

"Can I cook the meat this time? I do not think that I can ruin that like I did the tomatoes." Castiel said, taking the beer from Dean after he opened it.

Dean let out a short laugh and nodded.

"Yeah, Cas. You can cook the meat and I'll cut the tomatoes."

He looked satisfied and Dean turned back to the fridge, pulling out the necessary ingredients. Cas walked to the grill and looked down at the dials, trying to figure out how to turn it on. Moments later, Dean came up behind him and leaned over his shoulder, turning on a few of them to heat it up.

"Don't touch it, Cas." He warned him.

"Yes, I know Dean." Castiel sighed, tired of the hunter treating him like an infant.

How was he going to prove that he could be helpful to the brothers, especially without his grace, if Dean didn't stop treating him like he knew nothing of the world? Dean just chuckled at his frustrated tone and brought the pre-packaged hamburger patties over.

"First you gotta season them. Here."

He pulled Cas to the metal counter and placed them on it after taking them out of the plastic packaging. Then he handed Cas a container of some sort of spice.

"It's just nature's seasoning, salt and pepper mixed with other stuff. Just sprinkle it on." Dean said, putting his hand over Cas's and opening the container.

He helped Castiel shake it gently a few times over the meat before letting go and allowing him to do it himself. Then he turned them over for Cas to do the other side.

"Great… now get them on the grill."

Cas gingerly picked up the meat, carrying them over to the grill two at a time and laying them on it carefully so that he didn't burn himself. Dean helped him. They were making five burgers just in case Metatron wanted something to eat.

"Here." Dean handed Castiel a strange looking instrument and he inspected it with confusion. "It's a spatula. You use it to flip the patty. When the outside edges of the meat start to turn brown, flip them."

Cas nodded and began watching the meat intently, certain that he would not mess it up. He heard chopping from behind him and glanced backwards to see Dean with his shirt-sleeves rolled up and concentrating on chopping up the tomatoes for the burgers.

He glanced back at the grill and jumped slightly when he saw that the edges of the patties were turning brown.

"Dean! It's happening." He said, panicking at first because he didn't want to mess up the whole meal with his cluelessness.

The hunter came up behind him again. His arm snaked out and went over his hand that held the spatula. He stood behind Cas and moved his hand, sliding the instrument underneath the patty and effortlessly helping Cas flip them over. It took them both a moment to realize that Dean's other hand automatically migrated to Cas's left hip as his head leaned over his right shoulder once again. Neither of them made a move to withdraw from their position as Dean helped Cas flip each one of the burgers.

"Thank you, Dean." Cas said, his voice quiet and rough.

"No problem, Cas." Dean breathed, not moving either of his hands.

"How will I know if the meat is done when the edges are already brown?" Cas asked, breathing deeply a few times once he asked.

"The sizzling will slow down a lot. That's when you have to take them off so they're still juicy. If you wait till the sizzling stops, the meat'll be dry." Dean explained.

His breath tickled Castiel's ear as he spoke and the former angel shivered against him. It was a welcome respite from the memory of losing his grace so violently and he was immensely grateful to Dean for providing a distraction. But that was just the cooking. The closeness… well Cas wasn't certain of the motive behind that but he was unwilling to explain. Dean didn't move as they both watched the meat.

When the sizzling slowed down, Cas's eyes glanced at Dean quickly.

"Will you help me retrieve them from the grill?" he asked.

Dean smiled slightly, sweeping his thumb over the back of Cas's hand.

"Yeah, Cas. I'll help you."

* * *

**Reviews are love! I love you! Love me back!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thanks to everyone who is reading, I love you all. **

**Thank you so much to Everyone who reviewed! **

**Some dialogue taken from 'Clip Show'.**

**This chapter might be a little more OOC than the others but this isn't going to be a good Destiel fic if I don't have Destiel scenes, you know?**

* * *

Castiel watched with rapt attention as Dean put together the five burgers. When he was done, they looked perfect like the ones he'd seen in advertisements. Dean placed four of them on a metal tray along with the beers and handed Cas the fifth along with the beer he'd already opened for him. They moved towards the doorway and Dean walked slowly so that the other male could walk beside him.

"So…" Dean hesitated, glancing over at him.

He didn't want to rush the former angel into anything but he had to know where he'd been. He had to know why he'd been gone and why he'd been ignoring their prayers. He had to know why Cas didn't trust them with the angel tablet.

Castiel glanced over at him, looking confused that he didn't finish his thought.

"Where were you? Before?" Dean asked.

"I was… everywhere." He sighed. "I had to jump around to different places to keep Naomi from finding me. Eventually, she caught onto what I was doing and laid a trap for me. She… massacred… an entire restaurant just to keep me in one place so that she could catch me. After that, it all went downhill. Crowley came with his gun and chased Naomi off. You know how the rest of that goes."

Dean nodded and fell silent as they entered the room, the rest of his questions unanswered for now because he didn't want to talk about it in front of everyone else. The only other person he would feel comfortable talking about such a sore spot in front of was Sam but that wasn't an option with Metatron and Kevin there.

They sat down and Cas hesitated, looking up at Dean before picking up his burger. The rest of them did the same, even Metatron who looked pleased with the prospect of food.

"What are we going to do about the third trial?" Sam asked, glancing at Dean.

"What is the third trial?" Cas asked before he could take a bite, looking at them with wide eyes.

Dean glanced at him and narrowed his eyes, gesturing for him to eat. Cas nodded, pulling the burger up to his mouth. The older Winchester watched closely as he took a bite. What happened next shocked everyone in the room, including Castiel perhaps the most. As he chewed on the burger, a surprisingly erotic moan slipped from his mouth and his eyes slipped closed as if he'd just tasted heaven between two buns.

Sam, Metatron, and Kevin all looked at him with surprise and Dean felt suddenly a little hotter than normal as he watched Cas's lips press together as he chewed and swallowed the first bite. The second one followed quickly, causing Castiel to look even more pleased as his lips closed around the burger and he groaned in pleasure once more. When his eyes opened, he flushed when he saw everyone looking at him.

"I thought that burgers were quite good as an angel but there is a stark difference in my tastebuds now. They are… more potent than they were before. The taste is… quite explosive." He said.

"Uh…" Sam cleared his throat, glancing over at Dean to see him still staring at Castiel's mouth. "… yeah we noticed."

Dean shifted in his seat, rubbing his thigh unconsciously as Cas took another bite and looked blissed out once more.

"Dean, um… third trial." Sam reminded him.

"Yeah…" he nodded, pulling his gaze away from Cas's mouth and looking at his brother, who looked slightly amused. "… curing that demon."

Castiel's head snapped up and he looked at them with wide eyes.

"You have to cure a demon?" he said.

They nodded at him. His eyes slid past them to the place where the demon had died after being hit with his grace. Sam and Metatron already took care of the body.

"That's why you had that demon." He guessed.

"Well that and… we were going to try to get information on Crowley and the angel tablet, see if we can get it back so that Crowley doesn't figure out a way to read it." Sam nodded.

Castiel fixed his bright blue eyes on Dean, looking confused.

"Why not Meg?" he asked with uncertainty.

Dread filled Dean and Sam both as they realized that Castiel didn't know she was dead.

"Meg?" Metatron questioned.

"A demon we've… allied with a few times. She actually took care of Castiel for a while when he wasn't doing so great." Dean said, looking as though he'd rather not talk to her because he didn't want to break the news to the former angel that his demon friend was dead.

"You allied with a demon?" Metatron scoffed. "An abomination? What were you thinking Castiel?"

"Meg is different. She was kind to me, helping me." he argued.

"Yes because she wanted something from you. They always do. They are not kind and they do not help us. They want to manipulate everything. I do hope that these hunters wised up and killed her." Metatron said, glancing at Sam and Dean.

"Uh… not exactly." Dean said, looking down at the table before glancing at Cas. "I'm sorry… it was when you and I were in the crypt. Meg sent Sam off to get us when Crowley showed up. She tried to fight him and…"

He cut off when Cas dropped his burger on the plate and his fists clenched. His eyes widened and Dean could see them watering slightly.

"Cas? I'm really sorry. I know you were…"

"It is not your fault." Cas murmured, cutting Sam off. "You could not have stopped Crowley from killing her. You had the tablet and… and me to worry about. I should not have run. I should have… perhaps she would be…"

He closed his eyes, breathing deeply before shoving the plate away.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I seem to have lost my appetite. The burger was quite good and I wish to have another just… not now." He stood gingerly and Dean moved to help him up but he waved him off.

"You should remain here and discuss the third trial. I do wish to rest now." Castiel said, not looking at him as he turned to shuffle into the hallway.

Dean sighed, sitting down and scrubbing his hands down his face.

"Dean… if you want to go…"

"No." he cut Sam off. "Let's talk about the trial. I'll check on him later."

He glanced back at the doorway worriedly once before turning to focus on the others.

* * *

When Dean walked back to the bedrooms several minutes later, he didn't know where Cas would be. He peeked into his room and was surprised when he saw that all of the blood was gone. The floor was cleaned and the bedding was stripped off and crumpled in the corner. Cas wasn't in there, though. He slipped past and found Cas in his room sitting on his bed.

His knees were drawn up to his chest and he was leaning away from the headboard. Castiel was not a short or small person but with his legs folded up and his chin resting on his knees, he looked almost childlike, especially when his soulful eyes stared up at Dean.

"I will replace the bedding that I ruined. I tried to clean the room as best I could but…"

"I'm not worried about the bedding, Cas. And the room looks great." Dean sighed, walking in and sitting on the bed just a few inches away from him.

Cas's eyes fell again and he was looking somewhere between his bare feet and Dean's thigh.

"I take responsibility for Meg's death. If I had not delayed us we would have left before Crowley had a chance to end her life." he said quietly.

"Cas you can't blame yourself." Dean said, shaking his head. "That is a long road that leads to nothing good. Trust me. You have taken enough blame on your shoulders…"

"I can blame myself for leaving you. I know that's what you wanted to ask me before. Why didn't I stay with you? You wanted to point out that we could have been stronger together. Dean, I'm sorry." Cas said.

Dean turned his head, staring straight forward even though he could feel the other man's eyes on him.

"For what?" he asked, running his fingers through his hair.

"Everything." Cas answered.

Dean sighed and shook his head, standing up and moving around the room.

"Everything? Like, uh... like ignoring us?" he questioned, his residual anger from Castiel leaving in the first place rising up.

He knew that he shouldn't bring it up, that it would only stress Cas out when he was recovering from everything that happened. But he couldn't forget that none of that would have happened if he'd just trusted them and stayed with them… if he'd just trusted Dean.

"Yes." Castiel said, sounding ashamed.

"Or like bolting off with the Angel Tablet, then losing it cause you didn't trust me?" Dean glanced over at him, unable to keep the accusing tone out of his voice. "You didn't trust me."

Castiel looked like a puppy who'd been kicked.

"Yes."

Dean saw a flash of acceptance in his eyes, like he'd been waiting for the hunter to get angry with him. If Dean would ever admit to something like that, he would say that it was heartbreaking.

"Dammit Cas." He half-growled, half-sighed, turning away.

He heard the springs of the bed creaking and turned. Suddenly the former angel was just in front of him. He glanced up at Dean once, looking sorrowful before gingerly wrapping his arms around Dean. It was awkward at first, as Castiel was still learning the mechanics of a hug as well as how to control his now very human body. He knew that it signified connection and was used to exhibit emotion and that's exactly what he wanted to do even though he wasn't exactly good at it yet. But then he sank into Dean, pressing his cheek to his chest and breathing deeply as his arms tightened around Dean's torso and he let the sound of the hunter's heartbeat fill his ears.

"I'm sorry." He whispered again, his voice shaky and despairing as his body trembled slightly with the onslaught of emotions that he did not know how to deal with. "I'm so sorry."

Dean found that all of his anger drained away as Cas clutched to him like a man who might fall if he didn't. His first instinct was to wrap his arms around Cas's shoulders but he didn't want to hurt the wounds on his back. Instead, one of his hands went to the middle of Castiel's back, pressing there with his fingers splayed out. His other hand hesitantly went to his head, sliding into the soft dark hair as he cradled his head.

"I know, Cas." He said quietly, holding the man to him.

Castiel's hands clutched at his shirt and Dean noticed that he was still shaking. Dean tried to pull away but he clenched to him tighter.

"Cas, hey…" he pulled himself out of his grip and Cas's head immediately dropped down.

Dean's hands went out and he lifted his head, his hands on his cheeks to see Castiel looked distressed and his lower lip was trembling slightly.

"I am very tired, Dean." He whispered, his voice cracking on his name.

"Well go to sleep, Cas. We'll all be here when you wake up." He tried to push the former angel towards the bed but he resisted.

"I can't, Dean. I tried to… before you came in. I laid down and I closed my eyes and I felt my body drifting off. Then I remembered… it felt like it was happening again. I felt like I was falling and I felt like I was ripped my grace out all over again, I felt the emptiness and the quiet in my head. I couldn't sleep, Dean. I felt like I was going to die if I did." he said, clutching at Dean's arms desperately.

Dean didn't know what to say. He knew what it was like. For months after coming out of hell, he felt like he was being dragged back every time he went to sleep. Some nights he just wouldn't sleep at all. But this was different, Cas needed to rest to let his body heal.

"What can I do, Cas? You have to sleep so tell me what I can do to make you feel better about sleeping."

He stared up at Dean, looking shocked at his need to get him to sleep.

"I… I don't want to be alone." He admitted after a moment, his cheeks coloring pink at the suggestion.

Dean hesitated before sighing and glancing at the bed.

"Come on, Cas." He pulled him towards it and the former angel went willingly this time.

He allowed Dean to push him on the bed to lie on his side. Then his eyes widened when Dean climbed in next to him.

"Sleep, Cas. I'll be right here. You can't get hurt while I'm here. You know that, right?" He said, lying inches away from him.

Castiel was facing away towards the wall. After a moment, he slid around, gingerly moving around his back and facing Dean. He nodded slowly before speaking.

"Thank you." he said softly, his eyes fixed on Dean's face.

Dean glanced down at him and nodded quickly, not trusting his voice to say anything else with Cas so close to him. He jumped slightly when the angel took his hand in both of his. One of them twisted through his fingers and the other closed around his wrist with his fingers pressing against the pulse.

"Alive, not dead." He heard Castiel whisper very quietly before his head fell against Dean's shoulder and his eyes fluttered closed.

* * *

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	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thanks to everyone who is reading, I love and appreciate you all. **

**Thanks to stefanswifey01, FireChildSlytherin5, TwilightHayley, SuperAwesomePandaKitty, LizErin, gypsydancer529, Sina, Monsters-Need-Love-Too, Isa-Just-Me, samandstinaarewhovians, ChevyImpalla1967, VampirePrinssess, JessMust7, the-poette, and the two guests for reviewing!**

* * *

Castiel gasped as he was ripped out of his sleep, his body flailing wildly. His eyes were squeezed shut as he tried to shove whatever weight was holding him down away. He felt pain in his back and knew that he should cease his struggles but he couldn't. He heard a voice from somewhere but couldn't quite place it. His eyes finally flew open and he sat up, scrambling to get away from whomever was trying to hold him down.

A hand caught his wrist and he panicked, trying to yank himself away from his attacker but unable to succeed due to his reduced strength. Castiel realized that his face was wet and his eyes were burning as a choked sob escaped from his mouth. Finally the other person dragged him backwards onto the bed and whirled him around, yanking him into his body.

"Cas!" his voice finally broke through the panicked haze of his mind.

The former angel slumped, the familiar hunter's voice shattering his resistance as the images in the dream, the first he'd ever had, flashed through his mind. He was flying first, soaring through the sky with his wings spread as far as they could go. Then, suddenly, he was falling through the clouds and the air without any chance of stopping. He felt his wings burning off on his back, his grace slipping from him as he hurtled towards the earth. It felt like hours before he finally hit the ground. Just as he did, he woke up.

Castiel finally pulled himself away from the nightmare to try to figure out what was going on. Dean was holding him on the bed, both of them kneeling across from each other. Cas was splayed against his chest limply with Dean's arms around his back holding him to his chest.

"It's okay, Cas. You're all right." Dean's voice murmured in his ear.

Cas's hands came up to grip Dean's shirt, his face burying in the other man's neck as he trembled in his embrace. The emotions were almost too much for him to handle. As an angel, the emotions never took over his body. They never forced him to do or say anything he didn't want to. They were under his control. Now, it seemed, the emotions controlled him and he didn't have any control over his actions when they overwhelmed him.

Dean's hands moved from his back and seized Castiel's shoulders, pushing him back. He tried to fight against it, wanting to feel the comfort that the hug was meant to provide. The hunter's hands went to Cas's face as he forced him to look up into his eyes.

"Talk to me." he said simply.

Cas stared at him, shocked speechless at what he saw. Blood was leaking out of a cut on his lip and another slice on his cheek where there was an angry red mark surrounding it. Thinking back to his struggles, Castiel remembered his hands connecting with a hard surface multiple times. Horror filled him when he realized that it was Dean's face. His hands came up and cradled the other man's face, guilt and sadness filling him at what he did… again. There was also devastation that it wasn't working… that it would never work again. No matter how hard he concentrated, he would never be able to heal Dean's face of the wounds he inflicted on it.

"Dean…" his voice broke on the word. "I'm sorry."

The hunter must have realized that there was evidence of Castiel's struggle on his face as realization dawned in his eyes.

"Cas it's not your fault." He said, his hands coming up to wrap around his wrists.

Castiel didn't move his hands from Dean's face, wanting more than every for the marks to disappear.

"It is my fault Dean. I hurt you again. I…" Cas pulled away, sliding his hands down Dean's jawline before pushing himself off of the bed.

"Cas!"

He hesitated before holding a hand out to Dean. The hunter took it with a wary expression, allowing Cas to pull him into the bathroom. Dean sat on the edge of the bathtub as Cas wet down a small towel with warm water. He hovered over Dean, dabbing at the wounds as he'd seen Dean do for Sam and for him. Dean winced once at the slight sting but the apologetic and devastated look in Cas's eyes at the motion made him certain that he wouldn't do it again so that he wouldn't have to see the heartbreaking look again.

When the bleeding stopped, Cas pulled away and set the washcloth down before turning back to Dean. He sighed before bending over and leaning in close to Dean, who couldn't really speak because of their closeness.

"I am very sorry, Dean." He said, his mouth hovering over his wound on his cheek.

Dean's heart stuttered as his lips brushed over the wound very gently and caused his skin to tingle. Cas had seen mothers doing this for their children as well as people for their lovers. There seemed to be a psychological healing quality from kissing wounds. If it worked, Castiel was willing to try it. It wasn't exactly hard to do when Dean was staring at him like _that_. He pulled away slowly and his gaze drifted down to the other wound on Dean's lower lip.

Cas wasn't a fool. He knew what kissing meant. He knew how to kiss and he certainly wasn't new to the concept. He half expected Dean to shove him away but he moved his lips, the other man's bright green eyes tracking his movements closely. Cas leaned forward hesitantly, his mouth hovering over the lip, giving Dean a chance to push him away. When nothing happened, he moved in closer and his lips brushed over the wound and the soft lip. Dean's mouth fell open with a sharp exhale at the feeling.

He didn't stop Cas. He couldn't. He was frozen. His heart was thundering in his chest as the former angel remained there for a moment before pulling away.

"Thank you for remaining with me as I slept, Dean." Cas murmured, staring deep into his eyes.

Dean nodded slowly, still unable to talk.

"I… I feel that I am dirty. I should take a… shower?" Cas asked questioningly.

"Yeah, a shower, Cas." Dean nodded, knowing that's certainly what he needed now, preferably at a colder temperature. "I'll show you how to work it."

Castiel watched as Dean turned it on. He nodded in understanding before Dean turned to walk out, his body still reacting to the events of a few minutes ago.

"Dean?" Cas's voice stopped him short and he turned. "Can you help me?"

Of course, Cas was still unable to lift his shirt over his head with his back wounds. Dean moved forward and, through a bit of teamwork, managed to get the t-shirt off several minutes later. Dean tossed the shirt to the ground and then looked back up at Cas, who looked back at Dean with his piercing eyes. The hunter's eyes drifted downwards and he let his eyes look over his clear, smooth chest. Dean didn't know why, but his hand drifted outwards and laid over the left side of his upper chest near his shoulder.

"We should get you an anti-possession tattoo, just in case." He said.

"I suppose that would be smart." Castiel nodded, unable to think of anything but Dean's hand on his chest.

Dean stared at him for another moment before nodding and backing out of the bathroom. When he shut the door behind him, he leaned against the wall while taking deep breaths.

"What the hell was that about?" he whispered, the slight kiss flashing through his head.

The worst part wasn't the kiss. It wasn't the fact that Cas was a guy or a fallen angel. It wasn't that he'd left them several times. It was the fact that Dean didn't mind the kiss. It was the fact that there was disappointment in him that it didn't last.

* * *

Castiel stepped out from the hot spray, maneuvering so that it wouldn't soak his bandages more than it already had. The power of the nozzle was slightly painful when it beat against his shoulders but it was unavoidable considering that he didn't have any other way to get clean. He grabbed a towel and quickly dried his body off, glancing around to see what he would put on after he was dry. He knew that Dean and Sam never put on the same clothes after they showered.

He carefully wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the door, slipping out of the bathroom as steam from the hot water poured out. He immediately caught sight of Dean standing by the bed with his shirt off, pulling another out of his drawers. Castiel simply watched for a few moments, unable to tear his eyes away. He was facing away from the bathroom and his muscles in his back rolled and stretched as he searched through the dresser for a pair of clean socks.

Cas clenched his fists as he felt heat pool in his lower belly and he inhaled sharply. Dean turned around at the sound and his eyes raked over his lack of clothing and the towel that was covering him.

"How was the shower, Cas?" Dean asked, his voice rougher than usual.

"It was… hot." Cas answered, his eyes moving to look anywhere but at Dean.

Dean let out a slight chuckle and gestured to the bed.

"Clothes for you." he said as Castiel caught sight of the pile of fabric.

He walked to it and picked it up.

"Thank you, Dean. How is your face?" he asked, wincing when he saw that it was swelling slightly and that it would likely bruise.

"I'll live, Cas. I've had a lot worse." Dean assured him, pulling a shirt over his head.

"_Yes, from me."_ Castiel thought to himself before turning to the bathroom.

"Wait." Dean walked around the bed and pulled him back, sitting him down.

"What?" Cas said, confused.

"Bandages."

Dean peeled them off and threw them in the trash, inspecting the wounds before replacing them. His fingers carefully smoothed the edges out and Castiel clenched his fists again, the feeling of Dean's rough fingers on his sensitive back bringing the heated feeling back again.

"Cas?"

He realized that Dean had moved around and was staring at his face that almost looked pained.

"Did I hurt you?" Dean asked with concern.

He shook his head quickly and they both realized that they were very close. Castiel's eyes moved over Dean's face, taking it all in before he looked at the scabbed over wound on Dean's lip. The memory of kissing it sparked up in both of their minds and their lips tingled at the same time.

"Dean…" Castiel's warm breath washed over him and Dean unconsciously licked his own lips.

Cas's eyes followed the motion and he saw the pupils dilate slightly.

"Yeah Cas?" Dean murmured, not even really aware of what he was doing as he moved a little bit closer.

"Can… can I…"

A knock on the door interrupted them and Dean sprung back as Sam peeked his head in, looking confused at the situation that he saw before him.

"Hey, I found something in the old exorcism records while you were sleeping. Do we have a room 7B?" he questioned Dean.

"I, uh…" Dean raked his hands through his hair. "I don't know. Let's go check."

He moved towards the door before glancing back at Castiel, who was watching them with wide blue eyes.

"Get dresses Cas, you can help us out with whatever this is in the main room." Dean said, working to fight back the urge to walk back and finish what they were doing.

Castiel simply nodded, standing up and grabbing the clothes before walking back into the bathroom.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thanks to everyone who is reading, I love and appreciate you all. **

**Thanks to theconsultingtardisbananaangel, Isa-Just-Me, stefanswifey01, L. Pseudonym, SuperAwesomePandaKitty, k-mamma, VampirePrinssess, gypsydancer529, Monsters-Need-Love-Too, Green-Aurora, JessMust7, FireChildSlythering5, and the guest for reviewing!**

**This chapter might have the characters being a little OOC and I apologize for that. This is much harder to write than I originally thought.**

* * *

Castiel finally shuffled out of the room a few minutes later, his bare feet sliding across the floor. He was wearing Dean's jeans and a t-shirt without much else other than the boxers underneath the jeans. They were ripped in a few spots and his t-shirt had a suspicious old stain on the lower front but Cas didn't care. It all smelled of Dean's distinct scent: scotch, leather, and gunpowder as well as an earthy scent that wasn't easy to place.

When he walked into the main room, no one was there. He glanced around, wondering what to do. He sniffed the air and found that a strange scent hung in the air. At the same time, his stomach rumbled and shocked him, causing his eyes to widen in panic. A chuckle sounded behind him and he turned his head to see Dean walking in holding a strange shiny circular thing in his hand. Sam followed him, looking worse for wear as he carried a film reel and a projector.

"What was that?" Castiel asked with a slightly fearful voice, afraid that his body just did something that signified a bad thing was happening to him.

His midsection let out the terrifying noise again and Cas pressed his hand to it, feeling like his body was aching for something, crying out for something he could not place.

"You're just hungry, Cas. That's what happens when you haven't eaten much. Your body isn't very happy and it smells this." Dean said, holding up the silver and shining covered bowl.

"What is that?" he asked curiously, relieved that he hadn't damaged his stomach somehow.

"Popcorn." Dean said with sparkling eyes and a grin.

He set it down on the table and pulled it open, letting the scent of the food waft over Cas as he moved over to Dean's side and bent over it. His stomach rumbled happily simply at the smell and Dean laughed again.

"Go ahead, try it." he said.

Castiel reached out and took a piece, experimentally touching it to his tongue and closing his mouth. The flavor bursted out on his taste buds, salty and surprising with how potent it was. The strange food seemed to melt on his tongue, leaving behind one hard part that he had to chew up before swallowing.

"You humans are amazing." He breathed. "God gives you a simple crop but you manage to find so many different uses for it, so many different ways to satisfy your craving for food."

Dean and Sam watched as he reached for more and popped it into his mouth.

"I'm glad you like it, Cas." Dean said.

Normally he would clap him on the back but that was dangerous with his still healing wounds from where his wings ripped out. Instead he patted the small of Castiel's back gently and caused the former angel to look at him with a wondrous gaze, still caught up in the beauty of the innovation of corn.

"Would you like some, Dean?"

Castiel held some out pinched between his already salty and buttery fingers. Without thinking and without regard for his brother who was setting up the film reel for them to watch, Dean moved forward and snagged it between his teeth, grinning at Cas as he chewed the popcorn. Castiel looked thrilled that he was able to please Dean and he offered him more, making Dean laugh as he took it. Sam's eyes lifted and he was shocked at the scene in front of him.

He knew that there was something going on after what happened in crypt but, considering that Dean avoided all conversation about his feelings, he never found out what it was. When he opened the door a few minutes before to find them both looking like they were caught with their hands in the cookie jar, he knew that he'd missed something. Now he was watching Cas feeding Dean popcorn and his brother taking it willingly like nothing gave him any greater joy.

"See? Being human isn't all bad." Dean said, pulling Sam out of his reverie as he dropped his eyes, not wanting to intrude on their private moment any more.

Castiel nodded, putting more popcorn in his mouth.

"I will admit that it is nice to be able to enjoy food as these taste buds were meant to. As an angel, my dulled sense of taste took away from the flavor of foods as I did not need to experience it." he said after he chewed it up.

He stared at his butter covered fingers and licked his lips of the salty taste on them before putting his fingers in his mouth and licking them slowly of the butter, relishing in the taste of it. Dean watched with his eyes zeroed on on Cas's pink tongue moving in and out of his mouth in a sinfully sensuous way. He shifted slightly and his hands clenched into fists without him realizing it. Castiel looked up at him and his eyes fixed on Dean's, surprised to see that they were staring at him and a few shades darker than normal. His pupils were a bit wider and his own tongue slipped out to wet his lips down.

Sam looked back up and saw the staring match that they were engaged in, recognizing that it was not one of their normal contests. He saw Dean's body language and the way that Castiel stared at him as if he was trying to figure out what was going on in the hunter's head. He cleared his throat and Dean's head snapped to him, his fists unclenching.

"The video is ready." Sam said, glancing between them.

"Great, let's see what's so important about this." Dean said, moving to the other side of the table and sitting down stiffly.

Cas sank into a chair and glanced around with confusion, Dean's strange actions forgotten for the moment.

"Where are Metatron and Kevin?" he asked.

"Metatron took Kevin back to his hiding place to keep him safe. It's better than here because Crowley and Naomi don't know about it." Sam explained when Dean didn't say anything.

Cas simply nodded and turned to look at the wall when the film began playing.

* * *

"Well, that was weird... with three exclamation points." Dean said, commenting on the video of the exorcism they just watched.

"That wasn't a normal exorcism. They changed the words." Sam said, staring at the wall as he processed what they'd seen.

Castiel looked around at them.

"I believe lustra is Latin for wash or cleanse." He informed them, wanting to help where he could.

"Oh, yeah, cause that was the most freaky thing was the vocabulary." Dean said, glancing at Sam. "Anything else on the film, like director's commentary, sequel, maybe?"

"Yeah, listen to this." Sam picked up a paper and read from it. "The older priest, Max Thompson, bit the dust in '58, but the younger one is still alive and still in St. Louis."

"Think this kind of weird is worth the drive?" Dean questioned.

"Dean, everything in those folders… the possessions, the deals, all of it…" the younger brother gestured around at the files that he had spread around the tables. "… we've seen that before, but that… that was all new. Yeah, it's worth the drive."

"All right. Let's roll." Dean said, standing up.

Castiel moved to stand as well but the hunter shook his head.

"Not you." Dean refused.

Cas stared at him with a furrowed brow and a defeated expression.

"Dean, I just want to help." He said, his voice quieter than he meant it to be.

"Not with this. You can help by staying here and getting better. You're still weak and we can't risk you getting hurt or getting us hurt, not this close to the finish. You can stick around here and… I don't know, do research or something. There's still a lot of stuff to read through and Sam can leave it out for you." Dean said, gesturing around the room.

Castiel and Sam both watched as he turned to walk out and grab his stuff to leave. Sam glanced over at the fallen angel and saw that he looked devastated and defiant at the same time.

"It's just until you get better, Cas. Then you can help us out." Sam assured him.

Castiel didn't answer, sinking back into his chair and looking down at his hands. He knew, deep inside, that he was useless now without his 'mojo', as Dean called it. But to hear the hunter admit it out loud, it made Cas angry and sad all at the same time. He felt horrible and part of him wanted to curl within himself to suffer. The other part of him wanted to prove to Dean that he was not a weak little pathetic being. He wanted to prove that he could help out. But he had no idea how to do such a thing.

Dean walked back into the room a few moments later just as Sam was walking out to put on his day clothing. He saw how dejected the former angel looked and sighed, placing his duffle bag on the table.

"You know I would bring you if I could, Cas. But you're just not ready. If we get attacked…"

"I'll be useless. I know, Dean. You don't have to repeat it a second time." Castiel snapped, pushing away from the table and moving to stomp out of the room.

"Hey, Cas." Dean moved to follow him but, surprisingly enough, he was running down the hallway, all weakness forgotten in his hurry to get away from the hunter.

The door to Castiel's room slammed shut and, after Dean heard a little bit of fumbling, the lock clicked into place. Castiel and Dean both knew that he could get into the room if he wanted to. But Dean knew that it wouldn't be fair of him to slam his way into the room when Cas obviously didn't want him in there.

"I didn't mean that you would be useless, Cas." He said.

There was no reply.

"I just want to protect you." Dean murmured, knowing that Castiel couldn't hear him. "I can't lose you, not again."

He turned to walk away, leaving Castiel to his own company as he waited on Sam to leave.

* * *

"Dude!"

Castiel looked up at the young cashier with a guilty expression as the teenager looked at the fallen display with an annoyed look.

"I have money." Cas assured him.

After Dean and Sam left, he was convinced that he would not be forced to remain useless. He knew that the town was a few miles away from the men of letters bunker and so he simply walked there, pulling on a jacket of Dean's as well as his old dress shoes. Now he was in a small market and, in his confused quest to find Dean some things to prove that he was not completely useless, he'd made a bit of a mess in the store.

He placed all of the items on the counter and then turned to the display that was meant to hold pies, his heart dropping when he saw that it was empty.

"Where's the pie?" Castiel asked, turning to face the cashier who looked like he would love nothing more than to kick him out.

"I think we're out." the young man shrugged, looking unapologetic.

Castiel squinted at him for a moment before reaching out and grasping his shirt, yanking him close despite the fact that he was no longer as strong as he used to be.

"You don't understand. I need pie." He growled.

"Put the virgin down, Castiel."

Cas let go and turned slowly to face Metatron who was standing there staring at him.

"We need to talk."

* * *

"I cannot do this." Castiel said as they entered the bunker.

He set the bags on the counter and began pulling everything out.

"Castiel, it has to be you and me. We can do this together. We can fix heaven if we just…"

Cas slammed the toilet paper onto the table and inhaled deeply, trying to calm his raging emotions. He was still having a hard time keeping them under control.

"I cannot do it! I am not strong enough! I am weak and human! I am no longer an angel and I am no longer any use to anyone! I can't even get pie!" he shouted, anger overtaking him.

Metatron stared at him, surprised at his outburst.

"I'll come back when you're calmed down, Castiel. We can talk about this again." The angel said before disappearing in a rustle of feathers.

The sound echoed in Castiel's head and he knew that he would never hear the feathers of his own wings doing the same again. He would never hear the voices of his brothers and sisters echoing in his mind, buzzing around with different information all in Enochian. His mind was empty besides himself. Jimmy Novak was long gone but Castiel would have even accepted his voice into his mind if it meant that he wasn't all alone in the large bunker. He seized one of the beer bottles and, as he'd seen Dean do many times, threw it against the wall with all of his might. It shattered on impact, the dark glass flying everywhere and the liquid bursting out all over the place.

His body dropped into a chair and he bent over, burying his face in his hands. His chest tightened and a lump formed in his throat as salty tears burned his eyes that were squeezed shut.

* * *

Dean and Sam walked into the bunker to find the beer, toilet paper, and magazines on the table. There was one beer missing and Castiel was nowhere to be seen.

"Cas?" Dean called, glancing around.

"Dean…"

He glanced back to see Sam pointing to a spot on the floor. There was a shard of glass as well as quite a few drops of what was undoubtedly blood.

"Cas!" he yelled louder, throwing his bag down and moving quickly to the bedrooms.

Castiel's room was empty so he went to his own room. He saw that the bathroom light was on and pushed the door open to see Cas sitting on the toilet holding a bloody rag to his hands.

"Cas, what the hell did you do?" Dean demanded, kneeling in front of him and pulling the rag away.

He saw tiny cuts and knicks all over his hands as well as one big slice in the center of his palm.

"I broke a bottle and attempted to pick the glass up. It did not go well." Cas said miserably, refusing to look up and meet Dean's eyes. "If I were an angel, these would be easy to heal. I would barely waste any grace on them."

"Don't do that, Cas." Dean sighed, pulling him to the sink to wash the cuts out. "You're just gonna torture yourself."

"Maybe I deserve a little torture, Dean. After all that I've done, if no one else will make me pay, perhaps I should make myself regret my decisions and my life. I should be made to repent. I should be made to fix it even if it might destroy me."

Dean pulled him into the bedroom and sat him on the bed. He grabbed two long bandages to wrap Castiel's hands once the cuts stopped bleeding. None of them were deep enough to warrant stitches.

"What are you even talking about, Cas?" he asked.

The former angel stared at the wall past his head.

"It doesn't matter. I would not succeed. I never do. I only destroy things. I never fix them." He said numbly.

"Hey, Cas… you're freaking me out a little. What the hell happened while I was gone? Did you go shopping?"

He finally met Dean's eyes and nodded.

"I messed that up too. I wanted to get you pie. I wanted to show you that I could help. I failed just as I always do. Such a simple human task and I cannot even manage it. I must be laughable to you humans even more so than to the angels. Where do I belong if I cannot succeed as neither human nor angel? What is the point of my existence if I bring nothing to this world and heaven but misery and failure?"

Dean's brow furrowed as he stared up at Cas. He sighed after a moment and stood, holding his hand out.

"You belong here, Cas. Now we need some help. Can you come help us? I'm sure you'll be useful in decoding whatever this special exorcism is."

Cas stared at his hand uncertainly, wondering if Dean was only allowing him to help because of his melancholy.

"I will try, Dean." He promised, sliding his hand into the hunter's and allowing himself to be led to the main room.

* * *

They all stood there staring at the tape as it ran out.

"Did he just... cure a demon?" Dean said, the echoes of the priest's exorcism and the demon's repentant words going through all three males' minds.

"Maybe." Sam breathed, looking almost exhilarated.

Dean turned to his brother, daring to look hopeful.

"Could we take this hoodoo on a test drive?" he asked, glancing at Cas.

"You have the exorcism right here. All you need is the blood, consecrated ground, and a demon." Cas replied.

Dean nodded, turning to pace as Sam and Castiel watched.

"So, what? We summon a demon, trap it…" Sam trailed off.

"Or…" Dean's eyes lit up with an idea. "Or we use one that we've already tagged. Do we still have dad's old army field surgeon's kit?"

"It's in the trunk. Why?" Sam questioned.

"Yeah, I think it's time we put humpty dumpty back together again." Dean said, smirking.

"What do you mean?" Castiel asked, looking confused.

"Abaddon." Sam realized.

The fallen angel's eyes widened.

"Abaddon? As in the Knight of Hell?" he demanded.

"Yeah." Sam nodded.

Cas stared between them with shock.

"When did you come across Abaddon?" he demanded.

"After… after we went after Alfie." Dean admitted.

Castiel realized it immediately. It was after he killed Samandriel and returned to heaven where Naomi conditioned him for months to kill Dean.

"You neutralized Abaddon, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, not as easy as it sounds. We, uh… chopped her up and buried her in concrete." Dean informed him.

He stared at Dean.

"And now you're considering pulling her up, putting her back together, and curing her? Dean, this is not going to work." Castiel argued.

Dean stared at him.

"Why the hell not?" he demanded.

"Abaddon is not your average demon. She is much stronger and far more intelligent than even Crowley. She will find a way out of it." Cas argued.

"We've dealt with her before and come out on top. I think we can do it again." Dean said defensively.

"Dean you don't understand…"

"Where are we going to find another demon, Cas? We had a demon, you burned his eyes out with your grace. We haven't exactly seen any other demons around here anywhere. So what are we supposed to do?" Dean snapped, his frustration overtaking him.

Cas looked as though he'd been hit, recoiling from Dean as he felt the blame upon his shoulders that he accidentally killed their best hope at closing hell.

"I'm sorry, Dean." He said quietly, the fight draining from him as he moved away from the hunters.

Dean's face immediately softened as he realized what he said.

"No, Cas. I didn't… I didn't mean to yell at you. This is just our best chance right now and…"

"I understand, Dean. I know that you don't want me to go with you so that you will be able to protect Sam. I hope that you succeed in curing Abaddon." He said, moving to walk out.

"Hey Cas, we could actually use your help." Sam cut in.

"No. Dean is right. I am weak and if I go with you, I'll just get us all killed. You will do better without me." he decided, slipping out of the room without a backwards glance.

Sam turned to face Dean with a questioning and slightly accusatory look.

"What? You already heard me say I didn't mean it. What else am I supposed to do?" Dean said defensively.

"You could apologize, ask him to come with us to help." Sam suggested.

"No, he's safer here and you know it. Come on, we have to get ready to cure Abaddon." Dean said definitively before walking out to get supplies for the exorcism.

* * *

Castiel was left alone, once again, in the bunker. He sat at the table and stared at the beer he purchases, ignoring the pain in his hands and in his shoulders. An hour passed before he heard Metatron appear once again.

"Have you thought about it?" the angel asked.

Cas sighed and looked down at his carefully bandaged hands before glancing over at Metatron. He gave it a lot of thought, his mind continuously going back to Sam. If the younger Winchester, after everything he gave to the world, volunteering his own body to become the vessel of Lucifer before shoving not one, but two archangels into the pit, and then continuing on his quest to save the world once he got out of hell could pull it together to save it once again at the expense of his health, Castiel could do at least what he could to close heaven down. Sam Winchester, along with his brother, was a far more admirable man that Castiel ever hoped to be. But that didn't mean that the fallen angel couldn't strive to be like the brothers.

"What do I have to do?" he asked.

* * *

**Please review! I'm not too confident about this chapter. If you hated it, you can let me know but please do it in a nicer way and not a rude way. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thanks to everyone who is reading, I love and appreciate you all.**

**Thanks to The Mysterious Shadow, FireChildSlytherin5, SuperAwesomePandaKitty, stefanswifey01, VampirePrinssess, FangirlingPetrichor, k-mamma, c0lorless r0ses, gypsydancer529, Cold North, JessMust7, Phoenix Autumn, and jazzy2may for reviewing!**

**Imagine that, through all of this, the events of Clip Show are happening with Dean, Sam, and Crowley. **

**You are probably (most likely, hopefully) going to like this chapter… A LOT!**

* * *

Castiel's hands were shaking. Metatron had shoved his angel blade into the fallen angel's hands and pointed him towards the Nephilim.

"I can't do this." he murmured, watching as the girl walked towards her car in the parking lot.

"Yes you can, Castiel. Just remember that you are still a warrior, with or without your grace. You can do this, for the good of our brothers and sisters and for the good of this earth." Metatron encouraged him.

Cas moved forward and gripped the blade tighter. The young woman suddenly whirled around with a glare.

"I know what you are." She said accusingly. "I could see your halo."

She nodded at Metatron before looking back at Castiel.

"And you're a fallen angel. I can see how broken you are."

"And we know what you are, abomination." Metatron snapped.

"Please, I'm not. I try to be nice. I just want to live my life." she said pleadingly, sounding so incredibly human.

Castiel faltered, his grip on the blade loosening.

"You have to do it, Castiel. Don't listen to her. You know what has to be done." Metatron said.

"Not like this. My father never would have wanted this." he said softly.

"This is the first trial, Castiel. If you want to do this, this is how it has to happen. She is an abomination and a threat to everyone. Kill her." Metatron said.

The young woman stared between them with wide, fearful eyes. Castiel felt his heart breaking but if it could keep the angels safe as well as the Winchesters and their world, he had to do it.

"I am so sorry." He said softly, moving forward as Metatron grinned triumphantly.

Suddenly the young woman's eyes turned darker and she glared at him.

"You will be." she growled.

* * *

Castiel stared with horror as the young woman's body dropped to the ground. Metatron was holding the blood blade and looking satisfied with a job well done. His stomach lurched as he gasped for air after she'd been choking him with a death grip up against the dumpster. He stumbled away and felt his body begin to heave.

"Castiel?" Metatron called as he ran to the grass.

He didn't answer, instead doubling over and retching as his body expelled all of the food from his stomach. It tasted disgusting and felt horrible. When it was all over and his body quit spasming, he stumbled away and collapsed onto the gravel, burying his head in his hands as he panicked.

"Castiel." The angel repeated.

"Why did we do that? Why would my father want us to do that? She was innocent. She didn't know anything to harm anyone. Her parentage… it was not her fault." Castiel ranted miserably.

Metatron's brow furrowed as he knelt down in front of him. Cas's breaths were coming out sharply as if he could not inhale right to get enough air into his lungs. His throat felt as though the Nephilm's strong hands were still squeezing it. His eyes burned and he choked and sputtered through his words.

"Are you… grieving for her?" Metatron asked curiously, looking slightly disgusted.

"She did not deserve this death." He said, feeling the grief and pain running through him as he looked at the half angel's lifeless body.

He gripped his knees as he pulled them to his chest, wincing at the pain in his body but still suffering over the thought of having ended that girl's life.

"She needed to die, Castiel. It's for a good cause. We can fix everything. Her sacrifice will be honored." Metatron assured him.

Cas shook his head.

"Take me away from here. Take me back. I want to go back to the bunker. I can't be here any more."

He knew very well that he was acting on human emotions but he couldn't help it. They rushed through him and, more than anything, he wished that he could make it stop. He thought of his poisoned grace hanging around Dean's neck and wished that he could force it back into his body in a way that wouldn't kill him immediately.

He saw Metatron stand up and suddenly they were no longer in the parking lot. When he dropped to the floor at the bunker, he was alone and Metatron was nowhere to be found. Castiel looked around to see that it was still empty. He let out a soft howl of pain, anguish, and remorse over his actions as he curled in on himself on the floor of the bunker.

* * *

Dean sighed heavily as they walked into the bunker, Sam trailing behind him looking miserable. They set their bags down and Dean glanced over at Sam.

"You okay?" he asked.

"What do you think?" Sam replied.

"Look, I know it's bad right now, okay, but we stick to the plan. We shut down Hell." Dean assured him.

"How, exactly?" Sam said, looking over at him.

"We get a demon…"

"You heard Crowley." Sam cut his older brother off. "He's not gonna let one near us, and without a demon, all we can do is sit back and watch people we know, people we saved, die like Sarah."

"So what are you saying?" Dean frowned at Sam as he spoke the question.

"I'm saying... maybe this isn't one we can win. Maybe we should just take the deal." Sam sighed, feeling so beaten down that he didn't even know how to fight anymore.

Dean shook his head stubbornly, unwilling to take that way out.

"We'll figure this out. We will. Man, we'll get it done. We'll kick it in the ass like we always do. Are you with me?" Dean pushed him.

Sam stared at him for a moment before nodding hesitantly.

"Good. Now… go get some rest. I'll figure out where Cas is." Dean moved to walk back to the bedrooms but a sound stopped him.

He glanced back with confusion, glancing at Sam who heard it as well.

They both walked back towards the kitchen and when they looked in, their faces betrayed their surprise at what they saw. Castiel was standing at the big industrial sink scrubbing furiously at his trenchcoat that was still covered in blood. His face was screwed up with concentration and emotion as he did so.

"Cas?" Dean asked hesitantly.

The former angel didn't glance back at him, just scrubbing at the coat.

"I don't know how you do it." he finally spoke.

"Do what?" Sam questioned.

"Humans and their emotions. How can you handle the constant barrage of bereavement and regret… despair and rage?" Cas said quietly.

"What's going on, Cas?" Dean said, unable to understand what brought on the fallen angel's words.

"It hurts, Dean. Worse than the wounds or any other pain you can conjure. Why? Why do humans insist on living if all they feel is pain all of the time?"

Cas dropped the jacket and turned to face Dean. His eyes were red-rimmed and devastated. He looked like he was caught between heaving sobs and violent punches. Dean had no idea what to say or do. He glanced back at Sam, who looked like he was at a loss as well.

"How is all of this worth the effort of living? Yes there's the food and the relationships with other humans but don't they bring you pain as well? Food can easily turn on you and even kill you. People you are close to can hurt you to the point of suicide so I ask, why live when all there is… is pain? I look at your life, both of you, and all I see is that you have suffered without respite. Why do you continue to fight on a daily basis for others who are going through their own pain? For those who would most likely welcome the relief of death if it took them away from their emotions?"

Dean was getting more startled the more he talked.

"Cas… no." he said, shaking his head.

He heard footsteps and glanced back to see that Sam had disappeared, slipping out wisely to let Dean calm Cas down on his own.

"Help me understand, Dean. I need to know why you go on. I need to know if there's something I'm missing. Is there… anything? A light at the end of the tunnel, as you would say?" Cas almost pleaded desperately.

Dean sighed and slumped over the counter, running his fingers through his hair. He was emotionally exhausted after dealing with Sam and Crowley's threats but he knew that he had to help Castiel. The angel truly looked distressed by what was going on in his head.

"Yeah, it all sucks, Cas. No one is going to deny that. The anger and the grief is… terrible. Guilt is even worse." He sighed.

Cas looked at him with an expression that looked like he was about to cry similarly to how he looked whenever Dean yelled at him.

"But there's… other things. Life isn't just bad stuff and sadness. It's… laughter and happiness. You have to find those things that make you happy." Dean informed him.

Castiel's shoulders slumped as he leaned back against the counter.

"Then it's hopeless for me." he murmured.

Dean furrowed his brow and moved around the island towards the former angel.

"Cas that's not true." He said.

"After all that I've done… the suffering I've caused that echoes in my mind all of the time… I can't look for happiness when I've ruined the lives of so many. I don't deserve it." Cas said, staring at the ground.

"You deserve it, Cas. Trust me." Dean assured him.

Castiel looked up at him with surprise.

"Where do I even begin to start finding something to make me happy? What can possibly overcome the sadness, guilt, and anger?" he questioned quietly.

"You've been happy before… I've seen you." Dean reminded him.

Cas stared at him, tilting his head slightly to the side. There was an entire minute of silence between them.

"Cas?" Dean asked, staring closely at him.

"When you tell me you need me… I feel…" The former angel trailed off, staring at Dean with a tentative look.

Dean understood almost immediately. He stepped forward slowly, moving towards him.

"You feel what?"

"Blithe." Cas answered, his cheeks coloring slightly.

"This isn't time for a vocabulary lesson, Cas. What do you feel?" Dean asked again, crowding into his space before he could help it.

If he could help Cas see that light, the light that Dean wanted him to see so badly, that Dean could almost see himself, he would do anything. If he could be convinced that the fallen angel that he needed so desperately wouldn't give up on life simply for the devastation of being human, he would do whatever Cas needed… or wanted… him to do.

"Elated." Castiel said.

"Dammit Cas just tell me what you feel in plain words, no more synonyms." Dean almost growled, very close to crowding in on the other man's personal space.

"Happy." He whispered, staring deep into Dean's eyes.

Dean let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. His hands came up and fisted into Cas's shirt.

"Then tell me what I can do to convince you that being human isn't all sadness. What can I do to make you… blithe… or whatever?" he said, staring into Castiel's deep blue eyes that held so much more emotion than Dean was used to.

"Knowing that you need me is enough." he answered.

"You know that I do, Cas. I've told you… God I've told you so many times. I need you, you son of a bitch." Dean said roughly.

Cas's hand came up to cup his cheek.

"I need you too, Dean." He murmured, his thumb sweeping over the bruise on Dean's cheek where he hit him by accident.

Suddenly Castiel's brow furrowed and he looked at Dean with bemusement.

"Does that make you happy?" he asked.

Dean stared at Cas for a moment, turning the question over in his head. When he felt the slight skip in his heart as he repeated the declaration of need from the former angel in his mind, he knew the answer.

"Yeah, Cas. That makes me happy." He said.

Cas stared at him for a moment before his eyes dropped to Dean's lips and back up to his mouth.

"Can… can I…" he began the question again that Sam had so rudely interrupted before.

"Dammit Cas." Dean growled. "You talk too much."

Suddenly their lips were pressed together without either of them really knowing how. Castiel froze for a moment, shocked at what was happening before he thawed out and dropped his hands to fist in Dean's jacket. Dean's hands moved upwards, one of them sliding into Cas's messy dark hair while the other moved around his neck to bring him closer. Their lips didn't move for a few moments, both of them just feeling it out. Finally Dean let out a breath and slid his lips over Cas's gently, letting the former angel do the same experimentally. They didn't go much further, both content with the softness of their first kiss. When they broke away, Cas didn't open his eyes, pressing his forehead against Dean's as he breathed deeply.

"You are my light at the end of the tunnel, Dean. I realize that now." He said.

Dean felt elation filling him at Cas's confession.

"Then I'll work hard to make sure you know that human doesn't have to be bad." he replied, his hand threading through Cas's hair softly.

"Thank you." Castiel breathed back, curling into Dean's arms as he moved down to lay his head against his chest, listening to the steady thud of his heart.

* * *

**Please review! I was very nervous about writing this part so hearing your thoughts would be great!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Wow! Twenty reviews! That's the most you've given me so far and I thank you so much for it. Thank you to everyone who is reading faithfully as well. You're all so amazing and I am so grateful and love you for sticking with me.**

**Thanks to Cold North, AniKey, gypsydancer529, theconsultingtardisbananaangel, k-mamma, ChevyImpalla1967, ValidEgo, jazzy2may, Monsters-Need-Love-Too, SuperAwesomePandaKitty, FireChildSlytherin5, VampirePrinssess, Isa-Just-Me, c0lorless r0ses, stefanswifey01, EnsignAbby, Heki564, FangirlingPetrichor, JessMust7, and the guest for reviewing!**

**For those who are worried that the story was going too close to the canon episodes, I don't think you have to be concerned about that in this chapter. I diverged way off the path so much that even I'm shocked by the turn of events. On the other hand, I am so so sorry for this chapter. Parts of it kind of wrote itself without my permission and I guess my mind wanted Metatron to be way more evil.**

* * *

"_Dean?" _

_He was lost in the bunker. Castiel knew that he should have taken Dean up on the full tour long before now. The hallways seemed endless and he couldn't find his way back to the main room or the bedrooms. There was no answer as he called for either Dean or Sam._

"_Sam? Dean? Anyone?" he questioned._

_As he turned the corner of another corridor, he stopped short in horror. Lying in front of him was Dean… dead. It was one of the Deans that he'd killed, he was certain. He backed away and turned to walk back the way he came before finding another Dean corpse._

"_No." he murmured, moving to turn down another hallway. _

_Another three Dean bodies blocked his way, all staring at him with lifeless green eyes._

"_Dean." _

_Castiel stumbled backwards and hit a wall, crumpling against it as he slid down. All of the bodies seemed to stare at him accusingly._

"_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He whimpered, putting his face in his hands so he didn't have to look at them. "I'm so sorry."_

"_Cas." A voice whispered his name._

_He moved his hands hesitantly, peeking out._

"_Cas. Cas!"_

* * *

"Cas!"

He jerked awake and sat up, inhaling sharply as the nightmare flashed across his vision. Dean sat up next to him and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, it's all right. Just a nightmare." He assured him.

Cas sighed and ran his fingers down his face, shifting uncomfortably as he felt his skin covered in a sheen of sweat and his heart was racing.

"Come on. Lay back down." Dean urged him, pulling him back.

Castiel did as he said, laying back and breathing deeply.

"I was lost. I saw your… corpses… the ones that I killed. They were haunting me. They're always haunting me." he explained.

"Shh… it's all right, Cas. It wasn't real." Dean assured him, pulling him around so that the former angel's back was laying the hunter's chest and their legs were tangled together.

Cas sighed and let his eyes flutter closed as he felt the other man's face press into his neck. Dean's left arm was draped lazily over his waist.

"Tell me about closing heaven." Dean said.

Castiel's eyes flew open and he stared straight ahead with confusion.

"I never told you about the trials for heaven." He said quietly, his heart speeding up again.

"No, you didn't." Dean agreed.

After a moment, he realized what was going on.

"I'm still asleep. This is another dream."

"A lot more pleasant than the last one, don't you think? Now… tell me about the trials." Dean repeated, letting his lips skim over Cas's neck as his nose buried into his dark hair.

"I… I had to sacrifice a young woman. I didn't want to but… he said it was necessary. She was a Nephilim. Metatron kept calling her an abomination. I didn't agree. She was just… living her life. It wasn't her fault. I feel shame at the part I played in her death." Castiel described for Dean even though the hunter wasn't really there.

"I don't know, Cas. That sounds pretty shady."

Cas inhaled sharply when he pressed an open mouthed kiss to the side of his neck.

"Yes… yes I suppose it is." He breathed out, his fists clenching.

"What else?" Dean asked.

"I don't know. Metatron hasn't told me anything else." Castiel replied, shuddering when Dean's hand slid underneath the t-shirt he was wearing.

His palm laid flat on Cas's stomach, warm and comforting as his fingers stroked his skin softly. Heat pooled low in his stomach and he felt the overwhelming urge to turn over and kiss Dean until they couldn't breathe anymore.

"Nothing? That's weird." Dean said, his mouth moving to Castiel's ear.

Cas clenched his teeth together as tingles erupted on his skin and a shot of warmth traveled through his body to his groin once more.

"Weird?" he questioned, wondering what Dean meant.

"Yeah, I mean… can't you see it, Cas? There's something missing." He murmured in his ear, his breath washing over the nerves and making his skin feel like it was on fire.

"Missing?"

Castiel didn't seem to be able to say more than one word at a time.

"Think about it. We've told you about Sam's trials. What was missing, Cas? What didn't you do that Sam did?" Dean urged him to think about it.

"I don't know." Cas sighed, wanting to lose himself in Dean's touches.

"Concentrate, Cas. What was missing?" Dean almost growled, moving his mouth down to the juncture of Cas's neck and shoulder.

His mouth opened and his teeth skimmed over the skin lightly. Cas almost whimpered.

"I… I don't…"

"Think about it." Dean snapped before his hand began to travel downwards.

"Dean." Cas groaned, throwing his head back as his fingers toyed with the waistband of his boxers.

"Think for me, Cas. What was different?" Dean said softly.

Castiel's eyes flew open once again as it suddenly occurred to him what the trial was missing.

"Oh." He realized.

Cas felt Dean smile against his skin.

"There you go." he praised.

One of his fingers slid beneath the boxers.

"Dean." Cas sighed.

"Go get 'em, Cas." Dean said.

* * *

Castiel's eyes flew open and he stared straight ahead at the ceiling above him. Dean was snoring in the bed beside him with a few inches of space between them. Dean's left hand and Castiel's right one were entwined together as they were when they fell asleep. Cas carefully slid his out and stood. He grabbed a robe, pulling it over Dean's t-shirt and pajama pants he was wearing. When he walked out of the room silently, he headed towards the main room. His eyes scanned the area, afraid that he was going to see Dean's corpses all over the place again. Luckily he made it to the main room without incident and he looked up at the ceiling.

"Metatron." He said simply.

Castiel only had to wait a few moments before the man appeared with a rustle of wings. He turned and stared at the angel.

"You look better, Castiel." Metatron said, his eyes traveling over the fallen angel's figure.

Cas flushed lightly, pulling his robe around his body to hide the embarrassing reaction to his dream.

"I figured it out." he said.

"What?" Metatron asked.

"Something that was bothering me. There was something wrong with the trial you had me partake in. Something… off about it. See Sam informed me in detail all of the trials he had to do. Every single step. I find it mysterious that after fulfilling the objective, he recited an Enochian encantation whereas I had to do nothing of the sort after sacrificing the Nephilim." Castiel said suspiciously.

Metatron stared at him with surprise for a moment.

"Well… your smarts certainly weren't downgraded by Kevin and the Winchesters. You really are more observant than the rest of our family, Castiel. They underestimate you." Metatron pointed out.

"What are you doing, brother?" Cas demanded, his suspicion rising.

The angel sighed, shaking his head as he looked down.

"In this instance, brother, I rather wish you would have been more ignorant. It would have made everything much easier." He said.

"What does that mean?"

Metatron looked up at him.

"It means that I have to take care of you before you get in my way." he said simply before reaching out to grab Castiel's arm.

Before he could protest, their feet left the ground of the bunker. Castiel's body heaved once they landed, threatening to expel everything from his stomach once again. It was rather unpleasant to travel in such a way as a human and Castiel regretted not taking Dean's aversion to it seriously before.

"Where are we? Take me back to the bunker." Castiel demanded, glaring around at the small room they were in.

"Sorry, Castiel. No can do. Don't worry, I'll come back and release you." Metatron said.

In the next moment, he snapped his finger and suddenly Cas's arms were extended above his head and clapped in manacles that hung from the ceiling on chains. His t-shirt and robe were gone, leaving him in the pajama bottoms.

"Metatron!" he exclaimed, horrified by this change of events.

"I'm sorry." The angel repeated, walking around Castiel to his back.

Cas winced when he yanked off the bandages covering his wounds on his back.

"The truth is, I could have healed the wounds if I wanted. I knew that they might come in handy and I was right. I can't have you figuring out a way out of here before I can finish up my spell. So I'm going to need to make sure you are indisposed. Don't worry… this won't hurt a bit."

Another snap of his fingers and Castiel felt the stitches rip out of his skin, letting the wounds slice open again. He yelled out in pain, arching his back.

"Oh… I lied. This will hurt a lot." Metatron said.

Castiel felt a blinding pain in his back and he heard a scream echoing around him for a few moments before it occurred to him that the sound came out of his mouth.

* * *

Dean felt the other side of the bed as soon as he woke up. When he didn't find any warmth on the other side, his eyes flashed open and he saw that it was empty. Once he stretched out and pulled on a robe, he walked out to the main room to see Sam in there looking even worse.

"Where's Cas?" Dean asked, glancing around.

Sam smirked slightly before nodding at a piece of paper that was sitting on the table.

_Dean,_

_Metatron came to me for help. I left to assist him with research and I will be back as quickly as I can. I would have told you I intended on leaving if I did not think that waking you from your slumber would be an unwise decision. I hope that you can forgive me for leaving so quickly once I return soon. _

_Cas_

"Huh. I wonder what Metatron needed help with." Dean said.

"I don't know. But we have more important things to think about, like what we're going to do about Crowley." Sam said.

"Yeah right." Dean sighed, sinking into a chair across from his brother.

They both sat there thinking for a while before Dean suddenly got an idea, leaning forward.

"You said something about accepting Crowley's deal last night." He said.

"Yeah? You nixed the idea pretty fast. For good reason. It was a stupid idea." Sam said simply.

"Well… I'm bringing the idea back. But with a twist." Dean said, looking thrilled that he thought of something.

Sam stared at him strangely.

"Dean… what the hell are you talking about?"

"We're going to trap Crowley."

* * *

Cas could barely lift his head as he hung from the ceiling. His body was pulsing with pain after what Metatron did. Castiel wasn't even certain of exactly what the angel did to him but he knew that it was something bad judging by the blood he could feel sliding down the skin of his back. He panted heavily, one word repeating in his mind over and over again, a prayer of sorts.

_Help._

It was intended for one person but Castiel knew that Dean would never hear it, not the way that Castiel used to hear the hunter's prayers. If he had more strength, Cas might have been able to figure out a way to escape by himself. When he heard the fluttering of wings after what must have been hours of hanging there, Castiel flinched away despite the fact that he didn't know who it was.

"Castiel."

The voice did not belong to Metatron but that didn't make it any better. The fallen angel lifted his head to glare at the newcomer.

"Go away, Naomi." He growled.

Her eyes were wide as she took in his appearance.

"I heard your prayer, Castiel. What happened to you?" she asked, stepping forward.

She was suddenly stopped in place and they both looked down to see that wards were placed in a circle around Castiel to ensure that he could not be reached by an angel.

"I said… go away." Castiel repeated, his strength running out quickly.

His head dropped down again as another wave of pain flashed through his body. Naomi walked around the circle and gasped when she saw the state of his back.

"Oh my… you're… you're fallen, Castiel." She said, horrified.

"Thank you for telling me. I might have never guessed otherwise." Cas snapped back, sarcasm being the only defense he had against the woman who tormented him with her brainwashing.

Naomi walked back around to stand in front of him.

"Did the Winchesters do this to you?" she asked.

Castiel managed to lift his head again only to glare murderously at the gall she had to suggest that the brothers would do such a thing. Naomi seemed to get the message and she moved on immediately.

"Was it… my soldiers spotted you with another angel. Metatron. Was it him?"

Castiel flinched back at the name and understanding dawned in her eyes.

"Where is he, Castiel? Why has he done this to you?" she asked quickly, looking desperate to know the answer.

"You don't want him to shut the gates of heaven down." Castiel choked out, blood dripping out of his mouth as his head lolled around.

"That is not what concerns me, Castiel. Metatron is an unstable angel. That is why he was no longer welcome in heaven. Please, Castiel. He would seek to bring us all down if it brought him any pleasure at all. I must know what he is planning. Is he going to shut heaven away from the world?" she pleaded with him to answer.

Cas stared at her for a moment before shaking his head. He knew that it was stupid to trust Naomi but he was more afraid of what Metatron was doing than what the being before him would do to him.

"I think that he is doing something else. These tasks he spoke of… they are too different. Too brutal." Castiel said.

"Where is he?" Naomi questioned.

"I don't know." He admitted.

"Please, Castiel. If he is planning what I think he might be… we must neutralize him. If you help me, Castiel, I promise you will find a way to restore you. I will welcome you back to heaven with full forgiveness. Truly, I will listen." She promised him.

"You can't even get me out of these chains." Castiel growled.

"I will find a way." Naomi assured him.

He stared at her for a moment.

"He had me kill a Nephilim." he finally said.

Even more horror filled her eyes and he knew that she knew what was going on.

"No… no he can't." she murmured.

"What is it?" he dared to ask, the curiosity managing to overcome the pain.

"He told you he was trying to fix heaven… to shut it away but… Metatron isn't trying to fix anything. He's trying to break it." Naomi said.

"Break it how?" Castiel demanded.

"Expel all angels from heaven, just as God cast out Lucifer." She informed him, looking terrified at the prospect.

"To hell?" he questioned.

Naomi shook her head as she stared at the ground.

"To here… earth. Thousands of us fallen… just like you."

Naomi chanced a look up at him and he saw her eyes shining with emotion that was so unlike an angel.

"Our mission was to protect what God created. I don't know when we forgot that." she murmured.

Castiel simply stared at her, the pain returning as he no longer had a distraction from it. Naomi let her eyes skirt over him once more before she sighed.

"I cannot relieve you of your pain, Castiel. I will bring you someone who can once we find and neutralize Metatron and the threat he poses towards us." She said.

"Naomi…"

She disappeared before he could say another word and Castiel's head dropped down again. The words that she spoke to him rattled around his head as he concentrated on how he would get out of there now.

He didn't have to wait long before he heard the fluttering of wings again.

"I felt the other angel come here. I felt our sibling pushing the boundaries of the wards. What did you tell them, Castiel?" Metatron demanded.

Cas glared at the ground, officially too tired to lift his head.

"Everything." He spat out.

Metatron sighed and sounded frustrated.

"It's no matter. I have completed the second task and retrieved a cupid's bow. Now I only have the third task left. You and your demon buddy Crowley helped me out with that. All I must do is retrieve your grace and purify it with a simply spell and then it'll be ready to toss all of those pathetic angels out of my home." Metatron said happily.

"Purify?" Cas asked, confused.

"Yes. Did I not mention that it was simply a matter of a few Encochian words and a bit of a spell to make your grace right again. You could have tossed it back down your throat and become an angel again if I didn't need it so desperately to finish the spell. Thank you, Castiel. I could not have done any of this without you." Metatron said.

"What are you going to do with me?" Castiel demanded.

"As soon as this is all over, I'll let you go and deliver you to the safest hospital around. Then you'll go off and find a nice family to create. When you die a mortal's death and come back to heaven, you'll tell me all about the story of your human life." Metatron explained, lifting his chin to look him in the eyes. "I just need to go find Dean and get your grace from around his neck. Could you have given me a more complicated place to find the thing? Your underwear drawer would have been much better."

"Stay away from Dean." Cas growled, glaring at him.

"Oh don't worry your boy toy isn't on my hit list. I just need that little ingredient from him and then I'll be on my way." Metatron said as he backed away.

He smiled and waved once before disappearing from the spot.

* * *

Dean was pacing outside of the church when he heard the sound of fluttering for the second time.

"I swear to God if you need human blood for this ritual…" he began, turning around and expecting to see Metatron there once again.

He was sorely disappointed when he saw the wicked witch of the west herself.

"I have some information that can help you, Dean. A lot of information." Naomi said.

Dean stared at her with a confused look, his urge to stab her in the chest not going away as he saw her up close.

"What information?" he asked.

"First of all, I know where Castiel is and I know that you're the only one who can get him out."

"Cas is with Metatron." Dean said, even more confused.

"Yes, he was. But now… when he realized what Metatron tricked him into doing, Metatron has locked him up in a place that has heavy warding against angels. I can't get him out." she said.

"Get him out of where? Metatron was just here!" Dean demanded, concern building in him.

"Castiel is fine for now. What is really important is what is going on in that church." Naomi said, pointing at the building where Sam was working on the Crowley curing.

"What do you mean?" Dean demanded.

"I want nothing more than to see you shut the Gates of Hell, but I told you that you could trust me. If Sam completes those trials, he is going to die." Naomi said.

Dean stared at her with shock for a moment.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he growled.

"We just caught Metatron minutes after he finished talking to you. I saw it in his head. It was always God's intention… the ultimate sacrifice." She said.

Dean watched as she stepped away.

"Wait! What about Cas?" he demanded.

"Save your brother and then I'll take you to Castiel to help him." Naomi said.

Dean watched with horror as she disappeared.

"Dammit!" he growled, turning to run into the church. "Sammy stop!"

* * *

Castiel groaned as he felt himself slipping into the darkness. He tried to keep himself awake for as long as he could but he knew that the blood loss was getting to him. Just before he passed out, he felt a hand on his cheek.

"I wanted to say thank you, brother." Metatron's voice swam in his mind.

Suddenly he was released from the chains and lying on the ground. He let out a cry of pain, his body jolting when the position against hard ground put pressure on his wounds. Metatron's face was swimming above him. He held up the chain with his grace on the end.

"All I had to do was tell Dean that you requested it to finish the trials. He believed me because he thought that you trusted me. Humans are… so naïve… don't you think Castiel?

"Now I just need to throw all of our ingredients into a bowl and we'll be ready to throw all of these fools out of my home." Metatron said, walking to the corner of the room where the Nephilim's heart, the Cupid's bow, and a bowl were waiting.

Castiel groaned, letting his head fall back as he willed his body to move, to stop Metatron from whatever he was going to do.

* * *

**Review please! I am so sorry if this seems jumpy and ridiculous but I am exhausted while writing this. I had a sudden burst of inspiration and I wanted to write it all down before I went to bed. I hope it's not too horrible. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thank you, once again, to everyone who is reading and reviewing. You're all so fantastic and I wish I could hug all of you. Instead I'll just give you another chapter.**

**This should probably (hopefully) give you some relief after the nature of the previous chapter.**

* * *

Dean groaned as he lifted Sam into the car, making sure that he was upright in the seat. His weakened but still living brother opened his eyes and looked at Dean.

"Crowley." He choked out.

"Yeah, what about him?" Dean replied.

"You have to…" Sam cut off, coughing. "… you have to go get him."

Dean stared at him with shock.

"I don't have to do anything for that dick. It's Crowley, Sam." he reminded him.

"He's different. Dean he's not the Crowley we know anymore." Sam sighed.

Dean opened his mouth to argue but somehow, through the pain and tiredness, Sam managed to give him the infamous puppy dog look and Dean didn't have much of a choice.

"Dammit." He growled, pushing away and slamming the door shut. "If he bites me I'm putting him down like a dog." He warned Sam through the open window.

When he walked back into the church and went up to Crowley to undo his chains, the bound man looked at him with surprise.

"I almost thought you would leave me here to rot."

He sounded different. There was something other than malice and taunting in his voice and Dean didn't really know how to react.

"Samantha wouldn't let me." Dean fired back.

"Ah Sam. Ever the weeping heart." Crowley sighed, leaning his head back.

"Oh please don't start reciting any poetry about my brother. Come on."

Dean yanked Crowley up with the manacles still around his wrists.

"I assure you these aren't necessary anymore." Crowley said, lifting his hands to show the cuffs.

The hunter simply scoffed and shook his head as he led the demon... former demon… out of the church. He pushed him into the backseat and threatened him with pain if he did anything to the upholstery. When he slid into the driver's seat, he looked over at Sam.

"You happy now?" he demanded, regretting how angry his voice sounded.

Sam knew that it was because they had no idea where Cas was and that they knew Metatron, the surprise bad guy, had the former angel in his possession.

"Thanks, Dean." Sam said simply instead of fighting back against his brother's harsh words.

"You're such a freaking girl." Dean said, rolling his eyes as he sped away from the church.

* * *

Castiel let out a groan of pain as he tried to move around. His body screamed with agony but he still managed to get it to move, flipping over onto his stomach and shakily raising himself to his hands and knees. Metatron was kneeling on the ground, bent over the bowl in concentration. He wasn't paying any attention to Castiel, probably thinking that he was down for the count. Cas was intent on proving him wrong. He took a deep breath and, before Metatron could react, he threw himself at the angel. Before they even hit the dirt on the ground, Metatron was up and slamming Castiel against the wall. He let out a cry of pain as the rocks dug into his open wounds.

"You just don't give up." Metatron said, his eyes narrowed.

He almost sounded awestruck by Castiel's stubbornness.

"I won't give up. Not until you're in ashes." Cas growled back, fighting weakly against his iron hold.

Metatron laughed.

"Castiel you're not even strong by human standards. You can barely hold yourself up so how do you think you're going to stop me?" he asked.

Cas sank his fingernails into the skin of Metatron's arm and scratched deeply, drawing blood and making the angel loosen his grip out of surprise more than pain. He took his chance and tackled the angel to the ground, shoving his hand into his jacket. Metatron flipped them over but Castiel had a good grip on his clothes so he couldn't move away. Clumsy Enochian began falling from Castiel's lips, sounding slow and gibberish-like on his human tongue.

"What are you doing?" Metatron demanded, glaring down at him.

Castiel glared back defiantly, continuing on his Enochian incantation.

"Stop that!" the angel commanded, yanking Cas up by his arm and throwing him back against the wall.

Castiel slid down it and winced, refusing to let the howl of pain out that threatened to bubble up from his chest. Metatron stalked towards him.

"I wanted to let you live, Castiel. I wanted you to live a full human life and return to heaven by my side one day. Now I see that I underestimated your starving want for death. I won't disappoint you. In fact, I'll even hop over to those Winchester brothers and give them a little taste of death so that they can join you in the afterlife."

Castiel glared at him, fury building in his chest and making the remaining blood in his body boil angrily. Metatron stalked forward, lifting him up and shoving him backwards with his forearm pressing across Castiel's throat.

The former angel gasped and sputtered, trying to say something.

"What was that?" Metatron demanded, loosening his grip a little bit.

"I have your blade." Cas hissed out before slamming it into Metatron's stomach.

* * *

They screeched up to the bunker, Dean jumping out and running to the door to slam it open. Kevin jumped from where he was sitting at the table and eating a sandwich.

"I need your help." He said.

Kevin leaped up and followed him out.

"You can either take gigantor or Crowley." Dean said, giving the prophet a choice.

"Crowley is still alive?" Kevin demanded.

"Crowley isn't Crowley anymore… apparently." Dean sighed.

"You get Sam." Kevin said, moving to open the backseat.

He glared down at Crowley as the former demon looked up at him with emotional eyes.

"Kevin. Yes this is good. I have to make amends and you're a good place to start." Crowley said, looking relieved.

"I don't want to hear it." he snapped, dragging Crowley out by the manacles on his wrist.

Dean helped Sam out and they climbed down the stairs and into the bunker with Kevin and Crowley following.

"Get him in a chair." Dean commanded Kevin before helping Sam back to his bedroom.

As he stripped his clothes off and replaced them with clean ones, Sam watched without argument.

"Dean." He finally said, grasping his brother's arm once he was under the blankets.

His brother looked up at him with a questioning look.

"You have to go find Cas."

Dean sighed, not wanting to think about what Cas could be going through.

"Sam, I don't even know where he is. Until I get word, I'm going to take care of you, all right? Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired?" he asked.

"All three. But I think I want sleep right now." Sam sighed.

"Okay good, sleep is good. Just let me know if you need anything, all right? I'll be right out in the main room." Dean informed him.

Sam nodded, wincing as he burrowed down into the bed.

"Dean?" he said before his brother walked out.

"Hmm?"

"Try not to kill Crowley, okay?"

All he got was an answering grunt before the light switched off and the door closed.

* * *

Castiel staggered weakly as Metatron collapsed to his knees, astonishment written all over his face. Cas kept as tight a grip as he could on the silver blade in his hand as he glared down at the angel.

"I will never let you touch the Winchesters." He snapped.

Metatron looked up at him, his eyes slightly glazed over as grace shone out of his wound.

"Out of everything… all that I was going to do… you were most bothered by the idea of me killing the Winchesters? You are a most peculiar creature, my brother." he breathed.

"I am not your brother and you are certainly not my family." Castiel growled, pushing himself up and moving forward.

He fisted Metatron's hair and yanked his head back, using all of his remaining strength to show the angel that he was not weak.

"You were right before. The Winchesters are my family and I will do everything within my power to protect my family." He promised.

His arm drew back and Metatron gave him a pleading look.

"Please, Castiel. I'll heal you. I'll give you back your grace and I'll ensure that you are allowed back in heaven." Metatron begged.

Cas considered his words for a moment before his eyes narrowed dangerously again.

"I don't need your help." He said before driving the blade into Metatron's heart.

The angel screamed loudly as he fell backwards. Cas dropped the angel blade and covered his eyes as the blinding white light filled the room. When it faded, the wings were imprinted on the ground and the walls of the small room. Cas stumbled but kept himself upright as he moved over to the bowl with the spell ingredients all around it. He found the chain with his grace and picked it up, peering at it to see that it was, in fact, brighter and healthy looking.

Castiel was tempted to reinstate his grace at that very moment but he chose to wait instead, slipping it around his neck with difficulty before turning to the door to the room. Praying that it would not be locked, he tripped his way over to it and let out a grateful noise when it slid open easily. There were stairs before him and Castiel clutched at the wooden banister as he ascended them. Once he came to the top, he realized exactly where he was. They had been underneath a crypt in a cemetery. Castiel pushed his way out of the crypt and into the night, inhaling the cool air and shivering as it hit his bare skin.

He fought against the urge to collapse to the ground in pain and instead pushed himself further to find a way to contact Dean. He saw lights outside of the cemetery and moved towards them, knowing that it was a road with cars speeding past. When he was outside of the gates, he found himself on a sidewalk. Cars sped past him and he could no longer hold himself up. He collapsed to his knees and hunched over in pain, tears of anguish stinging his eyes and falling down his cheeks. Finally, after a few minutes, a car screeched to a stop and he heard the sound of a door opening and closing.

"Oh my God! Are you all right?" a woman's voice asked shrilly.

He looked up to see a concerned middle-aged woman hovering over him, looking at the blood and wounds with horror.

"I need a phone." He managed to speak.

"I'll take you to a hospital." She said, bending over to help him up.

"No, I need a phone. Dean will come get me. Please let me use your phone." Cas refused.

"But your back…" she began, her eyes sliding to the wounds once more.

"Please." He sighed.

The woman stared at him for another moment before nodding. She turned back to her car and rifled through her purse for a moment before coming up with her phone. She handed it to him and he took it with trembling fingers.

"Who did that to you?" the woman asked, knowing that the wounds couldn't be self-inflicted.

"An animal." Castiel said simply, knowing that the truth couldn't be spoken.

He clumsily typed in Dean's number that he knew from memory, praying that the man would be able to answer.

* * *

Dean was pacing anxiously in the main room, aware of Kevin and Crowley's eyes on him. Kevin was holding a gun and, every once in a while, he would glare at Crowley in such a way that Dean and the former demon both knew that he was contemplating shooting Crowley.

"Do you think we can summon him? Or Metatron?" Kevin wondered.

"Cas isn't an angel anymore so he can't be summoned. Summoning Metatron would go badly for us all." Dean answered.

"Castiel isn't an angel anymore?" Crowley questioned, sounding aghast.

Dean shot him a glare and Crowley quieted once again.

"What about that Naomi woman?" Kevin suggested.

"Don't trust her." Dean replied.

"Good, she isn't to be trusted." Crowley agreed.

Dean sighed and sat in a chair, bending over and burying his face in his hands. Before anyone could say another word, the sound of _Smoke on the Water_ filled the room. Dean scrambled for his phone and saw the unknown number on the screen. With a frown, he pressed talk and lifted it to his ear.

"Hello?" he asked hesitantly.

"Dean."

The voice on the other end sounded relieved and broken down at the same time.

"Cas!" Dean leaped out of his chair and began pacing again.

"Dean, I need… I need you. I need your help." Cas said, sounding like he was having a hard time forming the words.

"Where are you, Cas? Where is Metatron?" Dean demanded.

"I'm at a cemetery in Lebanon. Saint Elizabeth Cemetery. Metatron is dead." Castiel said.

"I'll be right there, Cas. Just stay there." Dean said, grabbing his keys and heading for the door.

"Dean." Cas said and he sounded like he was going to cry.

"I'll be there, Cas. I promise." Dean assured him before hanging up the phone.

"What am I supposed to do?" Kevin asked as he reached the door.

The hunter glanced back at them.

"Keep an eye on Crowley, try not to shoot him. If Sam wakes up tell him where I went. I should be back soon." Dean answered before hauling ass out of the bunker.

* * *

The woman insisted on remaining with Castiel even though he assured her that he would be fine until Dean arrived. Not even ten minutes after the phone call, he heard the loud roar of the Impala down the street. He scrambled around weakly, trying to stand up so that he could be in the safety of Dean's car as soon as possible.

"Hey, slow down. It's all right I'm sure it's just a passing motorist." The woman said, mistaking his desperation to get to Dean for fear over the loud sound of the Impala.

The lights washed over him and he could barely make out Dean's face in the windshield before the car slammed to a stop and Dean jumped out without even turning it off.

"Cas?" he bolted towards him and stuttered to a stop, looking over him with anger and concern. "What the hell?"

"I'll explain later, Dean." Cas sighed, moving forward away from the woman and towards Dean.

The female did not seem so eager to let him go, her eyes scanning Dean and his car critically.

"Are you sure you're okay with him?" she asked.

Dean's eyes slid past Castiel and to the woman.

"He's safe with me." he growled possessively, wrapping a hand gently around Cas's wrist and pulling him closer.

"He needs a hospital." The woman said, still suspicious but also a little convinced by Dean's protectiveness over Cas.

"Hospital?" Dean said.

The woman's eyes flickered to Castiel's back. The former angel sighed with annoyance as Dean turned him around slowly. His sharp intake of breath was enough for Castiel to know that he was furious.

"I'm going to kill that feathery bastard." Dean spat out quietly.

"No need." Castiel assured him over his shoulder. "I already did."

Dean looked surprised and the woman looked confused, as she didn't hear Dean's words.

"Come on." he began pulling Cas towards the Impala.

"Are you sure…"

"We're fine." Castiel cut her off, nodding gratefully before Dean helped him into the Impala, running to the back to grab a blanket.

He set it over Cas's shoulders and leaned in, inches away from Castiel's face.

"I really should take you to the hospital." He said, looking at the bruises forming on Cas's neck from where Metatron choked him.

"No, Dean I just want to go home." Castiel said pleadingly, his eyes wide and imploring.

Dean sighed and lowered his head for a moment before picking it up again to look into the former angel's eyes.

"All right. But you're letting me doctor you up and feed you without any complaint, you hear?" he asked.

Cas nodded, looking relieved. Dean reached out hesitantly and touched Cas's cheek, watching as his eyes fluttered closed for a moment.

"You scared the hell out of me." the hunter admitted.

"I'm sorry." Castiel said quietly, sounding truly ashamed.

Dean leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Cas's lips, not wanting to hurt him even more.

"Just don't leave again… ever. Okay?" Dean said.

Cas nodded again, leaning his head over into Dean's hand to find comfort in his touch.

"I won't leave you ever again, Dean." He agreed.

Dean sighed with relief and kissed the side of Castiel's head before moving away and shutting the door.

* * *

**Review please!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thank you so very much to everyone who is reading!**

**Thanks to SuperAwesomePandaKitty, barjy02, VampirePrinssess, Isa-Just-Me, theconsultingtardisbananaangel, k-mamma, gypsydancer529, Sinthija, c0lorless r0ses, Rageful Jewel, .169, FireChildSlytherin5, Cold North, stefanswifey01, SqueakyNarwhal, JessMust7, turtle76, and the guest for reviewing!**

* * *

It came as no surprise to Dean when Castiel passed out in the passenger seat. It still terrified him though. Cas slumped against the door and looked like he was barely breathing. If Dean had to guess, the former angel lost a lot of blood with whatever Metatron did to him. When they screeched up to the bunker, he leapt out of the car and ran around, catching Cas before he could fall out of the car and onto the ground. After trying and failing to shake him awake, Dean sighed and put his hand on Cas's cheek, regret filling him for what was about to happen. He put his lips to the other man's forehead and inhaled sharply.

"I'm sorry, Cas." Dean murmured.

His arms slid underneath him, one going to his back and the other underneath his knees. He lifted Cas slowly with his knees straightening out. Cas let out a whimper as Dean's arm slid up his back a few inches towards his wounds. He winced and tried to walk as slowly as he could. When he got to the door, he kicked it a few times with difficulty. Because of this, Castiel slipped a little in his arms and his arms moved dangerously closer to the lacerations on his back. Dean held his breath, praying that he wouldn't hurt Cas more before the door opened to reveal Kevin standing there holding a gun.

"Is he…?"

"He's not okay." Dean interrupted him, stepping down into the batcave.

Unfortunately, this motion jarred them both and Cas finally slumped down all the way, causing the blanket to ride up and his wounds to come in direct contact with Dean's rough jacket. Cas's eyes flew open and he involuntarily let out a howl of pain, his limbs lashing out in Dean's arms.

"Cas, hey…" Dean struggled to keep him still.

The former angel wasn't listening, arching his back to try to get away from Dean's arm but only causing himself more pain. Tears began streaking down his dirt-covered face as he sobbed. Dean gave up after trying to walk further into the bunker. He fell to his knees and pulled his arm away, grimacing at the blood covering his sleeve. He pulled Castiel in, avoiding his back altogether, and pressed Cas's face into his chest. The distressed, inconsolable man continued to struggle, the pain taking over his mind and making his desperate. Dean put his lips at Cas's ear and stroked his dirty hair unconsciously.

He began murmuring reassurances in the fallen angel's ear, telling him that he was sorry for hurting him and that they would fix him up. He told him that Metatron and Naomi wouldn't ever hurt him again and that even Crowley was no longer a threat. He whispered that he wasn't going to leave his side and that they would stop the pain as soon as they could. Castiel's struggles finally slowed down before ceasing completely. His hands were gripping Dean's arms as tightly as he could but he was incredibly weakened from his blood loss. Dean felt that his shirt was soaked through with blood and tears but he didn't care.

"Dean." He finally spoke, his voice hoarse and devastated.

"Cas." Dean replied simply, not knowing what else to say.

"It hurts. It hurts very badly." He whimpered.

"I know, Cas. I'm sorry I wish I could fix it now but all we can do is clean it up. Will you let us clean it up and then maybe it won't hurt as bad?" Dean said.

Cas nodded with difficulty, refusing to move his head from where it was buried in Dean's chest. Dean heard a noise and looked up to see Kevin pointing the gun past them. His head whipped around to see Crowley approaching them, the manacles still on and his hands raised in surrender.

"I can help." The former demon claimed.

Castiel flinched at his voice and pulled himself closer to Dean, who glared up at Crowley.

"Back off." he growled.

"I'm not trying to hurt your angel…" Crowley began.

"Former angel… thanks to you." Dean snapped, fury rising in him.

"I know. I did something… many things… terrible things to him." he agreed. "I only want to fix what I can. I told you that my mother was a witch and as such I know many different remedies. I can try to help if you let me."

Dean stared at him suspiciously and subconsciously clutched Castiel closer.

"Like hell I'll let you anywhere near him." he spat out.

Crowley sighed, looking beaten down by Dean's words.

"Dean…"

He looked past the former demon and his eyes widened when he saw his brother. Sam's skin was much less sallow and his eyes looked brighter than they had been in months.

"Sam… you look…"

"I feel better." He breathed, smiling slightly.

Then his eyes went to Castiel who was curled into Dean's arms and he looked concerned.

"Dean I know you don't trust Crowley but trust me, okay? We can watch over him and all that but I think that he really wants to help Cas. We can even keep the cuffs on him if you want but Cas needs a little magical help right now whether you like it or not." Sam tried to convince his brother.

Dean's eyes darted between them with trepidation.

"If you hurt him further or kill him, I'll end you slowly and with a lot of pain. We have a dungeon now." Dean said, pointing at Crowley.

"Understood." Crowley nodded, looking relieved that Dean believed him.

"What do you need?" Sam asked, knowing that ingredients would probably be needed for whatever he was going to do.

The former demon began listing off stuff as they began walking towards the room that stored all of the Men of Letters' witchy stuff.

Dean looked down at where Cas was cowering into him.

"Cas?" he said.

He let out a simple mumbling noise in response.

"Hey, we have to get you off the floor, can you stand or do you need me to carry you?" Dean asked.

Cas whimpered and clutched himself even closer to Dean, convincing Dean that the former angel was most likely delirious with his blood loss and exhaustion.

"All right, I have a better idea. But you're gonna have to let me go."

There was a moment of hesitation before Cas finally released him and let Dean shift around. He squatted down and balanced himself.

"Put your arms around my neck… don't choke me." Dean told him.

Cas did as he said, looping them around his neck gently and loosely. Dean pulled his legs around his waist and stood up with difficulty.

"Don't let go, Cas." He warned him before walking slowly out of the room.

Kevin followed them as they went to the back bedroom. Dean lowered him onto the bed and Cas swayed on the spot, still holding onto him tightly. Dean sighed and pressed their foreheads together.

"It'll be okay, Cas. I promise." He assured the former angel.

"I just want to lay down, Dean." Cas sighed.

"You will, Cas. You will as soon as we clean you up." Dean promised.

He looked pleadingly at Dean with his watery blue eyes.

"Will you stay with me?" Castiel asked, his voice shaking slightly.

Dean nodded without hesitation.

"Yeah, Cas. I'll stay with you." he said.

The former angel looked visibly relieved and Dean used this momentary relief to convince him to lie on his stomach. Dean removed the blanket and let it fall on the ground.

"Oh God." Kevin murmured quietly when he saw Cas's ravaged back.

Dean shot him a look and gestured for the door. The prophet backed out willingly, leaving them alone. Dean walked into the bathroom and took a rag, wetting it with warm water and wringing it out before walking back in.

"This might hurt, Cas. Just try to stay still and I'll do it as fast as I can. I have to clean out the dirt and stuff." Dean said, hovering over him.

He simply nodded against the pillow. Dean sighed heavily before slowly wiping off the dirt and blood around the wounds. Castiel was tense, his hands fisted in the blankets as Dean cleaned him off. He walked back into the bathroom and got a new cloth, wetting it down and returning. Now he had to clean out the wounds. Dean knew enough to know that, despite the fact that Cas agreed to stay still, that he wouldn't be able to keep himself clean once the cloth touched his open wounds, that he would most likely jerk up at the pain.

"Cas… I'm gonna, uh…" he maneuvered himself onto the bed and sighed, putting his hand on his back. "I have to make sure you don't move. I have to hold you down."

"Do what you have to, Dean." Cas sighed.

Dean hesitated again before climbing over Cas, hovering over him and planting his hand into the middle of his back.

"I'm sorry." He murmured before lightly grazing the cloth over the wound.

Castiel hissed in pain and turned his head, burying it into the pillows. Dean took a deep breath before delving further in, knowing he had to get the dirt out. Cas cried out into the pillows and his body flailed out involuntarily. Dean flinched but continued. His movements got more and more violent to where Dean eventually had to sit on his legs, pressing his hand down harder and limiting his movements as much as he could. Luckily, Cas was weakened by the blood loss so he couldn't throw Dean off. He hurried through cleaning, wanting to get it done as fast as he could.

Each shout of pain and sob of anguish felt like a blade to Dean's heart. Castiel eventually began to babble out pleas for Dean to stop, tears streaming down his face as he tried with all of his being to escape from Dean's hold. When he was done, Dean scrambled off of him and threw the cloth off, relieved that the wounds looked much better. Cas laid there for a moment with his face screwed up in agony. He reached out and hesitantly brushed his hand through Cas's dark hair.

"It's over, Cas. I'm done and I won't have to do that again. I'm sorry." Dean murmured, feeling terrible over causing the former angel pain.

Cas's eyes opened and he looked at Dean with a languished expression. In the next moment, he was pushing himself up with difficulty. Dean tried to argue and push him back down but Cas threw himself at Dean, scrambling to get into his arms and practically sitting on his lap as Dean sat back on his heels. His face buried in Dean's shirt once again and his hands clutched at it. It took Dean a moment to realize that the soft murmurs he was hearing from Castiel wasn't crying, but rather reassurances that the pain was not Dean's fault. He sighed heavily and held Cas close to him.

* * *

When Sam and Crowley came in, their arms were laden with stuff for whatever witchy thing that Crowley was going to do. Castiel looked over at them fearfully, his eyes trained on Crowley as if he expected the former demon to revert back and attack him.

"What exactly is this you're doing?" Dean asked as he watched Sam working with Crowley at the desk.

"It's a healing mixture."

At Dean's skeptical look, Crowley sighed.

"Not all magic is bad. Some of it is quite good and will heal Castiel. He has to drink something first and then I will apply a homemade salve to the wounds."

"I looked it up in the books, Dean. It's legitimate." Sam assured him.

"Will it heal them?" Dean asked, still not trusting of Crowley.

"Not exactly. It will speed up the process and take away quite a bit of the pain. Though I don't know why I'm bothering with this when your angel has a perfectly good grace wrapped around his neck." Crowley pointed out.

Dean's head snapped to Cas's neck in shock as the fallen angel's hand closed around the pendent.

"Cas?" Dean said.

"Metatron had it. He intended to use it for the spell to kick all of the angels out of heaven. He claimed that he purified it with a spell but I am skeptical as to the truthfulness of the statement." Cas admitted, looking down.

"But if he did… you can become an angel again? You won't be stuck all human?" Dean asked.

Castiel looked up at him, his blue eyes widened and his mouth slightly open for a moment.

"Would you wish me to be an angel again?" he asked.

Dean shrugged.

"I know you're miserable as a human. If it can help you…"

Castiel shook his head.

"We should do more research just in case there is a threat." He said.

"That's a good idea." Sam said when Dean opened his mouth to protest. "I'm sure it'll all pan out and you can be an angel again."

Cas had the same weird look on his face like the brothers were talking about something insane.

"I do not wish to think about it now with all that is going on." he said, hoping it would end the conversation.

About fifteen minutes later, Sam and Dean were standing back watching as Crowley hovered over Cas's back and murmured something as he gently applied the salve. Cas had his mouth clenched closed as he tried not to cry out again. Dean finally couldn't watch his face screwed up in pain anymore. It felt like it was causing even Dean physical pain. Sam tried to stop him from walking to the bed but Dean shook him off. Cas's eyes popped open when he knelt beside it and began threading his fingers through his dirty hair.

"If you're not gonna pop that mojo back in you, you gotta think about where you want your anti-possession tattoo." He reminded the fallen angel to try to distract him.

Cas swallowed hard and nodded slightly.

"Would it be strange if I were to follow your and Sam's lead?" he asked.

"You can get it wherever you want, Cas." Dean reminded him.

"Perhaps I want it on my ribs. I will think about it." Cas said solemnly.

"We'll have to go shopping for you too. You can get some of your own clothes." Dean said.

Cas's brow furrowed at his words.

"I like your clothes." He argued.

Dean laughed slightly, putting his hand on Cas's cheek.

"You can't always wear mine, Cas. They're too big on you and it'll be good for you to have some of your own to hang in that empty closet of yours." He said.

Castiel didn't look like he liked that idea but he didn't voice his displeasure.

"I would like to clean the suit and the overcoat. They are all that remain of Jimmy and… I don't want to throw them out." he said hesitantly.

Dean forgot that Cas probably formed a bond with Jimmy Novak considering that they shared a vessel.

"Of course." He agreed.

Castiel looked relieved but he tensed up when Crowley moved onto the other wound. Dean hurried to distract him again.

"If you stick around here, we'll have to teach you a thing or two about culture. You'll have to watch just a whole bunch of movies. You'll probably get tired of them… and me." Dean informed him.

"I could never tire of you." Cas refused, looking panicked by the mere thought of Dean believing that could happen.

"Wait until he makes you watch _Raiders_ for the fiftieth time." Sam grumbled.

Dean's face broke out in a grin and he let out a deep laugh, pleased that his brother was cracking jokes.

"We'll have to get you well and truly educated in music too." Dean said, gesturing to his record machine.

"I will do whatever you want, Dean." Cas said, sounding like he'd like nothing more.

"And pie. We'll learn how to make pie and a bunch of other stuff."

Cas's eyes lit up a little bit at the thought and Dean knew that he did good. The fallen angel was, apparently, fascinated with the idea of cooking and baking.

"I would love to make a pie for you." Castiel admitted.

Crowley let out a cough, shaking his head.

"You two are almost sickening." He said.

Dean glared at him.

"There's the Crowley I know and hate." He snapped.

"Not my fault anyone can see your love for your angel from space, Winchester." Crowley fired back, smirking slightly as he finished applying the salve.

Dean flushed pink as Cas sighed with relief that it was over. Sam hid a smile behind his hand as Dean shooed Crowley away from the bed. They watched as he gently applied two large bandages to the wounds.

"Come on." Sam said, pulling Crowley towards the door.

"Hey… give him a room." Dean said, barely glancing over his shoulder. "And here…"

He took the key to the manacles out of his pocket and tossed it to Sam.

"Thanks, Dean." Sam said, beaming as he lead Crowley out to another empty room.

It took several moments for Dean to realize what he just did.

"Dammit." He groaned.

"Dean?" Cas asked with concern, moving to sit up.

Dean kept him down as he rubbed his forehead.

"I let Sam give Crowley the last furnished room. There aren't anymore with beds. Kevin won't have a place to sleep." He sighed.

"Well you could…" Castiel trailed off.

"Hmm?" Dean said, bending down to look at him.

Pink was tinging Cas's cheeks and he looked slightly flustered.

"You could give Kevin my room since all of the mess is cleaned up. I could… remain here tonight. Or I can go sleep on the chairs in the main room. I do not want the prophet to have to remain awake for the sake of me having a bed." Cas ranted.

Dean sighed and put a finger on his lips.

"We'll do that, Cas." He said, unable to believe that he hadn't already thought of it.

It made perfect sense because Dean hadn't intended on letting Cas leave the bed anyways.

"I'll go tell Kevin." Dean said, moving to stand.

"Dean." Cas caught his hand and tugged him back down.

He sat up with difficulty and slowly stood, sighing heavily.

"You shouldn't." Dean protested, steadying him.

"I'm fine. I wanted to… can I get new pants?" Cas asked, looked down at his tattered and dirty pants.

"Of course." Dean agreed, grabbing a pair of pajama pants out of his dresser and handing them to Cas.

"Thank you." he said gratefully, looking up at Dean with relieved eyes. "For everything."

"You're the one who saved the world tonight… or heaven… I guess. I should thank you." Dean shrugged.

Cas didn't answer, pushing himself up and pressing his cracked lips to Dean's mouth. Dean responded, threading his hand through Cas's hair and gently kissing him back, nipping at his lip but not moving any further. Cas mimicked him, learning from Dean. His tongue dared to dart out and trace Dean's lower lip before he pulled away and saw Dean's darkened eyes blinking at him.

"You should go tell Kevin. I will see you in a moment." He said.

Dean looked dazed for a moment. Castiel nodded at him and Dean finally snapped out of it, grinning lazily at Cas and turning to stride out of the room. Cas sighed and walked into the bathroom. He slid off his pants and boxers, cleaning his legs up with a clean cloth before looking down at the pajama pants. It occurred to him that Dean didn't give him fresh briefs but he didn't want to bother the hunter by asking for them. Instead he just slid the pajama pants on and hoped that he was not doing anything wrong by wearing them alone.

He gingerly moved around, washing his face clean and rinsing out his mouth. When he turned to walk out of the bathroom, he knew that there was someone else in the other room before he walked back in. He expected it to be Dean so when he saw who it really was, he stopped short with a stunned expression. The being turned to face him, looking at Cas with wonder at his changed appearance.

"Hello Castiel." He said.

"Inias." Cas breathed, shocked. "I thought you were dead… the Leviathan..."

"I was hiding in heaven. We all were. We were… terrified." Inias admitted.

"I am rather pleased to see you alive, brother." Castiel informed him, stepping forward.

"We know what you did, Castiel. Naomi got the word out before… before Metatron killed her. You saved us all." Inias said, his smile warm.

"I was mostly fighting for my own life." Cas admitted shamefully.

"You were fighting for everyone, brother. We all owe you our gratitude." Inias assured him.

"Is that why you've come?" Cas asked.

Inias glanced down the pendent hanging from his neck before looking back at Castiel's face.

"No, brother. I came to offer you something." He said.

"Offer?" Cas said, confused.

"I see your grace there. It is in perfect shape and yet you have not restored it despite your injuries. I came to offer you a place back in heaven again. We want to welcome you back, Castiel, with open arms. But that's not all. You will be put in charge of the garrison again. It will be just as it was before." Inias said, sounding exhilarated by the thought. "Come home, Castiel. We can all be together again."

* * *

**Review please! Next chapter we get to see Cas's decision.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thank you so very much to everyone who is reading!**

**Thanks to SuperAwesomePandaKitty, barjy02, Cold North, gypsydancer529, JessMust7, k-mamma, stefanswifey01, The Mysterious Shadow, Phoenix Autumn, Kat A. Klysmic, VampirePrinssess, Sinthija, c0lorless r0ses, and Isa-Just-Me for reviewing!**

* * *

Castiel was shocked. He had no idea what to say. His brother stood in front of him expectantly, obviously waiting for him to answer.

"Inias… I…"

Dean came walking back in at that moment and his eyes widened when he saw that Castiel wasn't alone. He didn't say a word, didn't hesitate before putting himself between Cas and the angel.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he growled, vaguely recognizing the face of Inias's vessel.

"Hello Dean Winchester. I am here to speak to Castiel." Inias said calmly, as peaceful as ever.

His eyes slid past Dean to Cas and their eyes met.

"I will let you have time alone to think about it. Pray for me when you decide. The other angels do want to know." His brother said.

"Of course." he nodded, still taken off guard by the offer in the first place.

"It is good to see you, brother."

Inias smiled at Castiel warmly before disappearing. Dean turned to Cas with questioning eyes.

"What was that about?" he demanded.

"Inias came to me… with an offer." Cas sighed, reaching out to clutch at Dean automatically.

Dean allowed him to without question, steering him to the bed.

"What offer?" he asked as they sat on the bed.

"The angels… they want me back. They are willing to welcome me back because I stopped Metatron." He said quietly, looking down at the bedspread underneath them.

Dean didn't say anything and the silence made Castiel flinch as he wondered what the hunter could be thinking. He didn't look up, his hands twisting in Dean's jacket. When he pulled away and stood, Cas regretted telling Dean about the offer before he had time to process it so that he would have something to say to reassure Dean. He heard rustling and his eyes lifted to see Dean pulling off his jacket and overshirt.

"What are you going to do?" he asked as he pulled out a t-shirt.

"I do not know. Inias gave me time to think. I… I need to think." Cas admitted.

Dean nodded and moved into the bathroom without another word. When he came out several minutes later, Castiel was still sitting there staring after him. Dean was wearing the t-shirt and boxers with his jeans crumpled up in his hands. He tossed them in the corner.

"Let's get some sleep, Cas. We need it." he sighed, pulling the blankets back.

"Dean…" Castiel began, knowing that the hunter was avoiding talking about the offer.

"Seriously, Cas. It's been a long week. Hell it's been a long year. Come on, just… let's sleep and tomorrow we'll figure everything out, okay?" he said.

Cas stared at him with sad and confused eyes before nodding slowly and moving so that Dean could pull the sheets the rest of the way back.

"How are you feeling?" Dean asked, nodding to his bandaged wounds.

"The pain is… manageable." Castiel said simply.

The hunter's eyes narrowed at him.

"Don't lie to me, Cas."

The fallen angel almost recoiled at the slight hint of anger in Dean's voice.

"I'm not." He said softly. "I can manage the pain, no matter how much it hurts. Because I can see you and your brother with all of the pain that you've experienced and lived through. I look at you two and I find the strength to push through it because to do otherwise would be insulting to you both after all that you've been forced to deal with."

Dean stared at Cas with surprise.

"You don't have to bury your pain just because we've been through stuff, Cas. It doesn't work like that." he informed the angel.

"I'm not burying it, Dean. I'm using you… and Sam… as a way to push past it. If I can see the strength that you two possess… have always possessed… I believe that it will give me the strength to push past this. You are my…"

Castiel paused, frowning as he searched for the right word. His forehead creased and a line appeared between his eyebrows as he concentrated. Dean simply watched, his eyes skirting over Cas's face.

"Role models." The fallen angel realized, nodding triumphantly as he finally said the word.

Dean let out a cross between a scoff and a laugh.

"We are hardly the right people to call role models, Cas." He said derisively.

"I disagree, Dean." He said simply.

They stared at each other, each with a stubborn set of their jaw, for several moments. Dean sighed and shook his head, finally breaking the contact.

"Whatever, Cas. I guess I can't stop you." he sighed, reaching out to switch off the lamp.

Cas slid in between the blankets and the mattress, sliding down to lie on his back. He hissed in pain as the wounds rubbed against the bandage. Dean immediately recognized the sound and reaching out automatically.

"Come on, Cas."

He helped the former angel turn over slowly and, before Cas could pull away to bury his face in the pillow, Dean pulled his chest against his body and wrapped his arms around his torso. Cas's hand went to his torso and laid right over his heart. As he did so, Metatron's words echoed through his head.

_I'll hop over to those Winchester brothers and give them a little taste of death so that they can join you in the afterlife._

Cas couldn't help but allow a smile to break out over his face as he felt the steady thump of Dean's heart. The other man felt the movement and knew what it was.

"What are you smiling about?" he asked.

"You're alive." Cas said simply, sounding triumphant as if that was his reward.

Dean shook his head, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

"You're weird." He said simply.

Castiel's smile grew at his words. Dean was alive and that was all he needed to know. That was all he needed to get through the pain. He was alive.

Alive, not dead.

* * *

Castiel's eyes fluttered open and he found himself staring at the ceiling of Dean's room. He marveled over the lack of pain in his back for a moment before he realized instantly that he was dreaming again. It was a fascinating thing, the human dream and the way it felt so different from reality.

"You know, you're gonna ruin all the fun of dreams if you keep guessing that you're in them."

Cas's eyes flickered to the side and he saw Dean lying there with his elbow propped up and his head in his hand.

"I suppose I don't make a very good human." He admitted.

"Debatable." Dean shrugged, smirking slightly.

"Perhaps that is a reason that I should go back to the angels. I am more one of them than I am one of you."

The other man scoffed, reaching out to touch Cas's skin over his heart.

"You and I both know that's not really true." He said.

_You're the famous spanner in the works. Honestly, I think you came off the line with a crack in your chassis. You have never done what you were told. Not completely. _

Cas rolled Naomi's words over in his head as he stared at the ceiling once again.

"If I'm not a good human and I'm not a good angel… where do I belong?" he wondered.

Dean moved forward, putting his hand on Cas's cheek and turning his head towards him.

"That's for you to decide."

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Cas's gently, his tongue snaking out to trace his lips before he pulled away.

"Free will?" Castiel breathed.

"Yeah, Cas. Free will." Dean nodded.

"I cannot live the rest of my life with my loyalties divided, Dean. I have lived too long in such a manner and I will be driven to the brink again if I have to do it any longer." he said.

"So you have to cut off one of the branches from your life. You have to decide which family you'd rather stay with. Humans or angels. Team Free Will or Team Dicks with Wings." Dean agreed.

His hand moved down from Cas's cheek, traveling over his neck and chest to his stomach where it splayed out. Castiel sighed at the contact and let his head fall back against the pillows.

"I told you that I would stay." He acknowledged.

"Yep, you did."

"You told me that you would help me realize that being human wasn't bad. You said that you would be my light." Cas reminded Dean.

"I meant it." the hunter said honestly.

"What if I fail? What if, even with your guidance, I fail at being human? What if I mess up and get you and Sam killed? I am not made to be human and I will only bring you misery or death, won't I? That's what I always bring. Even as an angel, I cause you misery." He said sadly.

Dean sighed and crowded his face in on Cas's again.

"I'm not the one you need to talk to this about because I'm not really Dean and you know it."

"The real Dean would try to deny it so that I will not consider taking my own life again." Castiel said.

"Well maybe he's got a point." The dream Dean said.

Cas sighed and closed his eyes.

"Can't you just tell me what to do? What the right decision is?" he asked hopefully, knowing what the answer would be.

"Sorry Cas. I can't. But I can kiss you again." Dean said, grinning at him.

Cas shook his head.

"The real Dean does that." he reminded his dream's manifestation of the hunter.

He rolled his eyes before getting a wicked glint in his eye and a smirk formed on his face.

"Then maybe I can do something that your real Dean won't do quite yet." He said, his hand creeping down to Castiel's pants. "I happen to know for a fact you're not wearing boxers."

Castiel's eyes widened but before he could react he felt a jerk and suddenly he was torn away from his dream Dean.

* * *

His eyes flew open and he knew immediately what pulled him out of his dream world. Dean was writhing next to him, his breaths coming out raggedly as his body thrashed. Cas pulled away, wincing slightly as dull pain throbbed in his back, to see that Dean's face was screwed up with anguish at whatever was going on in his dream world. Cas didn't know what to do at first but he finally reached out and grasped Deans shoulders, shaking him out of his nightmare. His eyes flew open to reveal panicked green orbs that immediately latched onto Cas's face. Dean's hands flew up to grasp Castiel's upper arms as his body stilled. There was a slight sheen of sweat over his skin that soaked through his t-shirt and his body was radiating heat.

"Cas." He choked out, looking at him with wide eyes.

"I believe that you were experiencing a nightmare. It is good to wake you when that happens, correct?" Castiel asked, afraid that he'd done something wrong that Dean would be angry over.

Dean stared at him for a few moments, silence reigning in the room. Finally he snapped out of it and dragged his hand down his face.

"Yeah, thanks." He sighed.

Cas nodded and sat up, pulling Dean up as well.

"You should change your shirt. I can't imagine that it is comfortable now." He said, pushing it up on his torso.

Dean didn't fight him, letting him pull the shirt over his head. When he slid off of the bed, the hunter didn't stop him. Castiel was almost relieved that he could do something for Dean after all that he'd done for him. From his point of view, Dean never had the chance to be taken care of. Cas went into the bathroom and let cool water run over a towel, walking back in to place it on the skin of Dean's back, wiping it down gently. Dean sighed with relief at the cooling feeling. When Cas's hand came over his shoulder to do the same for his front, Dean's hand snapped up and grasped his wrist. Cas jumped slightly at the sudden movement and Dean was looking up at him with soulful eyes, guilt and sadness in them. His other hand came up to brush the bruises on Castiel's throat where Metatron strangled him.

"This is my fault, Cas. I'm sorry." He breathed.

Castiel's brow furrowed as he stared at Dean. He moved to sit on the bed across from him once he tossed the towel on the ground.

"How is it your fault? You did not cause Metatron to do as he did."

Dean sighed and his head dropped.

"I promised you that I would keep your grace safe and I handed it over to the son of a bitch. He wouldn't have been able to even attempt the spell if I hadn't handed it over." Dean said, his voice tight with blame for himself.

Cas reached up and tilted his chin up, staring straight into his eyes.

"Metatron had me and he already tortured me by the time he got the grace from you. You thought you could trust him and so did I. It is through no fault of our own that Metatron went… dark side." Cas said, trying to use a term Dean would be familiar with.

A shadow of a smile appeared on the other man's face.

"I do not blame you for anything, Dean. You should not take it upon yourself because it will only cause you grief." Cas assured him.

Dean's eyes moved down again as if he was turning Cas's words over in his head. Castiel took the moment to remember that the hunter, on several occasions, ran his hands through Cas's hair. Curiosity got the best of him as he studied Dean's messy, bedridden hair. He reached out and pushed his hand into the soft hair, gently curling his fingers around the tendrils as he slid his hand through it. Dean looked up at him with surprise at the gesture but made no move to stop him.

"What was your nightmare about?" Cas asked, wondering if he would even tell him.

Dean sighed and his eyes closed for a moment. Castiel continued to run his fingers through his hair and this seemed to relax the other man.

"You. I saw Metatron torturing you and I was powerless to stop it." he finally said, his head bowing again.

Cas remained still for a few seconds before moving forward and kissing Dean's forehead softly.

"Metatron is dead and I am fine." He said simply.

Dean sighed once more and let his arms slide around Cas's torso.

"I'll keep you safe now, Cas. I promise I won't let anyone else hurt you." he murmured.

The, _"please stay here"_, went unspoken but they both knew that Dean meant it. Castiel didn't reply, knowing that Dean didn't intend for him to do so.

"Let me check your wounds to make sure Crowley didn't curse you or anything." Dean said, pulling away and moving Cas around to lie down.

"They don't feel cursed." The fallen angel sighed as he laid on his stomach with his head over his folded arms on the pillow.

Dean pulled off the bandages gently, not wanting to pull at the skin. When they were gone, his mouth dropped open with shock.

"I'll be damned." He finally said.

"What is it?" Cas asked.

Dean didn't answer, reaching out to slide his fingers over the puckered pink scars that were on his shoulder blades instead of the gaping wounds that were there before. Cas flinched at his touch before relaxing when he realized Dean wouldn't hurt him.

"They're… healed. I mean, the skin around them is still pretty red and raw but… they're closed wounds now." He marveled.

"I suppose we should thank Crowley for his help." Cas said.

"That dick was just fixing what he broke." Dean said harshly.

"He didn't have to do this, Dean." Castiel reminded him.

"Yeah whatever. I'll buy him scotch or something." He grumbled.

Without Dean realizing it, his hand had slipped lower and was running over the smooth skin of Castiel's back. The fallen angel didn't seem to mind with a content look on his face and his eyes closed. Dean hesitated before bending down slowly. He slid his mouth over the scars gently, letting his lips touch them lightly as they traced their shapes. Cas murmured low in his chest at the feeling.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Kissing them better." Dean claimed, not caring that it was girly and ridiculous of him.

He moved his lips over his back to the other scar and kissed it as well. His hands slid up the side of Cas's torso as he did so. Dean suddenly heard a rumbling and looked up to see that Cas was laughing slightly.

"What?" Dean said, frowning as he stilled his movements.

"Nothing." Cas said, shaking his head with confusion flickering over his face.

Dean stared at him suspiciously before shrugging and continuing. His hand slid up more and Cas began laughing again, squirming slightly underneath him.

"Dean stop." He breathed out.

Suddenly a lightbulb went off in Dean's head.

"Cas are you… ticklish?" he asked.

The fallen angel looked confused once again.

"I do not know what that means, Dean. But whatever you are doing is causing strange sensations that encourage me to laugh." Castiel answered.

Dean let out a low chuckle.

"That's ticklish, Cas." He informed him. "It means that when I do this…"

Dean's fingers began lightly prodding at Cas's sides and the angel let out a laugh, squeezing his eyes shut and writhing underneath him as he tried to get away. Dean laughed as he pulled his hands away.

"… I'm tickling you." he finished his sentence.

A pout formed on Cas's face as he breathed heavily.

"I do not like that." he said petulantly like a small child.

"Well no one likes the tickle monster, Cas." Dean said, shrugging.

The former angel's eyes opened and he looked back at Dean suspiciously.

"There is no such thing as a tickle monster, Dean." He said, squinting.

Dean smirked.

"Are you sure?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I was an angel with an unlimited amount of knowledge. I would have heard of such a thing." He said, the eye roll implied.

Dean's smirk widened into a grin.

"Well you need to do more research, Cas." He said before attacking him again with his fingers, causing Castiel's laughter to fill the room once again.

Cas managed to struggled away from Dean and flip over, grabbing the other man's hands and lifting them up. His eyes were lit up with his laughter and he seemed to be glowing from within as he smiled slightly. Dean grinned down at him with a mischievous look in his eyes.

"You are uncontrollable, Dean Winchester." Cas said accusingly.

"What can I say?" Dean shrugged.

Cas's face adopted a tender look as he stared up at Dean, studying his freckles and his bright green eyes through the dim light of the one lamp that was on in the room. Dean stared back at him, looking at the shadows on his face and his dark blue orbs. It took them both a moment to realize that Dean had unwittingly straddled Cas's hips in an attempt to hold him down. Neither of them made a motion to move out of the position. Cas's eyes flickered to Dean's lips and, in a very human motion, his tongue darted out to lick his own lips. Dean followed the movements and his eyes darkened slightly as he watched. Dean bent down slowly, his own pink tongue darting out to lick his own lips just as their faces came together. When their lips touched lightly, Cas's hands came up and slid into Dean's hair again, discovering that he liked the feel of it as much as Dean did.

They didn't move at first, relishing in the feeling before Dean slid his hand up Cas's arm and to his neck, brushing his hand over his bruised throat before sliding his mouth away from Cas's. The other man whimpered at the loss of contact but then gasped lightly when Dean began kissing slowly down his jawline, alternating between open and closed mouthed kisses. He nosed at his jaw a few times before he moved to Cas's ear. He hesitated there for a moment, breathing Cas's scent in before kissing his earlobe lightly. When he opened his mouth and took it between his teeth lightly, Cas gasped again and his hips jerked up involuntarily at the jolt of desire that flashed through his body.

Dean smiled slightly at Cas's reaction before he dragged his teeth down the lobe gently, flicking his tongue over it before releasing it. He continued on his path, moving his lips down to Cas's throat. Where he would usually be biting and sucking along the skin, he chose a different take on the situation. He simply kissed him, not wanting to hurt his already tender skin. Cas threw his head back to allow Dean more access, his breath coming out in short gasps as he continued threading his fingers through Dean's hair. Dean kissed his bruises gently, an unspoken apology in each touch of his lips to Cas's skin.

"Dean…" Cas breathed, his voice cracking with desire and emotion.

Dean hummed in response, his hands softly traveling up Cas's torso without tickling him this time. Before the fallen angel knew it, something clicked in his mind as Dean lavished attention on his skin. He'd made his decision as soon as Inias gave him the offer. Somewhere in the back of his mind he already knew where he would end up but he second guessed himself too much.

"Dean…" he repeated, pulling Dean up to look him in the eye.

"What is it, Cas?" Dean chuckled, seeing Cas's eyes shining with lust and mirth at the same time.

"I know what I am going to choose. I know what I want to do." Cas said, an effortless smile forming on his lips.

* * *

They were all standing in the main room of the bunker. Castiel was in front of everyone else, Sam and Dean standing together with Crowley a few steps behind Sam hovering uncomfortably as he stared at the angel who was in front of them. Kevin was off to the side, clutching at his shotgun as if it was his lifeline. Inias's eyes took in Castiel carefully, looking at the ratty t-shirt and ripped jeans that he was wearing. The angel's sharp yet warm eyes looked at his bare feet with a slight hint of amusement at seeing his former leader so casually and humanly dressed. Cas was showered and clean, his hair sticking up in every which direction after Dean took a towel to it.

"Are you certain about this, Castiel?" Inias asked, a hint of disappointment in his voice.

He obviously wanted his old general back. Cas looked at him with empathy, knowing that he missed his old friend, one of his kinder hearted brothers, as well.

"I am positive, Inias." He assured the angel.

Inias sighed and nodded as if he even expected the answer.

"Well this is not the end, my brother. You know that in usual cases such as these, we would confiscate your grace and banish you from heaven but… no one wants to do that, Castiel. We are allowing you to keep it. If, at such a time as your mortal life expires, you wish to return to heaven as one of us, you may do so. Or you can choose to remain a human soul and join us in heaven as one of them." Inias said, nodding at Sam and Dean.

Castiel was surprised. He chose Dean and their earthly family knowing that he would probably be banished from heaven. It shocked him that they would allow him, even after his refusal, to still join the angels years from now.

"Thank you, Inias." He breathed.

"We owe you a debt of gratitude, all of you. If there is anything that you need, simply pray and we will come. You have done so much for the service of angels and of earth without reward and we recognize that now." Inias said, looking at Dean and Sam.

They both nodded, dumbstruck by the ease of the situation.

"Goodbye, brother." Inias nodded at Castiel before disappearing.

Cas turned to them and Dean stepped forward.

"You sure about this, Cas?" he asked.

The angel turned human nodded, looking pleased with himself.

"This is where I belong now, as long as you will take me." Castiel said, looking up at Dean.

"Of course we'll take you." Dean sighed, pulling him into an eager hug.

Cas buried his face in Dean's shirt as Dean buried his own face in Cas's still damp hair.

"We can go shopping for clothes now if you want yours back." Cas murmured, his voice muffled by Dean's shirt.

Dean let out a chuckle and pulled away.

"I don't know, I kinda like that look on you. But we have to get you a belt because those pants are in a dangerous situation of falling off."

Cas flushed red and his hands went to the waist. He yanked them up with a humiliated look.

"What is it?" Sam asked, confused by his behavior.

Cas muttered something intelligible.

"What was that?" Dean questioned.

"I got dressed in a hurry this morning and you were throwing clothes at me and… I don't have any…" his eyes flickered down and back up.

Dean turned slightly pink as they all realized what Castiel was talking about.

"You're not wearing skivvies?" Crowley said, smirking.

Cas flushed even deeper red and tightened his hold on his jeans. Dean pressed his lips together and inhaled deeply.

"Come on, Cas. Let's go get you that belt." He grabbed his arm to drag him back to his room.

"Dean can I have some underwear first?" Cas asked as they walked into the room.

"Not yet." Dean said before pulling him in close.

One of his hands went to the back of Cas's neck and the other to the small of his back as he stared down at the angel.

"Damn… Cas are you trying to kill me?"

"Of course not, Dean." Cas said, sounding horrified.

"Well then don't tell me you're not wearing boxers, man. Especially not when you're in my jeans. That's just too… too…"

"Weird?" Cas said, adopting his word.

"No, no it is the opposite of weird. It's…" Dean shook his head. "Screw it… it's hot."

Cas knew that hot, in Dean's vocabulary, was a good thing. He beamed up at him, taking Dean by surprise.

"I wasn't wearing underwear last night either. Nor was I when you tickled me… or when we kissed." He said, testing the waters.

Dean groaned and pulled him in closer.

"You are trying to kill me." he said, moving his lips down to capture Cas's.

Cas sighed into his lips, pulling him back towards the bed where he collapsed backwards, ignoring the twinging pain in his shoulder blades. His jeans slid down slightly, showing off his lower abdomen and a trail of dark hair where his t-shirt slid up. Dean stared at it for a moment before reaching out and tracing Cas's prominent hipbones with his hands. Cas let out a noise that was between a whimper and a moan as he threw his head back.

"Hot." Dean murmured again before diving down to capture Cas's lips again.

* * *

**Review please!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**IMPORTANT: All right I'm going to let you guys decide. Originally I was not going to do any smut in this fic but, as one of my reviewers said, the story seems to be going that way without my permission. If you want to see it, let me know. If you don't want to see it, let me know. It'll be a poll kind of thing so majority wins. Please please please give me your opinion because I want to know what you want to see. This is your story as much as it is mine.**

**IMPORTANT #2: I am so very happy we made it to 200 reviews. You are all amazing and I love you! If you want to see something happen in this story, I do mean anything, that hasn't happened, let me know. It can be a scene between any characters and I will make it happen for you. This is your reward. If you come up with an idea, tell it to me in a review for this chapter and this chapter only. If you want to, you can also PM me and I'll make sure I read it.**

**I give you some fluffy Destiel shopping and unfortunate Sam scenes as he deals with Crowley and Kevin alone. Okay this chapter is a little ridiculous but I figured we all needed a short break from all of the angst that's been happening nonstop in this story.**

**I hope that you don't mind that I'm not giving Dean a big gay panic when it comes to him and Cas. I know that's a big plot point in a lot of stories but I don't really want to write that. It's easier for me and for the development of my story if I can have Dean comfortable in the way he feels about Cas. There will be a few scenes where he freaks out but for different reasons.**

* * *

By the time they finally slid out of bed and Cas actually got dressed with underwear and a belt, it was mid-afternoon. Both Dean and Castiel looked pleased with themselves as they stumbled out of the hallway into the main room. Sam was feeding Crowley and Kevin sandwiches. He looked up at them and smiled slightly.

"I guess you're going shopping." The younger Winchester said.

"Yeah we figured we'd drive into town and go grab some stuff." Dean shrugged.

"Get some food too. We're almost out." Sam said simply.

"Better food, if it's not too much trouble." Crowley said, grimacing at his ham sandwich. "Not that I'm not grateful for… this."

Sam shot Crowley an annoyed look.

"If you're not careful I'll have you eating spam and tuna." Dean threatened the former demon.

Sam and Castiel let out chuckles as Crowley looked traumatized by the thought.

"Come on." Dean snagged Cas's sleeve and pulled him towards the door.

"It would be nice if you got Crowley some clothes too. He's been in these for days." Sam reminded Dean.

"Yeah." Dean waved over his shoulder with a roll of his eyes.

He wasn't sure why he was expected to cater to Crowley after all he'd done. Castiel seemed to know exactly what Dean was thinking as they approached the Impala.

"He's different now and he wants forgiveness." He said, hesitating at the passenger door.

"Yeah I know." Dean sighed, yanking the driver's door open.

Castiel climbed in after him, settling in the passenger's seat after closing the door. Dean reached down and pulled the basket of cassette tapes out from underneath the seat. He set it on Cas's lap before starting the car.

"Pick our music." He said.

"But I thought that driver picks the music and shotgun…" Cas began, reciting Dean's oft repeated line about the music in the car.

Dean cut him off with a finger on his lips.

"Just stay away from the Bon Jovi. Not in the mood." He said simply.

Cas smiled slightly as they pulled away from the bunker and he began digging through the tapes.

* * *

"I swear Cas, it's like you were reading my mind with that Zeppelin choice. You didn't keep any of that freaky psychic stuff, right?" Dean asked as they pulled up to a thrift store.

"Not that I know of." Cas answered. "There is a chance that I retained certain abilities as Anna did when she fell but they will not reveal themselves until my body is healed."

"Well either way, congrats on the music choice." Dean acknowledged as he cut off the engine.

They got out, synchronized in their movements as they slammed the doors shut and walked up to the shop.

"We can get you a few shirts and a few pairs of pants for now, maybe a couple of jackets." The hunter said.

Cas nodded, glancing around the store as they entered. It looked as any normal thrift shop would look from Dean's point of view but Cas looked taken aback by the rows and rows of clothing.

"Hi." They both looked to see a woman in her mid-30's behind the counter smiling at them. "How are you two gentlemen today?"

"We're great, thanks." Dean said in greeting.

"Is there anything specific you're looking for?" she asked, moving to step out from behind the counter.

"We're shopping for this guy. He lost all of his luggage. We're just needing to get him a few outfits to last until he can find it." Dean said, the lie falling from his lips easily.

"Gotcha." She nodded, studying Cas appreciatively. "You know I actually got a donation yesterday, I think the stuff would look great on you."

Dean narrowed his eyes at her but she didn't see because she was staring at Cas as if he was the eighth wonder of the world.

"Could you direct us to the clothing?" Cas asked, trying to sound as natural as he could.

"I sure can, sweetie." The woman said, sliding her hand over his elbow and tugging him gently in the direction of the racks.

Dean followed with a frown, uncomfortable with how close the shop owner was to Castiel.

"They're all right here. You should try some on. We need to get you out of those ratty old things. They don't do you justice." She said, grimacing at Dean's clothing that Cas was wearing.

"I like it but… I think that Dean wishes to have his clothes back." Cas said.

"You can keep 'em as long as you want, Cas." Dean corrected him, fighting the urge to send a triumphant look to the woman that said, _he_ likes my clothes.

"Well everyone needs to have some of their own clothes. Here." The woman began grabbing clothes off of the rack and shoving them into Cas's arms.

When she was done and he was laden with clothing, she directed him toward the dressing room with a hand on the small of his back. Dean followed once again, somehow suddenly feeling like the third wheel on this shopping trip. He didn't like the feeling at all.

* * *

Sam sat in the chair rubbing his temples as the conversation went on around him.

"I swear I will shoot you if you keep on doing what you're doing!" Kevin yelled.

"I haven't done a thing!" Crowley argued, sinking down in his chair at the threat.

"You said Star Trek Two is better than Four!" Kevin shouted accusingly.

"It was better than Four!" Crowley fired back.

"Like hell! The plot didn't even measure up!"

"You must need a psychologist because you're obviously mental!"

"If I'm mental it's because you tortured me mentally!"

"I was evil then!"

"You're evil now!"

"Dean, please get home soon." Sam sighed.

* * *

Dean glared at the wall as he heard the woman fussing over Cas in front of the mirror behind him.

"If you just tuck the shirt in slightly here… there you go. Oh I have to go get you a pair of shoes that'll look perfect with this. You do need shoes, right?" the woman asked Cas.

"Dean?" the former angel called, sounding overwhelmed by her constant attention.

"Yeah, Cas. You need some shoes too." Dean sighed.

"Great, let me go grab some and a couple of belts for you too." The shop owner said, hurrying past Dean to fetch these things for Cas.

"How you feeling?" Dean called over his shoulder.

"Shopping is… vaguely terrifying. Is it always this overwhelming?" Cas asked.

"Nope, this is a special occasion." Dean said bitterly, glaring at the woman as she ran all over the store finding stuff for Cas to wear.

It wasn't that she was finding more stuff than Dean was planning on buying, that wasn't the problem. It was a thrift shop so the price wasn't a big deal. It was the fact that she was treating Cas like her own personal doll and… touching him. She rushed past Dean and began babbling on about shoes to Cas. Dean sighed heavily and settled further into his chair, clenching the arms as he went back to glaring at the wall. Several minutes later, the woman let out a triumphant noise.

"I'm so glad that you could make use of this clothing. Oh it just fits you perfectly. Let me go get you rung up. No you should keep that on. It's a right sight better than what you were wearing before. I'll just put those old clothes in a bag for you." she said, gathering the rest of his clothes and pulling them up to the front.

Dean followed her, feeling Cas walking behind him as he walked up to the register.

"So are you two brothers? Cousins? Just friends?" the shop owner asked as he handed her the clothes he grabbed for Crowley and his credit card.

"None of the above." Dean replied.

"Oh?" she said curiously, watching as the receipt printed out.

"Yep." Dean said simply, not giving her an inch of room on the information front.

He grabbed the bags from the counter with a smirk and turned to walk out. The plastic bags almost dropped from his hands when he saw Cas standing before him with his hands in his front jeans pockets. Jeans that were dark-washed and a much snugger fit than the ones he borrowed from Dean. A belt was fitted through the loops and the light green shirt fit him perfectly. His shoes matched the color of his belt. To top it all off, a black leather jacket sat on his shoulders. Dean was lost for words as his eyes roved over Cas's outfit.

"Damn, Cas." He finally said.

"It's good?" the fallen angel asked nervously, glancing down at it.

Dean grinned, his smile causing one to bloom on Cas's face as well.

"It's great, Cas. You look… damn you look good."

"Doesn't he?" the woman interrupted, coming from behind the counter to move towards Cas again.

Dean felt a flash of anger and jealousy as she stepped towards the other man to most likely touch him again. He stepped up to Cas before she did, holding out two of the bags to him.

"You really look great." He assured him.

The woman watched with shock and Dean felt a hint of triumph as he laced his fingers through Cas's and pulled him in for a short but satisfying kiss.

"Time for the grocery store." He said, grinning at Cas as he blinked and smiled back at Dean, warmth filling his gaze.

"May we purchase ingredients for a pie?" Cas asked, looking thrilled by the prospect.

"I like the way you think." Dean said appreciatively, pulling Cas towards the exit without a backward glance at the shocked shop owner.

* * *

When Dean and Cas walked into the bunker laden down with bags of groceries and clothes, they barely stopped in the main room where Sam had Crowley on one side watching a movie on Sam's own laptop and Kevin on the other reading a Men of Letters book about the supernatural happenings of World War II.

"Crowley's clothes." Dean said, dropping one of the bags on the table.

"Thanks." Sam sighed gratefully, looking exhausted.

"You should go take a nap. These two can survive a while without you. We'll be in the kitchen if either of them need us." Dean commented.

"Kitchen? Making what?" Sam questioned.

"Pie." Dean and Cas said at the same time, both looking thrilled at the thought.

Dean was grinning because pie. Cas was smiling because the idea of making Dean happy made him happy. They walked out of the room and disappeared back into the kitchen, their voices muffled by the thick walls.

"All right so I'm pretty sure I got all of the basic materials for a pie." Dean said as they laid them out.

Cas looked over at him, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Pretty sure?" he questioned, not sounding very confident at Dean's words.

"I've never actually, uh… made a pie before." he admitted.

Cas continued staring at him, somehow retaining that unblinking look despite his new humanity.

"Shut up." Dean said, rolling his eyes and turning back to the counter.

Apples, white sugar, brown sugar, flour, eggs, and many other ingredients were laid out before them.

"Let's get started." Dean said, pulling out a mixing bowl and shooting a grin at Cas.

* * *

Sam was startled awake by the sound of raucous laughter. Instead of going back to his room, he accidentally fell asleep sprawled in his chair in the main room. Kevin and Crowley looked around with confusion as Sam jumped up and approached the kitchen warily, almost afraid of what he would see in there. Crowley and Kevin followed him, too curious not to see what was happening. When they walked in, they were shocked at the state of the room. It looked like a flour bomb had gone off. The white powder was everywhere. Cut up apples were strewn across the counter and somehow there were streaks of yellow yolk down one of the walls with broken egg shells cluttered on the floor. Dean and Cas were leaning against the cabinet with red faces, their eyes lit up with mirth as they drank beer and basked in the glory of their failed pie experiment.

"What the hell happened?" Sam breathed, his eyes wide.

"Dean thought he remembered his mother's old apple pie recipe. It turns out that his memory was not as good as he claimed." Cas said, gesturing around.

"Good God, it looks like a tornado of flour went through here." Crowley said, half-impressed at how the boys managed to make such a big mess.

"We eventually gave up and started throwing eggs." Dean said, nodding at the wall.

"We were aiming for a black spot which is now undistinguishable behind the yolk." Cas informed them.

"Are you two drunk?" Sam demanded.

"Not yet." They claimed together.

Sam shook his head, moving forward to start cleaning up their mess as he knew that they were doubtful to do it themselves considering their joyous state of mind and the way that they were currently sharing a conspiratorial yet heated look.

"You two are never allowed to make a pie again."

"But Sammy!" Dean began to complain. "Cas just got a really good idea right before you came in! Tell him your idea, Cas!"

"Inias." Cas said simply.

They all stared at him for more information other than the angel's name.

"I thought, since Dean does not remember his mother's recipe, that we could call on Inias and ask him to find Mary Winchester in heaven and request the recipe from her before bringing it down to us."

Dean looked at Sam, waiting for his reaction.

"Doesn't that seem like it would be a waste of the angel's time?" Kevin wondered.

"He said if we need anything… well this is pretty desperate." Dean decided.

"Desperate?" Sam said doubtfully.

"We need some pie, Sammy. Hell, we deserve some pie. Cas wants pie. I want pie. You three _should_ want pie. Let's get some damn pie." Dean said.

"If you want to go about this with an easier plan, you can just allow me to bake a pie. I have experience and I make a wonderful apple." Crowley offered, looking bright-eyed given the chance to do something.

"Yeah, laced with poison no doubt." Dean scoffed.

Crowley's face fell and Sam gave Dean a bitchface as Castiel stood, his eyes on Crowley.

"That would be appreciated, Crowley. Thank you." he acknowledged.

The former demon looked a little happier again as Dean rolled his eyes and stood as well.

"Fine. What can we do to help?" he asked.

"Oh no." Crowley said, shaking his head. "You two aren't going to stick around and ruin my perfect baking record. I'll let you know when I'm done."

He pointed at the door as Dean gaped at him.

"You can't kick me out of my kitchen!"

Cas leaned into Dean and whispered something in his ear, his hand sliding into Dean's as he did so. After a moment, Dean's face broke out in a smile and he nodded.

"Call us when the pie is done. There's extra ingredients in the pantry and fridge." He said before dragging Cas out of the room.

"Well… the angel learns quickly, doesn't he?" Crowley said as they disappeared around the corner.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, frowning.

Crowley smirked as he pulled an apron out of a drawer.

"Let's just say that you might not want to go anywhere near their room right now for fear of hearing something you might not want to hear."

Sam made a disgusted face and shuddered before moving forward to help Crowley bake his brother's pie.

* * *

"Oh yeah, right there. Just like that is… God that is good." Dean's voice rang through the air.

"Like that?" Cas questioned.

"Yeah, don't you like it?"

"It's… acceptable."

"Acceptable? Come on, Cas. You aren't supposed to say that kind of stuff."

"What am I meant to say? You forget that I have not taken part in an act such as this one before."

"Oh trust me, I haven't forgotten. Here, put this… right there."

"Why there?"

"I don't know, Cas. That's just where it goes!"

"This doesn't seem right, Dean."

"Well it is right." Dean fired back petulantly.

"It would make more sense if it went…"

"Don't put it there!"

Cas sighed and backed away, glowering at Dean.

"Why can't I put it where I want it to be?" he asked.

"Because there is a certain way to do this, Cas. Trust me." Dean said, staring back at him.

Castiel clenched his jaw and turned his attention back to the matter at hand.

"Would it not make more sense for the pants to go on the right, the shirts in the middle, and the jackets on the left?" he suggested.

"No, Cas. Because think about how we read. From right to left. Think about the first thing you'll put on in the morning. Jeans, shirts, jackets." Dean said, changing the order of the clothes in the closet.

"I don't like it." Cas said grumpily.

"I'm sorry." Dean shrugged, arranging the closet how he said.

"I don't think you mean that apology." He said, squinting at Dean.

Dean smirked and turned back to Cas once he finished straightening out the last shirt.

"You're getting better at picking up sarcasm." He commented.

"Sarcasm was never my problem. The intricacies of human emotion sometimes escape my notice but considering how long I've spent with you and Sam, I was forced to learn how to detect sarcasm a while ago." Cas replied as he bent down and laid his new shoes out on the bottom of the closet next to Dean's shoes.

Dean busied himself with hanging up the belts on the same hanger as his own belts.

"Well we still have a lot to teach you if the intricacies of human emotion still escape your notice." He said as Cas straightened up and turned to him.

"There is more to feel?" Cas asked, furrowing his brow as he looked at the closet filled with his new clothing and Dean's old clothing.

"Hell yeah! You're right Cas. So far you've really only felt the bad stuff with a few happy experiences. There's so much left for you."

"Like what?" Cas asked, sitting on their shared bed.

"Thrill, like going fast in a car… excitement, pleasure, mischievousness…"

"Mischievousness?" Cas questioned the last one out loud while his mind was still caught up on the pleasure one.

"Yeah, like pranks and general mischief." Dean shrugged.

Cas just stared at him, blinking every few moments.

"Oh come on, Cas. You had to have done something to your brothers in all those years you were together? Nair in their angelic shampoo?" Dean urged him, grinning.

"I don't know what that means." Cas said honestly.

He sighed, shaking his head.

"Come on." he held his hand out to Cas's.

"What are we going to do?" Cas asked, slipping his hand into Dean's and standing as he pulled him to the door.

"Experience mischievousness." He said with sparkling eyes as he directed him into another room.

"Dean, this is Sam's room. What are we doing in here?" Cas asked.

"You'll see." Dean said, sounding ominous and excited at the same time.

* * *

**Cas's Outfit: **

http** colon slash slash **supernatural** dash **fan** dot **org** slash **gallery** slash **albums** slash **userpics** slash **10001** slash **normal** dash **MC004** dot **JPG

http **colon slash slash **24 **dot **media **dot **tumblr **dot **com **slash **tumblr **underscore **lj9gmr2dr01qhwc4oo1 **underscore **400 **dot **jpg

* * *

**Review please!**

**If you didn't read the stuff at the top I would go back and read it if I were you. It's very important to the story.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thanks to Destiel-Sabriel1979, nani'anela, halle mcready, SuperAwesomePandaKitty, Cold North, The Mysterious Shadow, Sinthija, Thaye, gypsydancer529, LilyJamesShipper, AvengingMudbloodInTheTARDIS221, kwayland, stefanswifey01, heki564, Talonwhisker, VampirePrinssess, Harmonybliss, Monsters-Need-Love-Too, Ianamere, FangirlingPetrichor, and the guest for reviewing!**

**IMPORTANT: Okay so the overwhelming consensus was yes to smut. A few of you didn't want it so here's what I decided and you can let me know what you think in your review. I am going to publish the smutty scenes as separate outtakes of the stories and they'll be named accordingly. I'll put their URLs on the main story as I write them so that you can know where to go. I don't want to make others uncomfortable by making them have to read smut when they don't want to. You may miss out on a few little things but I promise there will be no major plot developments within the smut. Let me know if that's a good compromise in your reviews.**

**IMPORTANT #2: I have taken your suggestions and I will definitely try to use all of them. A few of you are going to see your requests in this very chapter so I hope it makes you happy.**

**There is going to be a hell of a plot twist in this chapter. I hope you like it!**

* * *

"I do not see what the purpose of this is, Dean." Castiel said as he set down the shampoo bottle back in the shower.

"You'll see soon enough." Dean said with excitement as he put the toilet lid down.

"If this goes badly, I want it to be made clear that it was not my idea." Cas warned Dean.

"Trust me, you'll want to take responsibility for it once you see Sam's reactions." Dean assured him.

"I'm not sure that's true." Cas sighed, standing from the edge of the bathtub.

"Don't you trust m…"

Dean was cut off by Cas shoving him into the wall and putting his hand over his mouth. Dean began to struggle, knowing he could break from Castiel's grip now that he was human, but Cas looked into his eyes and shook his head. Voices floated down the hallway coming towards them. Dean quieted but Cas didn't remove his hand, unwilling to admit that even the feeling of Dean's lips against his hand was satisfying.

"… look in Dean's room. They might be there." Sam said from the doorway to his room.

Whoever he was talking to walked down the hallway and came back as Sam ruffled through his drawers looking for something.

"They're not in there." Kevin said.

"Weird. I wonder where they are. Maybe Dean brought Cas to the library and we didn't see." Sam said, sounding unbothered by Dean and Cas's disappearance.

"Dean is going to miss out on the pie if he's not careful. I may hate Crowley with every bone in my body but that pie looks delicious."

Dean's eyes widened and he looked at Cas pleadingly, obviously wanting to get at the pie before the others ate it all. Cas simply held a finger to his lips. Dean's eyes followed the motion and he suddenly realized how incredibly close they were. Their hips were almost pressed together and Cas's face was inches away. Cas blushed slightly when he realized this as well. Before he could move backwards, Dean's hands came down to his waist, gripping his hips lightly to hold him in place.

Cas froze and his heart started beating faster at the touch. Dean noticed his pupils dilating and smirked slightly behind the hand over his mouth. When his thumbs slid down and pushed his shirt up slightly, Cas let out a sharp breath. Dean began rubbing slow circles into his hipbones and Cas looked flustered as he stood in front of Dean, fighting the urge to either cry out or moan at the heat that was filling him from Dean's touch.

"I'm right behind you." Sam's voice cut through the air, following Kevin out of the room.

Cas's hand slipped from Dean's mouth and fell to his shoulder as Dean continued tracing circles on his smooth skin.

"Dean." He whispered, his eyes blinking slowly as the movements relaxed him and tensed him up all at the same time.

Dean's hands moved up slightly, exploring the skin above his hips with light touches of his fingertips.

Cas sighed and his hands came up to slide into Dean's already messy hair, curling the short tendrils around his fingers and threading through it slowly.

"Pie." Cas reminded him, driven half-mad by Dean's light touches.

"Right… pie." Dean nodded, moving his hands back down and allowing the shirt to follow, tugging it back down over Cas's hips.

Cas almost whined at the loss of contact but knowing it was probably for the best since they were almost caught in Sam's bathroom once. Dean took his hand once he let go of his hair, grinning at him.

"Come on, Cas. You're gonna love this as long as Crowley did it right." he said, tugging him out of the room.

Castiel followed willingly and without question, knowing that reflected his entire feelings about Dean. He would follow the man anywhere and Cas didn't have a single problem with that. Dean pulled him into the hallway quickly and suddenly broke out into a run, thrilled by the prospect of finally having pie. Cas followed him, a smile threatening to break out onto his face. They were both wearing socks so when they rounded the corner into the main room, they slid across the floor. Dean laughed as Cas looked terrified and shocked at the same time, never having experienced the effects of socks on slippery floors.

Cas flailed a bit as Dean tried to get balance back for both of them. This caused them to end up on the ground in a heap of limbs and Dean's laughter grew louder. Sam, Crowley, and Kevin were all in there looking at them with wide eyes. Eventually, after he got over his surprise, Cas rumbled out a chuckle along with Dean once they began to disentangle themselves. Dean looked up at the other three males with flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes, looking ten years younger as he grinned.

"Did someone say pie?" he asked.

"Does he have bat-hearing?" Crowley muttered to Sam as Dean helped Cas up and brushed off both of their clothes.

"Only when it comes to pie." Sam replied before looking at them. "Where were you?"

"You know, around. Stop wasting time, Sammy. I have been waiting for this." Dean said, clapping his hands as he saw the pie on the table, golden and still steaming slightly.

"You two bought enough ingredients for five pies, I'm pretty sure, so I made two. There is another one cooling off in the kitchen for when Dean finishes this one off on his own." Crowley commented, watching as Dean practically drooled over the dessert.

"Nah, I'm going to save a piece for Cas. He's never had pie." Dean said with a grin, picking up a knife to cut into the crust.

Cas leaned over him curiously, finding that the aroma of the food was pleasing to him and he smiled at Dean as he cut.

"It smells very good. I can already see the attraction." He said.

"Oh you just wait." Dean said, pushing a piece onto a plate and handing it to Cas with a fork before cutting his own piece.

"You might want to dive in." Sam said to Kevin. "I've got to run to the bathroom."

Dean looked up at Cas with a conspiratorial smirk as Cas looked away from Sam, afraid that he would give something away in his facial expression. They stood back as Kevin and Crowley cut themselves pieces and waited. About a minute later, a loud yelp sounded from the room and Dean bursted into laughter as Cas turned red, both of them giving away their involvement in the girly scream that came from the younger Winchester.

Crowley and Kevin looked at them questioningly but neither man was in a state to explain. Cas sat down stiffly, moving his fork to cut off a piece of the pie and he tentatively put it in his mouth. Both Dean and Crowley looked at him expectantly, wanting to hear his opinion of the pie. His body suddenly loosened up and he sat back in the seat with an ecstatic look.

"This is very good." He murmured, his voice reverent as he instantly went to take another bite.

Dean and Crowley both looked proud at his praise and the rest of them dug into their pies, waiting for Sam to come out and explain what happened. Sure enough, he came stomping into the room in a different pair of pants holding up a jar that served as evidence for the prank.

"Vaseline on the toilet seat, Dean? Really? Are you really that immature?" Sam demanded.

Dean let out a chuckle and popped a bite of the pie into his mouth.

"I hate to tell you, Sammy. But I have no idea what you're talking about."

Sam shot him a bitchface as he threw the jar onto the table and sat in a chair with a huff, crossing his arms over his chest. Cas wanted to speak up and claim that he had a part in the pranking too because he didn't just want Sam to be mad at Dean. But he knew that Sam wouldn't likely believe him considering that Dean was fighting back laughter at Sam's annoyed look.

"Perhaps you would like to take a shower, Sam. I'm sure that toilet water wasn't the cleanest of water." Castiel said.

Dean let out a choking noise that Sam ignored as he sighed and stood.

"Yeah, I'm gonna do that." he said, turning to Dean before he walked out. "We're not starting this prank war crap again, Dean. I refuse." Sam said, pointing at his older brother before storming out of the room.

Dean turned to Cas with wide eyes, looking almost exhilarated.

"You are way more evil than I am! At least I didn't encourage him to go to the toilet!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I just thought he might like a nice, refreshing shower." Cas shrugged.

Dean grinned at him and shook his head.

"You're the best." He claimed, leaning down to press his lips to Cas.

Cas accepted his kiss with vigor, wrapping his hand around his neck to hold him there for a moment. They both froze when they remembered that Crowley and Kevin were in the room. Dean pulled away as Cas's hand dropped to his lap and they both looked guiltily at the other two males.

"Oh don't act all shy about it. No one is surprised." Crowley said with a roll of his eyes.

Dean and Cas looked at Kevin, who shrugged in agreement with the former demon for the first time ever.

"What the hell?" they heard a shout and a thump.

They were all distracted from the surprising kiss when Sam came stomping into the room a second time with a towel wrapped around his waist and his long hair dripping water.

"Dean!" he growled.

"Hey it really wasn't me this time." he defended himself.

"Yeah like Cas came up with gluing my shampoo bottle closed all on his own. Oh and I guess he knows how to rewire plumbing so that it only comes out freezing cold." Sam said, glaring at Dean.

"Actually… the shampoo bottle was my idea. Dean suggested that we play pranks and I chose the least harmful thing I could think of to do." Cas spoke up, waiting for the younger brother's withering glare to be turned on him.

"You are corrupting people, Dean!" Sam snapped, not taking his glare away from his brother.

"Only in the best of ways." Dean shrugged, leaning on Cas. "And this isn't his first time to experience this. Did you forget who his brother is? Gabriel probably did a thousand times worse to old Raphael or Uriel."

"It is true. Gabriel was quite the prankster before he disappeared. Once he trapped Moses in a maze the size of your earth and sent a few of our brothers on a scavenger hunt through heaven to find him. It was a confusing and entertaining one hundred years." Cas said, nodding solemnly.

"Who ended up finding him?" Kevin asked curiously.

"Gabriel finally became bored and brought him out himself." he answered.

"Sounds like you angels had a hell of a time up there. And here I thought you all sat around playing the harp." Dean commented.

"On the contrary, we had our share of amusement from Gabriel's antics and Michael's reaction to him until Gabriel left us for earth." Cas said.

"They obviously never heard Naomi tell a joke." Crowley said from where he was sitting and eating a piece pie as well.

"Naomi? Jokes?" Dean scoffed.

"When she didn't have the stick up her ass, she was actually quite funny." The former demon said.

Cas's eyes shifted down to his empty plate as he paled a bit, closing his eyes. Sam was the only one who noticed, all anger draining from him when he saw Castiel's distress.

"Guys." He shook his head at them as his eyes shifted over to Cas, who was gripping his chair.

"Cas?" Dean was suddenly worried, dropping his plate on the table and squatting next to the fallen angel's chair.

"I'm fine, Dean. I just got a little bit light-headed and I felt constricted for a moment." Cas sighed, still gripping the chair so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

"Come on." Dean pried the plate from his grip and helped Cas up as he fought to breath normally past his rising panic over the flashbacks that were happening in his mind.

Sam, Crowley, and Kevin let them go without another word.

* * *

When Cas and Dean got in the room, Dean helped him sit down on the bed and helped him take his jacket off.

"I'm sorry, Dean." He murmured, looking down at his hands where they were on his lap.

"For what?" Dean asked, looking at him.

"That. I didn't mean to make a scene or force you leave. If you want to go back and enjoy more pie, I am fine alone." Cas suggested.

"I'm fine, Cas. The pie will still be there later and even if it's not I can always get more pie. I can't get more of you so you're more important."

Cas sighed and slumped down.

"I wish that I could stop having averse reactions merely to the mention of a name. I feel weak when my body reacts negatively and I know that it is a burden on you and Sam to be forced to deal with me."

Dean shook his head, putting his hand underneath Cas's chin.

"You aren't a burden, Cas. And you can't just get over what you went through. The fact that you're still walking and talking after all that's happened to you in the past few months is damn impressive."

"I don't feel impressive, Dean. I feel weak." Cas admitted.

"You're not weak, not even close. You fought off Naomi and you fought off Metatron all by yourself." Dean reminded him.

"Not all by myself." Cas said, looking up at him.

The hunter looked at him with confusion.

"You helped. You were there, in my mind. All I knew was that I had to come back to you. I couldn't leave you when you asked me to stay. I couldn't leave you when I knew that you would blame yourself or think yourself not worthy. You are worthy of everything good this life has to offer, you and Sam both, and it's a shame that you do not receive every bit of it." Castiel said honestly.

Dean stared back, unsure of what to say.

"Thanks, Cas." He finally breathed.

Castiel nodded and sighed, blinking a few times.

"I'm going to lie down now, Dean." He sighed.

"Nope, you can't sleep in these jeans." Dean said, hoisting him up.

"You always slept in them." Cas said, confused.

"Yeah but we're safe down here in the bunker and stuff. I don't have to worry about being caught pantsless by a monster or anything." Dean said, smirking at Cas.

The former angel let out a light chuckle and began stripping off his clothing. He was suddenly too tired to walk into the bathroom so he let his shirt and jeans fall to the floor before climbing up onto the bed in just the boxers.

"Don't you want to buy a guy dinner first, Cas?" Dean asked, shocked by what just happened.

"I have no money, Dean. But if can procure some, I would like to take you to dinner." Cas mumbled, unaware of the nature of Dean's remark.

Dean watched as he slid underneath the blankets and settled onto the pillow, burrowed down into the bed. He shrugged after a moment, grabbing a pair of pajama pants before walking into the bathroom. When he came back in, he was wearing no shirt and his pajama pants with boxers underneath. He turned off the lights and then slid into the bed as well. There was a few moments of silence as they laid there, Cas's back facing him. Then Cas spoke.

"Dean?" he whispered, almost as if he was afraid to speak.

"Yeah?" Dean responded, staring through the darkness at the ceiling.

"Can I… can I hold your hand? Just for my peace of mind?" Castiel asked with uncertainty.

Dean remembered that Cas kept reaching for his wrist as they slept, checking Dean's pulse while thinking that Dean wasn't awake to pay attention.

"I'll do you one better."

He reached over and slowly turned Cas towards him, wary of his still sore shoulders. Cas went stiffly at first, fitting himself against Dean's side with his head against Dean's shoulder but still unsure about the situation. Dean grasped his hand gently and led it to his chest, pressing it over his heart.

"See? Beating perfectly." Dean assured him.

Cas sighed with relief and relaxed, letting himself meld against Dean as he felt the steady thump against his hand.

"Thank you." he murmured, feeling his body already sliding into sleep.

* * *

"Did you really think I was done, Castiel?"

Cas's eyes flashed open and he let out a yell of pain as he felt blood dripping down his back. His hands were above his head restrained by chains once more and he was, once again, down in the dirty room with Metatron. Only they weren't alone.

"Did you really think that you escaped? I allowed you to dream such a thing. It was cruel, I know. But I had to keep you distracted while I went to fetch a little gift for you."

Metatron emphasized his last words with a yank on Dean's hair, pulling his head back to expose his throat.

"Dean." Cas whimpered, his voice weak and his body failing him.

"Before you die, Cas. I want you to see me murder your hunter. I also want you to see the disgust on his face when I tell him what you dreamed about."

Metatron knelt beside Dean and began murmuring in his ear. True to his words, Dean's face morphed into one of disgust rather than pain. The angel looked satisfied as he stood once more and held up his angel blade.

"And now you get to watch him die with that look on his face." Metatron said before lifting the blade and plunging it into Dean's heart.

Castiel's shout echoed around the room as Dean's body crumpled to the ground with blood leaking out from under his body.

"Your turn." Metatron said, stalking towards him.

Cas squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself for impact. Suddenly he felt like he was doused with ice-cold water and he sat up, gasping for breath.

* * *

His eyes took a few moments to adjust to the darkness of the room as he breathed heavily. Dean shifted next to him before he spoke.

"Cas? You all right?" his voice was thick with sleep and slurred a little bit.

Castiel didn't answer, his hands trembling as he tried to pull himself away from the memory of the dream. Dean sat up, putting his arm around Cas's shoulders gently.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, just a dream." Cas finally answered, turning to glance at Dean. "I'm fine now."

Dean made a humming noise with his eyes already have closed as he pulled Cas back down, fitting him against his side once more.

"S'okay, Cas. I'm here to protect you from the bad dreams." He mumbled out before yawning and pressing his face into Cas's hair.

Cas laid against Dean until the other man fell asleep. When Dean was lightly snoring, Cas slid out of his arms and stood, pulling on his robe and tying it before he padded out of the room softly. He passed all of the bedrooms and continued into the main room. When he heard a beeping noise, he followed it to the kitchen, his eyes widening in surprise when he saw Crowley pulling a plate out of the microwave. The former demon glanced up at him and nodded at him, holding the plate with pie out to him.

"Can't sleep either, angel?" he asked as Cas took it and leaned against the counter.

"Don't call me that… and no, I can't." Cas answered.

"What then? Castiel?" Crowley asked, cutting another piece to warm up in the microwave.

Cas considered it as he took a bite before shaking his head.

"The suffix –iel translates from Hebrew to 'of God'. I am obviously no longer of God. Therefore… Cas would be the best thing to call me." he answered.

"Well… Cas. What hell did your mind conjure up for you in sleep? I must warn you, mine might be worse since I was actually dreaming of hell." Crowley said, pouring them both a glass of milk.

"I dreamed that Metatron killed Dean in front of me." Cas answered, not aware of why he was being honest with the former demon.

Crowley considered his answer as he handed him the glass.

"All right yours might be better tonight. Death of loved one supersedes everything I suppose." He sighed, pulling his plate out and digging into the pie.

"Why are you remaining here with Sam and Dean? Even as a human you must not like the two very much." Cas asked curiously.

Crowley looked up at him with surprise at the blunt question.

"I have no where else to go ang-Cas. Any demon would kill me as soon as they lay eyes on me and figure out that I'm no longer the King they knew. I've no idea how to live amongst humans. What am I supposed to do? What is my place in this world?" Crowley wondered.

Cas looked at him with appraising eyes.

"What?" the reformed demon said, squinting back at him.

"We're very similar, you and I. Could you imagine us being here years ago when we made our deal? When we conspired together and betrayed one another for power and now we have none?"

Crowley stared at the wall as Castiel spoke, taking in the words silently.

"We both lost what makes us what we are at the same time and now… we don't really know what to do." Cas acknowledged.

Crowley stared back at him for a moment.

"Maybe we should start a restaurant or a bar. Maybe even a nightclub. Or all three. Heaven and Hell. Angels and Demons. Wings and Horns." he listed off.

Castiel huffed out a short laugh as he took a drink of his milk.

"Fire and Ice." Cas said.

"Devil's Trap." Crowley countered.

"Crowley's Trap." Cas suggested.

"Castiel's Temptation." Crowley said.

"Fallen Angel Fine Dining." Cas said.

"Demon's Redemption Bar and Grill."

Cas looked up at Crowley to see him looking slightly amused.

"These aren't really making sense anymore." the former angel said, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly.

"Eh it was a good idea while it lasted." Crowley shrugged.

"Winchester's Bar and Grill." A new voice said and they turned to see Sam walk in.

They watched as he hopped onto the counter, pushing his hair out of his face.

"Are you all right, Sam?" Cas asked with concern.

"I slept a lot during the trials. I think my body is tired of it. I only get a few hours a night and I'm fine." Sam shrugged.

Castiel nodded as Crowley stared at Sam for a moment.

"The Impala Roadhouse." He said, turning back to Cas, who smirked slightly.

"The Colt Brewery."

Sam smiled slightly as they continued battling to come up with a name for a restaurant and/or bar.

"Mary's Diner." He threw in.

"Gabriel's Fine Candies." Castiel said, remembering his brother's penchant for sweets.

"Lilith's Café."

Sam and Cas looked at Crowley with amusement and horror on their faces at the same time.

"What? I was in league with her for a long time. I thought as long as we're naming off former acquaintances…"

"We were naming family. You named an evil demon bitch who tried to kill all of us." Sam corrected him.

Crowley shrugged uncaringly.

"Fergus McLeod's Steakhouse." Castiel said.

Crowley narrowed his eyes at the fallen angel as Sam choked out a laugh.

"Kevin's Deli."

They all looked to see the prophet walk in with sleep-ridden hair and heavy eyes.

"You were being loud and I want some more pie." He mumbled.

All three older men looked apologetic for a moment before turning back to the topic at hand.

"Lucifer's Donut Shop." Crowley said.

"The Four Horsemen Pizzeria." Sam offered.

"The Archangel's Chophouse." Castiel said.

"Team Free Will Bar & Grill."

Once again, their attention was attracted to the door as Dean walked in looking tired but amused by their topic of conversation.

"I think Dean wins." Sam said.

"Yeah whatever. I want some pie." Dean grumbled digging through the fridge to find it and cut a piece.

Once he warmed it up, he leaned against the counter next to Cas to eat it.

"I'm sorry if we woke you." Castiel said.

"You didn't. I couldn't sleep anymore and I noticed you weren't there." Dean answered before putting a bite in his mouth.

"Did you have a nightmare as well?"

Dean hesitated for a moment before nodded slowly.

"Mine was about Metatron." Cas said in a low voice that only Dean could hear. "I dreamt that he had me back in the crypt. Only you were there as well. He killed you right in front of me."

Dean turned to him with a furrowed brow.

"That's not gonna happen, Cas. He's dead. You killed him." he assured Cas.

"I know, but it still haunts me." Cas sighed, setting his plate on the counter behind him.

"I actually had a similar dream. He was torturing you in front of me and I couldn't move to do anything." Dean admitted, looking down at his feet.

Cas sighed, hating that Metatron was haunting them both when he should have been dead and no longer a threat.

"Perhaps we should go back to the crypt." He suggested.

Dean's head snapped up and he looked at Cas with wide eyes.

"Only to see his body and perhaps burn it or bury it. It will bring us closure and it might make us feel much better." He said.

Dean considered this for a moment before nodding slowly.

"We'll go too." Sam said, obviously having heard the conversation.

"That's not necessary, Sammy." Dean argued.

"We want to. At least I want to. We've been cooped up in this bunker for days and maybe after we can actually go to a diner or something to eat." Sam suggested.

Crowley and Kevin nodded in agreement, wanting to get out and stretch their legs as well.

"All right. We'll make a family trip out of it." Dean said sarcastically with a smirk in place.

* * *

"This is… charming." Crowley said as they stood before the crypt.

The sun was shining down on them warmly unlike the last time that Castiel was here. Even so, he was trembling as he stepped towards the door, his breaths coming out in sharp gasps as he reached out to the doorknob.

"Hey, Cas. Why don't you let me and Sammy go down there, huh? You don't need to…"

"I'm facing it, Dean. It might be the only way to get rid of my nightmares. I cannot live with them every night." Cas argued.

Dean looked wary but Cas made his face desperate and pleading enough that Dean sighed and nodded.

"If you get too panicked, we're going to bring you back out, capiche?" Dean said.

"Yeah, I capiche." Cas nodded, relieved and terrified at the same time.

Dean opened the door and they walked into the crypt.

"He kept me down here." Cas said, nodding at the doorway that led to the stairs.

Dean and Sam both raised their guns out of instinct, getting in front of Cas as they walked down.

"It would be helpful if I had a firearm." Cas sighed.

"You never shot a handgun and you're not gonna have one until you practice. I'll work with you on it when we get back to the batcave." Dean said simply as they descended the stairs.

When they walked into the room, Castiel froze and stared at the ground. Dean and Sam looked around the room with their stomachs clenching at the blood smeared everywhere that they knew was Cas's. That was when they realized that something was wrong. Wings were burnt on the ground and walls as sure proof that an angel died in there but there was no body.

"Where is he?" Cas whispered, sounding fearful as he stepped forward.

"Maybe he… disappeared? Turned into dust?" Dean suggested, trying to make sense of it.

"That's impossible. Someone had to have moved him." Castiel refused, looking around.

They heard footsteps behind them and a scoff.

"Why am I not surprised that you three are here?"

At the newcomer's voice, they all three turned with shock, their eyes wide as they stared at him.

"How is this…" Sam trailed off, failing to wrap his mind around what he was seeing.

"You can't be…" Dean said, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes as if he thought it was a hallucination.

"Aw… did you boys miss me?"

Cas moved forward, ignoring Dean's attempts to shove him backwards.

"How are you alive?" he breathed, almost in awe of the being before him.

The surprise visitor smirked, leaning against the wall of the stairwell with crossed arms.

"I have my ways." he said, winking. "I missed you, bro. You look… extremely human."

Cas's face unwillingly broke out into a grin as he stared up at his brother.

"Gabriel." He breathed, no longer feeling anxiety in this place.

* * *

**Review please! Tell me what you think, especially about the plot twist. **


	18. Author's Note - Smut One Shot

Here is the first smutty one-shot and it's link. It is a little bit ahead of where we are in the story but I wrote it tonight and I couldn't wait to post it. It'll take place at the end of the next chapter, which will be up at some point tomorrow. Here's the link:

www **dot **fanfiction **dot** net **slash **s **slash **9350376 **slash **1 **slash **All **dash **This **dash **Longing

(fill in the bolded with punctuation)

Review please and tell me what you think. This is my first time writing Destiel or slash at all so I'm pretty nervous. I hope you like it!


	19. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**I am so sorry for taking so long to update! My week has been crazy!**

**I made up a little more angel mythology in this part, I hope you don't mind.**

**I'm sorry if you were hoping for some Sam/Gabriel loving but that is not what I intend to do with this story. I like the pairing but I don't really want to take away from Destiel just for this story because it is my first Destiel story. There is going to be a friendship between the two that starts in this chapter but not a relationship. I apologize once again.**

* * *

"How are you alive?" Castiel asked with wonder as they ascended the stairs.

He and Gabriel were in the lead as Sam and Dean followed them.

"I told you, I have my ways." Gabriel shrugged, allowing Cas to go through the small doorway into the crypt first.

Castiel turned and stared at him expectantly.

"Fine. I'll give you a hint. Archangels can only be killed with an archangel's blade. It's a little technicality that worked to my advantage." Gabriel said.

"You tricked Lucifer into using the wrong blade?" Cas questioned.

"Yep. Just a little illusion thrown in and my brother thought I was dust. I was in the wind enjoying women and tropical drinks on a private island until you just had to mess everything up." Gabriel said, narrowing his eyes at Castiel, Dean, and Sam.

"How did we mess things up?" Dean demanded defensively.

"I open angel radio every once in a while to check in. I grew used to hearing Castiel's very name cursed every time I did, congrats on that, bro."

Castiel looked down, ashamed. Dean glared at Gabriel for making the fallen angel feel guilty once again.

"Then when I turned it on yesterday, I heard a suspicious amount of praise in Cas's name. You are on the top of every angel's good guy list now. Naturally, I was too curious not to see what happened. That's when I heard Metatron's name mentioned and I knew this was going to be too good to ignore. I followed my nose and it led me here to this graveyard where, a couple of days ago, a big burst of angelic energy exploded. There's only one thing that can do that and it leaves behind a certain mark on the environment around it like a flashing beacon." Gabriel explained as they exited the crypt into the daylight.

Kevin and Crowley looked at him with confusion, questioning his sudden appearance with the brothers and Cas.

"Was Metatron's body here when you got here?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah, it was. Great job on that, by the way. Leaving an angel's body out for anyone to find is top notch work there." Gabriel said, rolling his eyes.

"I was bleeding out and desperate to find help, Gabriel. I wasn't exactly concerned with Metatron's body." Cas shot back.

Gabriel looked at Cas with a smirk but Dean stepped forward.

"Leave him alone." He said gruffly.

"I'm fine, Dean." Cas sighed, stepping back up beside the hunter.

Gabriel's eyes flashed between them curiously as he saw Dean's protectiveness.

"Who is this?" Kevin broke in.

Gabriel turned to the other two males and scoffed before glancing back at Dean and Sam.

"This is the company you boys keep? A former demon, a fallen angel, and a prophet?"

"They're better company than you've ever been." Dean fired back.

Gabriel smirked and turned back to Kevin and Crowley.

"Gabriel, archangel, nice to meet you."

Crowley looked a little uncertain as he backed away.

"Relax. I'm not going to kill you. It'd be like squashing a flea now that you're human." Gabriel said before turning back to the boys, who were both glaring at him.

"What? You really pissed at me for not being dead?" he demanded.

"No, we're pissed at you because you were alive. When everything was happening, when Sam was in hell, when Raphael was starting a civil war in heaven, when the Leviathan were taking over… you were sitting on a beach drinking alcohol." Dean snapped. "We were fighting and you were hiding like a coward."

"Retirement, Deano. I fought my battles, many of them. Just because I didn't fight those doesn't mean I haven't done my duty." Gabriel said simply.

"You don't get retirement!" Dean growled, starting forward.

Cas caught his arm to hold him back, pulling him towards him.

"That's enough, Dean." He murmured, his hand sliding down to grasp his wrist.

Dean relaxed as Cas's thumb swept over his pulse point.

"Why are you here, Gabriel? Why did you remain behind after taking Metatron's body?"

"I wanted to congratulate whoever managed to stop Metatron from performing the spell that would cause all of the angels to fall. Unfortunately, I would have been included in that almost genocide." Gabriel admitted.

"Well you've congratulated Cas. You can go now." Dean said, still frustrated with the archangel.

"Wait." Cas stopped Gabriel and looked at Dean with pleading eyes. "Can't we talk for a while?"

Gabriel looked at Cas and, for the first time in a while, he felt like Castiel wasn't his enemy or another angel out to seize power. He was his little brother and he wanted to talk to his big brother.

"Yeah." Gabriel said, his voice softer than Dean and Sam had ever heard it before.

Cas smiled and looked relieved before turning back to Dean and Sam with a questioning look. Dean sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"There's a diner a few blocks away." Dean said, rewarded with a beaming look from the former angel.

"Thank you." Castiel said, nodding at him.

* * *

That's how, fifteen minutes later, all of the men were gathered around a table in the diner. Cas was sitting between Dean and Gabriel and Sam was on the other side between Crowley and Kevin.

"What can I get you boys?" the middle aged woman who was their waitress asked.

Everyone looked at Dean, knowing he was most likely to know exactly what he wanted.

"I'll get a bacon cheeseburger with a coke." He answered, smiling at her.

She grinned back as she scrawled it down.

"And for you, hon?" she asked Cas.

"I'll have the same." He said, following Dean's lead.

Dean grinned as Sam rolled his eyes, convinced that this was more proof of his older brother corrupting the former angel. The rest of them requested their food and the woman walked away to give the order to the kitchen. There was an awkward silence for a few minutes until Gabriel broke it.

"Cheeseburgers, huh? I see you boys have fully integrated my brother into humanity." Gabriel said, smirking as the waitress brought their drinks.

"Well I haven't tried many other foods. Burgers and pie are basically all that I've had. Though I am certain that this burger, while it might be good enough, will not measure up to Dean's burgers. He is very good at making them." Cas said.

"Oh yeah, what else has Dean done for you?"

Dean choked and sputtered on his soda as he took a drink, coughing as he bent over the table. Gabriel's smirk grew more pronounced as Sam gave him a bitchface and Cas leaned over Dean with a concerned expression.

"Are you all right?" he asked, his hand on Dean's back.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He choked out.

"Perhaps you need water."

"No, Cas. I'm really okay." Dean assured him, sitting up and grimacing out a smile.

"You sure you don't need mouth-to-mouth? I'm sure Castiel is willing to take one for the team." Gabriel suggested, chuckling.

Cas's face flushed red as he figured out that Gabriel was making sexual references.

"Shut up." Dean snapped, glaring over Cas's shoulder at Gabriel.

"Please don't fight." Cas requested, glancing between them.

"I'll stop fighting when he stops doing what he's doing." Dean said, taking another drink of his coke.

"Fine, I'll behave… maybe." Gabriel said, grinning as he turned to Sam. "How is your life, little Winchester?"

Sam glowered at him.

"It's peachy." He said through gritted teeth.

"You're cranky, that's okay. I know you're not my biggest fan. But I would also be a little grumpy if I had to wear those ratty things."

Gabriel gestured to the stained and dirty plaid shirt and ripped up jeans that Sam was wearing.

"I didn't have a choice. Someone put itching powder on all of my other clothes so they're in the wash." Sam said, glaring at Dean accusingly.

"I told you once and I'll tell you again, Sammy… I did not handle the itching powder." Dean said, raising his arms in surrender.

Sam turned his gaze on Cas, who was looking anywhere but at Sam.

"Cas, did Dean put the itching powder on my clothes?" he asked.

Cas looked up at him with wide eyes before glancing at Dean, who nodded at him with a slight smirk.

"I have nothing to say on the subject." He said quickly before, dropping his eyes again.

"You have him lying for you now?" Sam demanded.

"He didn't say whether or not I did! He just doesn't want to talk about it." Dean shrugged.

"So you taught him that evasive technique you used to use on Dad when you wanted to sneak out instead of doing weapons training." Sam said, shaking his head.

"I did no such thing." Dean scoffed, obviously lying.

"Wait a minute… there are pranks going around and I'm not involved?" Gabriel said, raising his eyebrow.

"No!" Dean and Sam said at the same time.

"Well that's just rude. I have the best prank ideas ever, obviously." He said.

"Yes, I told them about Moses." Castiel nodded.

Gabriel let out a barking laugh.

"Yeah, that's one of those things I'm always going to find amusement in. I thought Raphael was going to explode out of sheer frustration." He said.

"I'm certain that our brothers would still be looking if you hadn't pulled him out yourself." Cas said.

"Well they weren't the sharpest tools in the shed." Gabriel shrugged.

Castiel smiled as he remembered something.

"You should tell them about Zachariah and the library." He encouraged Gabriel.

Gabriel laughed once more, shaking his head.

"Now that is one of my greatest hits. That was years ago. Zachariah was instructed to go into the archives of heaven and find information on something… the topic is not important. A few days before this mission he caught me eating a certain delicious dessert and accused me of gluttony in front of our brothers and sisters. Well… I don't react well to such accusations so… naturally… I changed the subject of the books a little bit." Gabriel shrugged.

"Not just some of the books, all of the books." Castiel reminded him.

"Yes, all of them." He admitted.

"To what?" Kevin asked.

Gabriel simply grinned.

"All of the books outlined, in several different languages, very detailed and graphic sexual acts. For weeks he worked with Uriel and Anael to change them back because he didn't want to inform the archangels of the mishap. When Zachariah finally went to Michael and Raphael to explain everything, the archangels went to find that the books were changed back to normal. Zachariah was sent on a mission to earth for fifty years as punishment for wasting their time. Everyone knew that Gabriel was behind it but no one was willing to stand against him, especially not in Zachariah's defense. Heaven was… peaceful for a time" Cas said, sounding amused.

"And that is why I should be consulted on all pranks. If you want, little Winchester, I can be your consultant on how to pay your dear brother and my dear brother back."

Castiel's eyes widened as Dean scoffed and Sam looked vaguely interested.

"No death or maiming?" the younger Winchester confirmed.

Gabriel sighed.

"If you want to be boring about it… sure." He compromised.

Sam's face suddenly broke out into a grin and he nodded.

"I'm in."

Cas looked frightened as Dean rolled his eyes.

"Bring it on, gigantor. We can pay you back for whatever you do to us." Dean said carelessly, throwing an arm over Cas's shoulders as the waitress brought their food over.

"We'll see." Sam said, sharing a conspiratorial look with the archangel.

* * *

"This place is actually nice. Congrats boys." Gabriel said as he glanced around the main room of the bunker.

Dean wasn't a huge fan of bringing Gabriel back to their safe haven but Sam insisted, apparently deciding that Gabriel was all right after the archangel offered to help him with pranks. Castiel was willing to admit that, after hearing about Gabriel and Sam's intent to team up, he was slightly afraid of what would happen. First off, he knew that Dean wasn't a fan of Gabriel's work and he didn't want them to fight over it. Secondly, Gabriel had a history of his pranks being funny for him and annoying or infuriating for everyone else, possibly even painful, for everyone else. So he was a tiny bit afraid and rightly so.

"… want a tour?" he heard Sam ask as he pulled himself out of his thoughts.

"Why not? I need to scope out the battlefield." Gabriel said with sparkling eyes.

"Hey Cas I never gave you a tour." Dean remembered, ignoring Gabriel's mischievous look.

Castiel turned to him and nodded, remembering as well.

"You want to join us?" Sam questioned, looking at them.

"No, little Winchester. Dean is trying to get my dear brother alone. We'll let them go off to the broom closet while we discuss a plan." Gabriel said.

It was comical for the rest to see the archangel in all of his shortness dragging the hunter out of the room effortlessly. Dean shrugged and turned to Cas, holding out his hand. Cas smiled slightly and took it, following him in a completely different direction than Sam and Gabriel. Kevin and Crowley were left alone in the room.

"Do you feel a little left out of this prank business?" the former demon asked.

Kevin gave him a dark look and then turned away to walk out. He hesitated at the door before turning back to Crowley.

"I never played a prank on anyone." He admitted.

Crowley looked at him with an amused glance.

"Would you like to?"

* * *

"This is an impressive store of weapons." Cas said as he glanced around the large room.

"Yeah, Sam and I added some of our own that we don't always need for cases." Dean said, glancing around at the weapons that were mounted on walls and set up on shelves.

Cas gingerly pulled a rifle off of the wall with the wood chipped in several places.

"There are files on all of them. We can go through them to figure out where and when they're from, if you want."

"This is from the Civil War." Castiel said confidently, running his fingers over the barrel.

"How do you know?" Dean asked, putting down what suspiciously looked like a samurai sword to walk up to him.

Castiel inhaled and closed his eyes, his mind pulling back at his memories. They were brighter as though he'd seen them through an entirely different set of eyes when, in fact, he did.

"We watched the war, watched you fight over the rights of men and land. It was a bloody war, one of the worst we'd seen on earth. We weren't sure that your country would ever recover. You did but the scars are still there." Cas explained, opening his eyes to look at the gun.

"I didn't know you guys cared enough to watch our wars and stuff." Dean commented, sitting on a wooden box that held ammunition for the guns.

"Not all angels did. But we didn't have much to do. After the battle with Lucifer and before the apocalypse took place, there were not many battles to fight in heaven. We were soldiers without cause and we had to find ways to amuse ourselves. I chose to watch humanity. Not generally, but I watched the battles they fought. Alexander the Great, King Xerxes of Persia, Attila the Hun, King David… all the way through the Crusades and the revolutions and the civil wars." Castiel explained, setting the gun back on the wall and turning to glance over a sword that looked like it might have belonged to a fifteenth century knight.

"That's not the best way to watch humanity, Cas." Dean scoffed.

He turned to the hunter with a confused expression.

"I learned a great deal of humanity from watching the battles you took part in. Surely as a warrior yourself you can see the significance." He replied.

"Well it's no wonder you thought being human was so bad." Dean said, shaking his head as he ignored the warrior remark. "You saw humans at their worse, being told by people more powerful than them to fight others who were being told to fight by people more powerful than them. I'm surprised you ever came down to earth if that's all you saw."

Castiel shook his head.

"It's human nature, Dean. That is what I was seeing." He said.

Dean frowned at him, his eyebrows knitting together.

"No, Cas. Human nature isn't all killing and war and… blood." The hunter argued.

"Violence is a large part of every society to ever exist in history. It is what tears down empires and builds them up again. War is, perhaps, the one thing that history has never managed to eradicate." Castiel said.

"No, Cas. It's not." Dean said, standing.

"What else is there?" the former angel asked, curious to hear Dean's answer.

"Family, Cas. That's been going on a while, hasn't it?" Dean sighed, frustrated as he turned to face the wall.

"I've angered you." Cas said, realizing that Dean was taking this personally.

"You basically accused the entire human race of being monsters, Cas. I'm part of that group so… yeah, I'm kinda pissed." Dean said, his hands crossed over his chest as he faced away from him. "You're part of it now too, in case you forgot."

Cas remained silent for several long moments before standing and walking up behind Dean.

"What else is there?" he asked, making Dean jump slightly as he stood right behind his shoulder.

He knew what the answer was. Dean was passionate about defending his own race and Castiel, knowing that he was a part of it now, wanted to hear about it. He knew what there was out there other than war and violence but he wanted to hear Dean talk about it.

"There's… you know… pretty stuff. Art and crap like that." Dean shrugged.

"You don't like art very much." Cas said, frowning.

"There's different kinds of art, Cas. Music is art. These weapons… they can be art, right? Things created by humans… or whatever." He answered.

"Is the Impala art?" Cas asked.

He was rewarded with a low chuckle from deep in Dean's chest.

"You bet your ass it's art. My baby is beautiful and runs like a dream." he replied.

Cas smiled, the passion in Dean's voice stirring something within him that made his fondness of the hunter flare up. His hands moved out hesitantly and slid down Dean's sides before connecting with his hands.

"Tell me more." He murmured, laying his cheek against Dean's back and hoping that the hunter was okay with this.

Instead of tensing up as Castiel was afraid that he would, Dean relaxed back into him with a sigh and he smiled slightly.

"Well… I mean there's… feelings. Not bad ones like rage and hate though those are a part of humanity, I guess. There's good stuff. We've already talked about happiness. And mischievousness. There's… satisfaction. Pleasure…"

"Pleasure." Cas tested the word on his tongue. "What is that?"

Dean chuckled and brought Cas's hands up to his chest, letting them splay across his muscles where his shirt was the only barrier between his hands and the bare skin, Dean's jacket having been discarded a few rooms ago.

"Anything that makes you feel good, your body in particular. Pleasure can come from touching someone else or having them touch you. It can come from eating good food or a nice shower. It's pretty universal." Dean explained.

Castiel thought about it for a moment.

"I believe that I have felt that feeling though I do not think that I have experienced enough of pleasure, Dean. Will you teach me more of it?"

Dean coughed and spluttered for a moment before shaking his head.

"Damn, Cas." He sighed. "You are going to be the death of me."

"I hope not." Cas said, looking distressed at the thought as Dean turned to look at him.

"It's a phrase." The hunter said before bending down and pressing his lips softly to Cas's. "You embody it perfectly because you drive me insane."

* * *

"This is my favorite part of the tour, Dean." Castiel admitted, glancing around with wonder as his fingers trailed over the glossy spines of the books in the shelves.

Dean let out a laugh as he sat in one of the overstuffed armchairs of the library.

"I would never have guessed, Cas, by the way you're stroking those books so intimately." He said, smirking.

Cas blushed lightly and turned to read their titles. Most of them were books that were to do with the supernatural world, unsurprisingly. Castiel was a little bit disappointed. He knew that the book collection wouldn't be updated to recent books but he knew that the world held a large collection of fictional stories from authors who shaped their cultures so much in their day. Cas wanted to read those book but he knew he wouldn't find them there. Dean must have seen a flicker of disappointment over his face as he looked around.

"If there's anything you want to read that isn't here, there's a library in town. We can get you a card and everything so that you can borrow whatever books you want."

Castiel looked up at him with surprise, still taken aback by the way that Dean was able to read him so easily.

"I would like that." he nodded, walking to the center of the room where Dean was sitting in the armchair.

Dean lifted his hand to entangle in Cas's and the former angel bent down a little, lifting Dean's arm and placing a soft kiss against his pulse point. He felt the flutter of his heartbeat against his lips and smiled slightly before dropping their arms and standing.

"I am hungry." He announced.

"Seriously? We just ate." Dean said, surprised.

Castiel stared at him, not seeing the problem. Dean let out a chuckle and nodded.

"All right, we'll get something." He said.

Cas smiled and pulled him to a standing position.

"I would like something… sweet." He admitted as they walked out of the room.

Dean sighed and looked over at Cas.

"You've developed a sweet tooth already?" he asked.

Cas shrugged, not certain of what that is but trusting that Dean was most likely describing him accurately.

"I have just the thing." Dean said.

* * *

They walked into the kitchen to find it empty. Cas leaned against the counter as Dean walked to the pantry and pulled out a bright blue package of food. He walked back to Cas and placed it on the counter before raising his hand.

"These are cookies, but not just any kind of cookies. These are magnificent." He explained as he poured two glasses of milk. "Oreos can only be eaten a certain way that is right and I refuse to let you eat them any other way."

Cas nodded solemnly, taking the cup of milk from Dean and setting in on the counter in front of him. The hunter pulled the package of cookies open and gestured for Cas to take one first. He pulled one out of the middle row and held it up to his mouth suspiciously. He hesitantly took a bite and felt an explosion of flavor on his tongue. It was not, however, the fantastic flavor he was certain it would have. He pressed his lips together as he swallowed and chanced a small, fake smile at Dean, unwilling to admit that he disliked the cookie.

"It has a certain flavor to it." he admitted.

Dean looked at him strangely.

"You don't like it?" he asked, picking up on Cas's hidden tone.

"It isn't the worst thing but… I do not think that it is my favorite food." Cas said, unwilling to lie to Dean either.

Dean frowned at him and pulled his own cookie out.

"You're so strange." he commented before dipping the cookie in the milk and putting it in his mouth whole. He suddenly began sputtering as soon as he took the first bite and grabbed a napkin, spitting the cookie out into it.

"That is disgusting! What the hell?" he snapped, looking shocked and bothered.

Cas stared at him with confusion.

"Is that not how it's supposed to taste?" he questioned as Dean began pulling cookies out and smelling them.

"No, no that was…" Dean trailed off, looking as though he realized something. "That was toothpaste. Dammit Sam."

Castiel suddenly knew that the bad tasting cookie must have had something to do with the pranks between Dean and Sam. Suddenly Dean sighed with relief and held out another cookie to Cas. He took it hesitantly, even more wary of the food now.

"It's good, I promise. I smelled it." Dean said, looking frustrated that Cas's first cookie experience had toothpaste in it.

Cas took another hesitant bite and immediately found that this version of the cookie was much better. He savored the taste of the sweet icing on his tongue and pushed his lips together as he swallowed. He became aware of Dean watching him for a reaction.

"That is very good, Dean." He said, smiling.

A grin broke across Dean's face.

"See? I didn't lie to you. Now… let's eat another dipped in milk while we figure out how we're getting Sam and Gabriel back for this."

* * *

Castiel was sitting on the bed watching as Dean undressed. The hunter squirmed under his gaze but didn't say anything until he was stripped down to his boxers. He turned to meet Cas's curious gaze. The other man was in pajama pants with no shirt.

"What is it?" Dean asked, walking to the bed and clambering on it.

"It's nothing." Cas said quickly, flushing.

Dean looked at him questioningly.

"You are just… you are a beautiful human being." Cas admitted.

Dean grinned at him and pulled Cas in, kissing him lightly.

"I try." He shrugged, pulling Cas down to lie down before turning off the light.

It didn't take long for Cas to curl into Dean's side and take his hand with his thumb sweeping over his pulse point softly.

"Thank you, Dean. For everything." Cas whispered just before the hunter fell asleep holding Cas to his body.

* * *

**Just to let you know, the end of this chapter is where the first smut one-shot that I wrote comes in. Please review!**


	20. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Oh my God 300 reviews you are all amazing!**

**Thanks to JessMust7, gypsydancer529, FireChildSlytherin5, stefanswifey01, Miss Tako, Cold North, SuperAwesomePandaKitty, youdon'tunderstandineedpie, VampirePrinssess, kwayland, misha collins, and the guest for reviewing!**

**My apologies about having to skip some time. I want to write so much on this prank war but I don't want to make this story all about the pranks. It was supposed to be a passing storyline and I don't want to ruin the story by making it the main event. I have to move along with Dean and Cas's relationship. I'm sorry and I know you want to see more about it but I can't just let it take over the story.**

**I will give you some jealousy from Cas this chapter.**

**IMPORTANT: there will be another smut chapter that follows this one posted on the "All This Longing" separate story. If you want to, go and read it and tell me what you think. I will give you a hint and tell you that it mostly involves Cas on top of Dean.**

* * *

After a week, all of those involved in the prank war were ready to call a truce. All manner of pranks had been played on the others and everyone, except for Gabriel, was running out of ideas. Dean changed Sam's deodorant into cream cheese. Gabriel made Dean and Castiel's toilet into a volcano with baking soda and vinegar. Sam put pink food coloring into Dean's windshield washer fluid and Kevin and Crowley put confetti in his air vents.

Castiel, after researching, put baking soda in the ketchup bottle and made Sam fried potatoes. The younger Winchester didn't want to hurt Cas's feelings and, when he shook the ketchup and opened it, it splattered around the entire kitchen in retaliation for the toilet exploding all over Castiel and the bathroom. The final prank consisted of Gabriel causing all of their clothes to disappear, forcing the men to walk around the bunker wearing towels around their waists. That was when truce was called and the prank war ended with everyone feeling proud of their efforts to mess with everyone else.

They were planning on doing something to celebrate the end of the war when a newcomer appeared on their front step. Everyone was spread throughout the bunker when the new guest showed up. Sam was helping Crowley make all manner of muffins and brownies, which the former demon decided was his best penance for all he'd done to the other four men since he couldn't bring back the people he'd killed in their lives or take back all the mistakes he'd made. Kevin was watching a television series on Sam's computer and Dean and Cas were in the firearm training room. All manner of guns were laid out before them.

"Choose one." Dean said to Cas.

They were both in casual clothing, wearing worn down jeans and no shoes with socks. Dean had on a dark green button down shirt open to reveal a black t-shirt and Cas's dark blue shirt was buttoned with only a few unbuttoned to reveal a bit of his chest and the top of his white t-shirt. The fallen angel reached down and picked up a handgun, testing it in his hands before looking at Dean.

"This one." He decided.

Dean nodded, pointing at the target.

"Aim." He instructed.

Cas sighed, lifting the gun. They both knew that there was really no need for this instruction since Cas could probably figure it out by himself but they wanted the excuse to be close and to spend time together.

"Now… relax." Dean noticed that his shoulders were tense and he lifted his hands to smooth over them. "Breathe."

Castiel inhaled deeply, his body relaxing as he felt Dean's hands on him.

"Don't think of it as a weapon that is separate from you but rather something that's an extension of you. I've seen you handle that angel blade and you would think it was part of your arm. Treat it like that, like you were born with it, like it's natural." Dean explained, his hand drifting down Cas's arm to position his wrist and hand.

He sighed, closing his eyes and envisioning what Dean explained. The gun no longer felt as heavy in his hand. Castiel jumped slightly when Dean's arm wrapped around him, his hand splaying over his stomach. His thumb swept over his abdomen through the material of his shirts. Cas molded back into Dean's chest, relaxing even further.

"There you go." Dean murmured, encouraging him.

He lifted his hand and tilted his head to look at the target.

"Aim for the head… or the heart." The hunter explained to him.

"Head… heart." Cas repeated, nodding as he blinked away the rising heat in his body that wanted his eyes to become heavy with lust.

Dean's hand moved to his and wrapped around to keep it steady.

"Then fire." He whispered in Cas's ear.

His finger squeezed the trigger and the sound of the gun firing filled the room as they both stepped away from the kickback at the same time, their bodies moving in tandem. When Cas dropped his arm along with Dean, they both peered at the target. Cas's mouth formed a slight smile when he saw the hole directly where the heart would have been.

"The heart. Of course." Dean murmured, his hand slipping lower to push his shirt up.

Cas inhaled sharply when his fingers trailed over his hip, teasing him. Cas licked his lips and his hand shook as he set the gun down on the table. Before he could turn to push his lips against Dean's, a low whistle sounded behind them. They both turned their heads to see a redhead female leaning against the doorway to the room.

"Don't mind me." she said, grinning coyly. "I'll just…"

The woman pointed as if to walk out.

"Charlie." Dean said, moving away from Cas with a grin.

He watched as the two embraced, Dean cradling her head against his chest as the female grinned back up at him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, pulling away.

"I was in the neighborhood, wanted to drop it. You've got quite the full house here. And a lot of muffins." Charlie said, patting Dean's shoulder before her eyes moved past him to Castiel. "And a Mr. Tall, Dark, and Mysterious."

"Charlie, this is Cas… Castiel." Dean said, nodding at him.

Her grin grew bigger as her eyes lit up.

"Dreamy angel guy!" she exclaimed, looking thrilled.

Cas shifted uncomfortably.

"Not… uh… not an angel anymore, Charlie." Dean murmured in her ear.

Her face fell and she looked horrified.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"Don't worry about it." Cas interrupted her, using a phrase he heard from Dean and Sam.

She flushed anyways, moving forward.

"I'm Charlie Bradbury. Hacker… genius… LARP-er." She said, holding her hand out.

Cas took it with a slightly confused face.

"Castiel… Cas…" he said his name, unsure of what else to say as he had no idea what she said other than genius.

"I know who you are. I read about you." Charlie said, a grin on her face again.

Cas looked at Dean with confusion and he shrugged, mouthing Chuck's name at him. As soon as Charlie detached from him, she turned to Dean.

"Well I'm sorry I interrupted your… training… Dean." Her eyes were twinkling as both Dean and Cas flushed. "But I brought the good stuff for the night."

Charlie dug through her bag and pulled out three movies, showing them to Dean. His face lit up with happiness and he suddenly yanked the redhead into another hug, pressing a long kiss to her forehead.

"You are the best, Charlie Bradbury." He said, shooting her another grin before looking up at the other man.

"Come on, Cas. We've got to go get snacks and stuff to watch this." he said excitedly.

"I would rather train with the guns, Dean." Cas admitted, gesturing to what they were doing moments before.

Dean's face fell slightly.

"Cas, man these are the greatest movies. You have to watch them with us, please." He said, holding up the movies that all three read _Star Wars_.

Cas stared at them warily before catching sight of the hopeful look on Dean's face.

"All right." he sighed. "But more tomorrow."

"Of course." Dean nodded before walking with Charlie out of the room as they gushed over how amazing it would be to watch all three of the original _Star Wars_ at once.

Cas followed feeling slightly out of place as they walked back into the main room. Gabriel was somehow there and everyone was introduced before Charlie and Dean dragged them all to the television room that held couches and chairs. Gabriel snapped his fingers and lots of food appeared on the coffee table, causing Charlie's eyes to widen before everyone dug in except for Cas.

"You not gonna eat?" Dean asked as he sat on a couch between Cas and Charlie.

He shook his head, feeling sick as he saw Dean give Charlie a warm look.

"I don't have much of an appetite." He admitted.

The first movie began soon after that and Cas found that it was hard to concentrate when Dean and Charlie were so engrossed in the movie together, hissing at each other and laughing softly. Cas's hands were clasped in his lap as he pretended to watch, all the while his attention was on Dean as he flirted with the redhead. About halfway through the movie, Dean seemed to remember that Cas was there and he reached over, taking his hand. Cas looked at him with surprise and Dean smiled back, squeezing his hand.

His eyes flickered past Dean to Charlie, who'd taken note of the motion Dean made. Instead of being put off as Castiel expected, her face broke into a grin and she gave Cas two thumbs up before focusing her attention back on the movie. After that, Cas relaxed a little, leaning into Dean as the movie continued. The longer it went on, the more he slumped against Dean. The other man didn't mind, content to have Cas leaning on him.

When the next movie was put in by Sam, Cas found himself drifting off. When his eyes slid closed, he fell into slumber without realizing it, his head lying on Dean's shoulder. When he was shaken awake, he jerked up to see that Dean was looking down at him. Cas quickly took inventory of the situation, finding that he was lying across the couch with his head on Dean's lap. The hunter's hand was in his hair stroking it softly.

"The second movie is over." He said quietly, pulling Cas up to a sitting position. "Let's get you to bed."

Castiel began to complain when he saw that the room was otherwise empty and the television was turned off.

"I apologize for sleeping, Dean. I suppose I was more tired than I thought." Cas admitted as they walked towards their room.

"It's not your fault, Cas." Dean said, amused. "You were tired and that's okay. We can always watch them again, I'm willing." Dean assured him.

Cas nodded as they approached the door.

"Where is Charlie?" he questioned.

"Staying at a motel in Lebanon, which is a good thing cause we don't have much room." Dean said as they entered his room and he shut the door.

"Why didn't you go back to the motel room with her? Is that not ideal?" Cas asked.

Dean stared at him with confusion.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded.

Cas read the hint of anger in his voice and wondered if he read the situation between him and Charlie wrong.

"I observe Dean and I see the way you interact with Charlie and I think that your conversational style is what humans would call flirting but I am unsure because you seem to flirt with everyone with charming smiles and winks so I…"

Dean cut Cas off from his ranting with a finger on his lips.

"I wasn't flirting with Charlie, Cas." He said, looking slightly amused.

Castiel furrowed his brow as he became confused.

"That's… Charlie's like my sister. Would I flirt with Sam?" Dean said.

Cas made a face at that and Dean laughed, taking his hand and leading him out of the room.

"There was no flirting." Dean assured him. "Just friendly talk."

They reached the room and Dean snapped his head to Cas, realizing something.

"Wait… were you jealous?" he asked.

Cas stared back, squinting slightly as he tried to think. Dean moved forward, taking his silence for a denial as he pressed Cas against the wall.

"Well?" he said, his face moving closer to Cas.

"I… I am not sure." He stammered out as Dean's lips ghosted over his.

His heart rate picked up as Dean skimmed his lips over his jaw, his ear, his throat. When he reached his pulse point, he opened his mouth to let his teeth graze over the skin. Cas gasped and his hands flew out to clutch at Dean's shirt. Dean grinned against his throat and when he began mouthing, biting, and sucking at the skin, Cas let out a litany of noises that made arousal stir in both of their lower abdomens.

"J-jealousy…" Cas stuttered. "… is it a t-twisting feeling that is highly uncomfortable and that makes me irrationally angry?"

"Mm-hm." Dean murmured against his throat, the vibrations causing Cas to almost melt in his arms.

"Then y-yes. I daresay that I was jealous." Cas admitted, his head thrown back as he ran his fingers through Dean's hair.

Dean drew away, a grin on his face as he studied the mark he made on Cas's neck. When his eyes flickered up to Cas's, the former angel saw amusement and lust in them.

"Trust me, Cas. I am not Charlie's type and she's not mine." Dean assured him.

"Type?" Cas asked, confused.

"Yeah. My type is… dark hair." Dean explained, running his fingers through Cas's hair.

He mewled, leaning into the touch.

"Smooth skin." Dean's hand drifted down, running over his forehead and cheek.

"Blue eyes."

Cas's eyes fluttered shut as his fingertips grazed his eyelids and lashes.

"That-that describes me." he said, his voice rough and low as he spoke.

"Look at that." Dean said, leaning in to kiss Cas fully, their lips fitting together and their tongues sweeping out every once in a while.

Suddenly Dean pulled away and was grinning coyly.

"I'm gonna go take a shower."

Cas whimpered with the loss of Dean's body on his as he turned to walk into the bathroom.

"What is Charlie's type?" Castiel asked before he could disappear.

The hunter let out a laugh and turned to Cas, shaking his head.

"Girls." He said simply before disappearing into the bathroom.

* * *

Castiel was reclining on the bed waiting for Dean when he came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel around his waist. He looked surprised to see Cas still awake.

"I thought you'd be asleep by now. You were out of it during the movies. We could barely hear the lines with you snoring." He joked.

"I don't snore, Dean." Cas said, rolling his eyes as he slid out of the bed. "And you left me in a state that is very hard to sleep in."

Dean let out a chuckle as he went to the dresser to find clothes.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

He was facing away so he didn't see when Castiel came up behind him. He jumped slightly when his hand came down on his shoulder.

"When I pulled you out of hell, I had to put you back together. I remade every piece of you and I thought I would never forget your body." He said.

Dean turned, his eyebrows raised.

"Not gonna lie, that's a little creepy, Cas." He said, smirking.

His amusement cut off when he saw the hint of sadness on Cas's face.

"Cas?"

"I forgot. I can't remember the way you felt in my arms. I can't remember how I molded you back together and how your skin felt underneath my fingertips when I raised you from that place." he sighed, his hand reaching out to touch Dean's shoulder.

"Hey…" Dean put his hand on Cas's cheek, lifting his head. "I'm right here. Any time you want to remember any of that all you got to do is ask. I mean, you can't exactly mold me back together again but I'm here. You can't attack me in front of Sam or any of the others but when we're alone I don't have anything better to do. So just tell me what you want, Cas."

The fallen angel hesitated before looking up at Dean.

"I want to learn you again, Dean."

* * *

**Review please!**

**IMPORTANT: ****I don't know if you have noticed but I've posted another Destiel fic. It's a post-sacrifice one where Cas has severe PTSD, depression, anxiety and is mute. It's a darker story and it shows how Sam and Dean help him deal with it. It is going to be a long story but this story is my priority until I finish it. Please check it out I would appreciate it so much. It's called Poison & Wine for now but I'm about to change it to Kingdom Come.**


	21. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thanks to Cold North, SuperAwesomePandaKitty, stefanswifey01, FireChildSlytherin5, VampirePrinssess, gypsydancer529, JessMust7, turtle76, and the guest for reviewing!**

* * *

Sam rubbed his eyes as he stumbled through the bunker to the kitchen. He was always the first one to wake so it was his job to start the coffee. He stopped short, surprised, when he saw Charlie leaning against the counter with her own cup and a smile on her face.

"Good morning." She said cheerfully.

Sam stared at her questioningly, wondering how she got in the locked bunker before any of them were awake.

"Dean gave me the key." Charlie said, holding it out to Sam.

He nodded, walking to the coffee machine to make himself a cup.

"So…" she said, obviously wanting to talk about something.

He glanced over at her as he poured cream into his coffee.

"So?" he replied.

"Dean… and Cas." Charlie grinned as she spoke and Sam huffed out a laugh, shaking his head.

"That is a whole thing that I don't even know how to explain." He said, shaking his head.

"How long have they been sharing a room? And cuddling?" Charlie asked. "Because last time I checked Dean was in total denial about his big gay crush."

Sam turned to face her, shrugging.

"One minute Cas was in the middle of the road leaking blood and grace and the next he and Dean were inseparable. I wasn't there for the transition but I'm pretty sure it's been a long time coming." He answered.

"Of course it has. That UST has been going on for ages by now, right?"

"UST?" Sam questioned, furrowing his brow at her.

"Unresolved sexual tension. Keep up Winchester." Charlie said, grinning at him.

Sam let out another short laugh before sipping at his coffee.

"I'm pretty sure it's not so unresolved anymore." he said, putting his mug down and crossing to the fridge to pull out the eggs, bacon, and sausage to cook.

"What? Tell me!" Charlie said, looking excited.

Sam grimaced at her as he pulled out two skillets.

"I am not discussing my brother's sex life with you." he said, looking disgusted.

"Why not?" she asked, pouting slightly. "It's not like he'll fess up to it."

"Because we all heard how healthy it is last night." Crowley said, yawning as he entered the room.

Charlie gaped between them but neither of them offered up any more information.

"I need better informants." She complained as Kevin entered the room.

Her eyes went to his and widened hopefully.

"Don't look at me. I was uncomfortable enough living through it the first time." he said, shuddering.

Charlie's shoulders slumped as the sound of sizzling bacon filled the room.

"Can someone change the subject? I don't really want to talk about Dean and Cas anymore." Sam said miserably.

At that moment, Dean padded into the room with a pair of boxers on and an untied robe over them.

"What about me and Cas?"

They all looked at him, their stares ranging between disgusted and fascinated. Dean froze, staring back at them all before his cheeks tinged slightly pink.

"What?" he asked, trying and failing to sound innocent.

"We're just all wishing you'd let Cas keep sleeping after the movie so that we don't all need to invest in brain bleach." Sam muttered.

Dean let out a stuttering noise before recovering.

"Well if you're so delicate, maybe you need to invest in some earmuffs, Sammy." He shot back, walking to the coffee pot after grabbing two mugs.

He poured the dark liquid into the cups and set about fixing up the coffees, leaving his black and pouring an obscene amount of sugar and cream into the other. Then he walked to the stove and stole the eggs, bacon, and sausage that Sam made so far. He arranged the large amount of food on a plate as Sam complained that the food was meant to be his. Dean rolled his eyes and promised him salad the next time he went grocery shopping. They watched then as he grabbed two forks and placed the coffee mugs and plate on a tray to carry out of the room.

"Breakfast in bed?" Charlie said, her eyebrows raised.

"Quite right too. Castiel is a grumpy little snot in the mornings." Crowley grumbled, digging through the fridge for milk.

Kevin and Sam murmured in agreement as Charlie laughed.

"What?"

They all stared at her with questioning looks.

"Nothing I just… I feel like your situation is comedic gold. Four guys living in a bunker together, one a fallen angel and one a reformed demon with a prophet, two hunters with a few people who drop by, including an archangel whose supposed to be dead and a hacker genius whose real name you don't even know. It's like a sitcom." She informed them.

They all thought about it for a moment before exchanging looks and shrugging, not exactly in disagreement with Charlie.

* * *

Dean walked back into the room, smiling slightly at the lump under the sheets that hadn't moved an inch.

"You left." His voice was muffled by the blankets but Dean understood.

"Come on, sit up lazy. Breakfast." He said, nudging Cas as he set the tray on the other side of the bed.

There was no answer and Dean reached down, peeling back the blankets to see Cas's hair sticking up in every direction and his blue eyes peering up at Dean with a slightly annoyed look.

"I don't want food." He said petulantly.

"Yes you do." Dean sighed, reaching down to ruffle his already messy hair.

Cas sighed and nuzzled into his hand, his eyes closing. Dean shook his head, moving his hand.

"None of that, come on, Cas." He sighed, trying to push him up to a sitting position.

"No." he grumbled stubbornly.

Dean sighed heavily, thinking for a moment as he stared down at Cas. Then he swooped down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Cas immediately wound his arms around Dean's neck, pulling him closer. Dean's hands planted on the bed on each side of his torso to keep himself from falling on top of Cas. Apparently this wasn't what the former angel wanted as he let out a whining noise and attempted to pull Dean down again.

He laughed and attempted to untangle himself from Cas's grip as he drew away. He would have none of that, tightening it and even shoving the blankets aside so that he could wrap his legs around Dean's.

"What are you, a freaking monkey? Cas we gotta eat." Dean said, grinning despite trying to convey annoyance through his words.

"I would rather do this." he said in a husky, sleepy voice.

Dean shook his head.

"I've created a monster." He sighed, bending down to kiss him one more time before pulling away again. "If you eat breakfast, shower, and get dressed and all that, we'll go to the library in town today."

Cas stopped, staring at him as he considered the compromise.

"All right." he sighed, sitting up as Dean smiled triumphantly.

They sat across each other munching on their eggs, bacon, and sausage and drinking their coffee.

"What kind of books do you want to find?" Dean asked.

"I don't know. I never did much reading before. I suppose that the others will have a few suggestions for me." Cas said thoughtfully, holding out a too-soft piece of bacon to Dean while hogging the crispy pieces to himself.

"You should ask Charlie. She reads a lot and she's got good taste." Dean suggested, accepting the bite into his mouth without hesitation.

Cas looked hesitant and Dean stared at him questioningly.

"You can't still be upset over me and Charlie." He said.

"No, I am embarrassed. I am afraid I came off as cold to your friend and that I made a bad impression on her." Castiel admitted, looking down at his lap.

Dean sighed and reached across, touching his hand.

"Trust me, Charlie doesn't think bad of you at all. In fact, if we tell her that you were jealous, she'd laugh and that's it. She's too nice to have bad thoughts about anyone." Dean assured him.

He nodded, looking less afraid but still a little hesitant.

"Come on." Dean said, standing up as they finished their breakfast. "It's time for a shower and…"

He lifted Cas's chin, inspecting the fuzz on his jaw.

"… you have to shave."

Cas frowned up at him.

"Shave?" he questioned, looking almost terrified at the prospect.

"Yeah come on, I'll teach you."

Thirty minutes later, after both brushed their teeth and took showers, Dean had Cas sitting on the counter and he was in front of him holding up his electric razor.

"It's not gonna leave you with smooth, baby cheeks. That's the razor Sam uses. If you want one we can get it for you. This'll leave you with a little stubble but it won't be as much as it is now." Dean explained.

"You like stubble?" Cas asked, cocking his head to the side.

Dean nodded, smiling.

"Yeah, it's a good look for you." he said.

Cas's cheeks colored a light pink as Dean switched on the razor and began running it up his neck, jaw, and to his cheeks. The hair fell onto a towel that Cas was holding to catch it. Dean was fully concentrating on the razor until he made the mistake of looking up, finding that Cas's eyes were on him. Dean lost himself, staring into the deep blue depths that, despite the humanness of the being, held so much ancient wisdom.

They also held tender interest and affection. Dean fought to continue shaving but it became difficult as Cas held his gaze. When he was finally done, he set the razor down, pulled the towel on the counter, and took Cas's head in his hands. His cheeks were cradled in his hands. Dean ran his thumb over his chin and up to his lips.

They parted slightly at the touch and Cas's warm breath floated over his skin. His fingers continued upwards, touching the bridge of his nose, the swell of his cheeks, the smooth skin of his forehead that could easily become wrinkled as he frowned. Finally, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips, very soft and sweet, before pulling away.

"C'mon, let's get dressed and round up the gang so we can head to the library."

Cas nodded, taking Dean's hand and following him into the bedroom. They dressed silently, throwing each other smiles when their eyes met. Dean dressed in his usual, down to the jacket pulled over his shirts. Cas pulled on a pair of dark jeans, boots, a dark grey shirt, and his leather jacket. Dean sighed, shaking his head as he fought the urge to drag the other man back into the bedroom to show him how much he loved that outfit by taking it off.

They walked into the main room to find everyone dressed and sitting around chatting. Gabriel was nowhere to be seen but that didn't mean he wouldn't randomly pop in when he chose to. They all looked up at them when they entered, their knowing looks bringing a blush up to Cas's cheeks as Dean shrugged it off.

"We're going to the library in town. Anyone else want to come?"

Everyone jumped up, relieved to get out of the bunker for a few hours. They walked out and piled into cars. Dean and Cas were left alone in their car, no one wanting to be around their so-called 'sickening cuteness'. Crowley, Kevin, and Sam all rode with Charlie. Cas and Dean didn't mind, caught in their own bubble as they rode into town and Dean showed him the wonders of Smoke on the Water, which Cas recognized as his ringtone.

When they arrived at the library, they all walked inside and saw that it wasn't very crowded. Cas was already staring at the books with a need-filled look but first Dean dragged him over to the desk. Everyone followed, knowing the rules when it came to libraries.

"We're going to need some library cards." Dean said to the older lady that was working at the desk.

She peered over her glasses that sat on her nose at them.

"All of you?" she asked.

"Not me." Charlie said, shaking her head.

She sighed, pulling out index cards with blank spaces for their basic information. Sam, Kevin, and Crowley began filling them out but Cas stared down at his questioningly. Dean murmured the answers in his ear, using their P.O. box at the Lebanon Post Office as their address. When it came to his name, Castiel had no idea what to put as his last name and Dean suggested 'Novak' after Jimmy's name.

Cas considered it, deciding that it wasn't right before looking down at the paper and scribbling something out that Dean didn't see. The librarian came to his last as the others wandered off with their laminated cards. Charlie remained behind with Dean and Cas, observing them with a smile on her face.

"Castiel Winchester?" she said.

Dean's head snapped to his with wide eyes as Castiel nodded.

"Yes ma'am. Castiel Winchester." He repeated.

She began putting the information in a computer and Dean took his hand. Cas turned to see him smiling with his eyes lit up with happiness. The look on his face made a grin break out onto Cas's as he squeezed Dean's hand gently.

"Aw." Charlie let out softly, looking thrilled at their exchange.

Cas took the card when she handed it to him, staring at it with wonder as he saw his name printed on it.

"You ready to go look?" Dean asked, gesturing to the wide expanse of the library all filled with books.

"Nuh uh. I am the expert on this stuff, I'll show him around." Charlie cut in, grabbing Cas's arm.

He stared back at Dean, who shrugged helplessly. Charlie took him right to the classics section of the library. Whatever worries Cas had about their interaction disappeared when she began pointing out books left and right for him to read, sometimes pulling them out and shoving them into his arms. By the time she was finished, he had seven books weighing down his arms and she had a satisfied look on her face.

"Now Dean might tell you that movies and television shows and Vonnegut are the only way to introduce yourself into culture and while that's important, Tolkien and Rowling are the two authors that you have got to read. You are going to love Hermione, trust me." Charlie said excitedly, leading him to a table.

"I am willing to read whatever Dean likes as well." Castiel offered, setting the books down as she pulled him down to sit.

"Of course you are. Now we have to talk." Charlie said, leaning forward with a squinting look.

Cas looked afraid again, wondering if she would become angry with him.

"Were you really jealous of me and Dean? I mean, seriously?" she asked, suddenly smiling teasingly.

"Did… did he tell you?" Cas stammered, looking panicked.

"No, he didn't have to. You were practically radiating the little green monster all night." Charlie said, laughing.

"I thought… I didn't know…" Cas tried to find a way to explain himself but Charlie put her hand on his upper arm.

"It's all right, Cas. I think it's funny. But trust me, whether I liked boys or girls or both, there is no way that I would ever want to get in between love." she said as she moved to stand.

Cas stared up at her, his eyes wide for a whole different reason.

"Love?" he questioned, the word sounding foreign on his lips.

This was not one of the emotions he'd spoken of with Dean. Charlie looked back at him with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, I mean anyone can see…" she trailed off, realization dawning on her face. "Oh you haven't… oh."

The redhead looked guilty for a moment, glancing over to where Dean was showing Sam the few Vonnegut books he decided to grab.

"Come on, Cas." Charlie said, changing the subject. "Let's get you checked out with those books so you can start reading them."

* * *

"Figures you would be a bookworm." Dean commented as they walked into the kitchen.

Dean was making dinner for everyone before they watched the last Star Wars movie. He decided to make steaks and mashed potatoes with salad for Sam and whoever else chose to eat it.

"This is a very interesting piece of literature, Dean." Cas informed him, sliding up to sit on a counter without taking his eyes off of the words on the book.

"Yeah I'm sure it is." Dean said, rolling his eyes as he set out the ingredients.

There was a few minutes of silence as he cut the fat off of the steaks before he sighed and set them down, turning to Cas.

"If you're going to read, the least you can do is read out loud so that I don't have to sit here in silence watching you."

Cas looked up at him with surprise.

"You should be watching what you're doing. That knife looks rather sharp." He said, nodding at the cutting instrument in Dean's hand.

Then his eyes dropped down to his book once again and Dean sighed heavily.

"'I am so sorry to keep you waiting!' he was going to say, when he saw that it was not Gandalf at all. It was a dwarf with a blue beard tucked into a golden belt, and very bright eyes under his dark-green hood. As soon as the door was opened, he pushed inside, just as if he had been expected.

He hung his hooded cloak on the nearest peg, and 'Dwalin at your service!' he said with a low bow.

'Bilbo Baggins at yours!' said the hobbit, too surprised to ask any questions for the moment. When the silence that followed had become uncomfortable, he added: 'I am just about to take tea; pray come and have some with me.' A little stiff perhaps, but he meant it kindly. And what would you do, if an uninvited dwarf came and hung his things up in your hall without a word of explanation?"

Dean smiled as Castiel's deep voice filled the kitchen and he set about making dinner while his fallen angel read to him.

* * *

**Review please! And if there's anything you want to see, please let me know. There are only going to be about five to ten more chapters in this story so that I can focus on my other Destiel one. Don't worry, it'll have a nice ending, I promise.**


	22. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Okay so let me settle this so that you know, I brought Gabriel in for Cas. I don't intend on him having a relationship with Sam. I don't even intend on him having a stronger bond with Sam. He'll be 'friends' (as much as he can be) with both Winchesters equally but he's really in the story for Cas and you'll see what I mean in the next few chapters. I just really like writing Gabriel so there's a good chance he's going to at least make somewhat of an appearance in all of my Supernatural stories.**

**Just a warning, there is angst in this chapter. Cas and Dean get in a fight that has repercussions for the next few chapters. Sorry but it had to happen or the whole relationship part of it wouldn't be believable if it's too easy.**

**And this has a little time leap but it's important for you to know that they have not had full on penetration sex. Now that that awkward part is over, let's get to the story.**

* * *

It took almost a month for the good times to sour. There was another twenty-eight days of movie nights, reading books, and general lazing around before Sam and Dean sat everyone down. Even Charlie was there since she decided to stick around for a while after figuring out the males were better off with a female influence.

"What's going on?" Kevin asked, peering between them.

"As much as I hate to admit this, we are not productive members of society at this point in time." Dean said as Sam nodded with agreement.

"That's your complaint?" Crowley asked, raising his eyebrows.

"We're not used to sitting around with our thumbs up our asses." Sam sighed.

"Is this a bad thing?" Cas asked, squinting at them.

"Yeah, Cas. We need to get out and do something and so do you before we all get cabin fever." Dean explained.

He stared at Dean and the hunter stared right back.

"Are you going to continue hunting?" he asked.

Dean and Sam exchanged a look before looking back at him.

"We can't just stop. It's kind of our job and we think we're going to tell Garth to put us back on his call list." Dean informed him.

Cas nodded.

"I would like to do it with you." he announced without hesitation.

"What? Hunt?" Dean asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yes."

Dean let out a short laugh, shaking his head.

"Cas, you're not… you can't." he said simply.

Castiel's eyes narrowed at the challenge.

"What do you mean?" he demanded.

"I mean that you aren't ready for anything like that. You still get sore in your shoulders, you aren't quite at hunting level with weapons, and we haven't even tried fight training yet. That's all pretty much required for a hunter." Dean replied.

"Dean maybe we can…" Sam began.

"I didn't become a toddler when I fell, Dean. I still remember how to fight and I've done plenty of gun training with you in the past month. I've hit the target with every firearm you've given me." Cas argued, cutting the younger Winchester off.

"It's still not a good idea yet." Dean said decidedly.

Everyone watched, quiet, as the two stared at each other.

"Since when is this your decision? Can I not make decisions for myself?" Cas said, his frustration level rising.

"Sure, Cas. You can decide what books you read and what food you eat. You can decide what you wear and hell you can even decide to go find a normal, human job. What you can't decide is to join us on hunting when your inexperience as a human could get us all killed." Dean fired back, the words spilling out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Dean!" Sam said, shocked at his lack of restraint.

Even Dean looked surprised by the words that came out of his mouth but the fallen angel didn't care for the apology he was about to utter. Castiel stood, his chair clattering backwards as he did so.

"You do not get to tell me what I can't do, Dean! I am not a child nor am I your servant! Sam and the others might allow you to make decisions for them but I am certainly not saddled by the obligation to do so!" he snapped, his voice rising as he did so. "I am an angel of the Lord and I have lived for millennia without you there to push me in the right direction!"

"Were." Dean said without thinking.

Cas stared at him, his eyes widening as he immediately understood the meaning of the one word that Dean spoke. The rest of the people took a moment to realize what he said and, when they did, they all stared at him with horror and disgust.

"What?" Cas said, wanting to make sure that he fully understood by the word.

Dean sighed, wishing he could take the word back.

"Cas I didn't mean it… I'm sor…" he sighed as he stood, cutting off when Cas opened his mouth.

"No! You don't get to back out of it! Say it, Dean! Say what you meant!"

"You were an angel of the Lord! Now you're a human just like the rest of us mortals! No more millennia for you!" Dean snapped in an equally raised voice.

"Dean stop it!" Sam said, standing as well and putting a restraining hand on his brother's chest.

But the damage was done. Castiel stared at him with fury and hurt mixed in. Then he was gone, stomping his way out of the room.

"Cas!" Dean said, moving to follow him.

"If I were I you, I would leave him be. Castiel needs time to steam." Crowley said, stopping Dean in his tracks.

Dean glared over at him, his fists clenching.

"Then it's a damn good thing you aren't me." he growled, pushing past Sam to hurry out of the room after his furious fallen angel.

He searched around, looking in their bedroom and bathroom first before peeking in the other bedrooms, the storage rooms, and any other room he could find. Cas was nowhere to be seen and Dean suddenly knew where he was. He walked to the library and found it locked when he tried to open it.

"Cas!" He called, knocking on it.

There was no answer but he knew that the other man was in there.

"Cas, come on." he sighed, leaning his head against the door. "I'm sorry. I really am. Please open the door so we can talk."

"No." his muffled voice answered.

Dean groaned, putting his hand on the door before pushing back.

"I'm not leaving until you come out."

"Then you'll be there for a very long time. I would make yourself comfortable." Castiel fired back.

Dean sighed heavily and turned, leaning against the wall of the hallway. He slid down it after a moment and put his elbows on his knees.

"Are you reading?" there was no answer.

"I'm guessing you're reading. If you're gonna read, the least you can do is read out loud. I'm bored already."

Still no answer and Dean sighed, dropping his head down onto his arm.

"Fine." He jumped up and jogged down the hallway.

He returned quickly, sliding down to the spot on the floor again, opening the book he was holding.

"All this happened, more or less. The war parts, anyway, are pretty much true. One guy I knew really was shot in Dresden for taking a teapot that wasn't his. Another guy I knew really did threaten to have his personal enemies killed by hired gunmen after the war. And so on. I've changed all the names.

I really did go back to Dresden with Guggenheim money (God love it) in 1967. It looked a lot like Dayton, Ohio, more open spaces than Dayton has. There must be tons of human bone meal in the ground."

His dramatic reading of _Slaughterhouse Five_ went on for a while, fifteen minutes of talking before the door ripped open.

"So I held up my right hand and I made her a promise: 'Mary,' I said, 'I don't think this book of mine is ever going to be finished. I must have written five thousand pages by now, and thrown them all away. If I ever do finish it, though, I give you my word of honor: there won't be a part for Frank Sinatra or John Wayne.'" Dean finished before looking up at Cas hovering in the doorway, a dark expression on his face.

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Reading. You wouldn't read to me so I had to do it. I'm not sure I'm as good as you. Any tips?" Dean asked.

Castiel stared down at him, unamused by his attempts to lighten the situation. Dean sighed before pushing himself off of the floor.

"Cas, I'm sorry. It was…"

Suddenly he was shoved backwards as Castiel got in his personal space, his blue eyes filled with fury and hurt.

"It was what, Dean? It was inappropriate of you? It was hurtful of you?" he snapped, continuously shoving him down the hallway.

Dean stumbled back without stopping him, knowing that he deserved Cas's anger after what he said.

"Yeah, it was." he admitted, backing away from Cas.

The once angel continued stomping forward, not done taking his anger out.

"I don't have to be a human, Dean! I can easily become an angel again! I chose this life, to be human, for you! Because I wanted to live it fully with you!"

By the time he finished shouting, they were nearing the door to their bedroom.

"I know, Cas." Dean said.

The other man shoved him through the door before slamming it shut.

"Stop underestimating me!" he growled, moving into Dean's space once again.

Dean took the chance to look at Cas, really look at him. His hair was messy and his gaze was filled with righteous fury. For the first time in a long time, he looked exactly as he did when he smashed his way into that barn and claimed that he raised Dean from perdition. Dean couldn't help it as he reached out, blocking another shove before he wrapped one arm around his waist and the other hand around his neck. Cas opened his mouth to protest but Dean swallowed the words as he shoved his lips against the other man's mouth.

The former angel froze up for a moment before his hands fisted in Dean's shirt and turned them around, shoving Dean against the wall. He grunted when his head hit it but instantly recovered when Cas began kissing him with fervor. His mouth opened instantly and traced Dean's lips, causing them to part automatically. His tongue slipped into his mouth and began exploring his mouth, tracing his teeth and stroking his tongue. When he drew away, Dean tried to chase his lips for more kissing but Cas shoved him backwards, narrowing his eyes at him.

"I am still angry with you." he said, his hands clenching Dean's shirt.

"I know." The other man breathed, his chest heaving and blowing air out of his swollen lips.

Dean reached out and toyed with the hem of Cas's shirt before lifting it over his head as the fallen angel lifted his arms to accommodate the action. The hunter glanced up at him, looking contrite before he slowly pushed him back towards the bed, the apology still clear in his eyes as Castiel fell onto his back. Dean looked at him hungrily before climbing up his body to kiss him thoroughly.

**(This is where the next smut piece will begin. It hasn't been written yet so keep an eye out for it)**

* * *

When they came out a long while later, everyone was busying themselves. They all glanced up when they entered the main room, taking their ruffled appearances and relaxed forms as evidence that they resolved their argument.

"Lunch?" Sam asked, gesturing to a plate of sandwiches he made for everyone.

"We still haven't finished talking about what we're all going to do." Dean said as he picked up a sandwich and handed it to Cas.

They exchanged a look and a smile played on both of their lips when their fingers touched.

"We actually talked about it more." Sam said, watching as they sat down and ate their sandwiches.

"What did you come up with?" Dean asked with a full mouth.

His brother gave him a disgusted look before rolling his eyes.

"I don't know how you can put up with him, Cas. I mean, I'm his brother, I have to. But he's just… ugh… sometimes." Sam said, shuddering at Dean's horrible manners.

"He has a very talented tongue." Cas said in a deadpan voice, making Dean choke on the bite he was swallowing as everyone else looked at them with wide eyes.

"Oh God! Cas I did not want to know that!" Sam cried, shaking his head as Castiel casually thumped Dean's back to help him regain the ability to breathe.

"Oh like you didn't already know. They aren't exactly quiet about their adoration of each other's bodies." Crowley commented, rolling his eyes.

"We're not that loud!" Dean exclaimed, looking slightly horrified as Cas smirked.

"Oh please, Dean. Why do you think we've all invested in earplugs at night?" Sam said, shaking his head as he sat, pointedly looking away from them.

"Okay! That's enough! What did you talk about?" Dean asked, flushing as Cas rubbed his knee comfortingly.

Everyone took a moment to collect themselves.

"Kevin wants to go back to college." Sam announced.

They all looked at the prophet who nodded along with the younger Winchester's words.

"I decided that it's probably a good idea. I didn't graduate high school but I can get my GED. Then I can apply to Kansas State. It's only about an hour and a half away from here." He said.

"That sounds good." Dean said.

"I did what we talked about and offered for Crowley to leave and go start his own life. But… well you tell them." Sam said, gesturing to the former demon.

"I need to pay penance. What better way to do that than to help the Winchesters in whatever I can considering you are the most affected by my horrid actions?" he shrugged.

"Honestly, you can go live your life. I give you permission." Dean said, not sure if he wanted Crowley hanging around for the rest of their lives.

"Dean." Sam hissed, shooting him a bitchface.

He sighed heavily and rubbed his forehead.

"What were you thinking?" he asked.

"Well a lot of these books that you have around here are in different languages that I am almost positive you two don't speak. I just thought that maybe I… with Castiel's help… could translate them for you. That's a good start, isn't it? And they might come in handy." Crowley offered.

Dean looked at Cas, who shrugged and swallowed his last bite.

"I would not be unwilling to work with Crowley on translating the texts." He decided.

"Great." Sam said, grinning.

Dean looked at Charlie.

"What about you?" he asked.

"Oh I'm not sticking around for much longer. There's a convention in Vancouver next weekend that I'm going to. I might drop in every once in a while. Or if you need help you can call me." she shrugged.

Dean and Sam nodded. Castiel stood, deciding that a bottle of water would be good after eating the sandwich. As he headed towards the kitchen, his foot, that was only covered by a sock, caught on the table and his small toe rammed into the leg. He let out a shout of pain as tears prickled his eyes and he lifted his foot off of the ground. His toe throbbed as he collapsed into a chair.

"Cas?" Dean asked with concern, standing up to rush over to him.

Words began falling out of Cas's mouth that didn't make sense to anyone there except for Crowley, who seemed to be following along perfectly. He pulled his sock off to reveal that the nail of his little ripped off and blood was seeping out of the wound.

"What is that?" Charlie asked as Cas continued spitting out the strange language and Dean ran off to get a first-aid kit.

Sam shrugged but Crowley glanced over his shoulder.

"Enochian. He's cursing the table and the very tree it came from. And… oh…" the former demon looked shocked. "I knew that word existed in the language but I never expected to hear it spoken."

"What word?" Kevin, Charlie, and Sam asked at once as Dean re-entered the room and fell to his knees to tend to Cas's wound.

Crowley gave them a look that told them everything they needed to know. Castiel watched as Dean cleaned up the wound and wrapped a bandage around it.

"You gonna be okay?" he asked, glancing up at Cas.

"I'll be fine, Dean. It's a superficial wound that happens to bring a lot more pain than it should." Cas said, glaring at the table leg before focusing his attention on the hunter.

"Yeah, don't worry, Cas. We all curse out loud when we stub our toes." Dean said with a smile as he stood.

He bent down and put his hands on Cas's cheeks before pressing a kiss to his disgruntled pout. Everyone else, except for Charlie, groaned and looked away. Cas's hands came up and wound around Dean's wrists to keep him there as he kissed him back eagerly to distract himself from the throbbing pain in his foot.

"Let's go to the library, Cas." Dean murmured as he pulled away. "Do you need me to carry you?"

The last question was said with a smirk and Cas glared up at him.

"I am capable of walking, Dean." He fired back, pushing himself up to his feet.

Dean laughed and took his hand, leading him out of the room as he limped.

"I can always carry you, Cas. You know that." he said as they walked down the hallway.

"I know, Dean." Cas sighed, leaning into him slightly.

Dean smiled and put his arm around his shoulders.

* * *

**I would like to say that Dean has learned his lesson but we all know how stubborn he is. Review please!**


	23. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thanks to LilyJamesShipper, Miss Tako, SuperAwesomePandaKitty, TrulyMetalwings, Cold North, kwayland, JessMust7, FireChildSlytherin5, Ravensoul, gypsydancer529, jdluvva, theconsultingtardisbananaangel, stefanswifey01, youdon'tunderstandineedpie, VampirePrinssess, and the guest for reviewing!**

**Warning: Dean screws up… bad. Then Cas kinda screws up too because he doesn't know how to react to Dean's screw up. But just keep in mind that all of my stories have a happy ending and that there has to be conflict or it's not believable! You might all hate me after this and I've resigned myself to it.**

* * *

"I don't understand why we're here, Dean." Cas said, glancing around the yard of broken down automobiles.

Dean took his hand, leading him away from the frame of an old Ford truck.

"Kevin is going to be going off to college and he can't just do that without a car. This place is abandoned and it has plenty of parts." He explained.

"You're going to build Kevin a car?" Castiel asked, looking over at Dean with an impressed look.

Dean flushed lightly.

"No, we're going to. I'm gonna teach you." Dean said, smiling over at him to get the attention off of his good deed.

Cas smiled back after a moment.

"You are a very good man, Dean. I don't think you hear that enough." he said, making Dean blush more.

"All right, all right. No more sappy. Help me pick one out that at least looks halfway decent." He said, looking around at the cars.

They walked around for a while until Castiel noticed one that didn't look as broken down as the others.

"What about that one?" he questioned, pointing at it.

Dean looked at it and studied it for a moment before pulling Cas closer to inspect it.

"I think it's a '65 Chevelle… Malibu Coupe." He said, walking around the red car for a few moments before lifting the hood. "It'll need a lot more work on the engine than it'll need on the body."

"Is that good?" Cas asked, clueless about the whole thing.

"It depends on how you look at it. Personally, I like working on the engine a hell of a lot more so it's good for me, but other people like doing body work. I wanna keep this a surprise for Kevin. I wonder if there's a place we can keep it so he won't see it without leaving it here for anyone else to find. This is a really good find and I'm shocked that you managed to find it because it should have been taken a long time ago." Dean sighed, leaning on the car.

"Perhaps a storage facility." Cas suggested, remembering that those existed from when Bobby used to talk about the several ones that he owned.

Dean glanced up at Cas and sighed.

"That costs a lot of money that we don't have. I can maybe just… keep it under a tarp. Make it so no one else can look at it. Think you can keep it a secret? Make sure that no one knows who it's for?"

Castiel nodded, eager to help Dean with the gift for Kevin after all the prophet went through for their sakes.

"Good." Dean said with a grin, looking happy to help Kevin out after the young man's difficult few years since he met them.

* * *

Getting it over to the bunker hadn't been too difficult. Dean was able to rent a trailer for an hour to get it over there and he parked it outside with a tarp over it and strict instructions to everyone else that they couldn't look at it. Then he dragged Cas out, both of them in t-shirts and jeans, to begin a preliminary search of the car so that Dean could figure out what they needed. As he checked over everything, he pointed out different stuff to Cas in the engine. They were both ducked under the hood as Dean explained the purpose of the different parts.

Cas followed along perfectly, content to listen to Dean explain the subject that he was passionate about. Eventually, Dean drew away and sighed, wiping at his dripping forehead. It was hot outside. Even Cas could feel an uncomfortable sheen of sweat over his skin underneath his shirt and jeans. Dean tolerated it for a few more minutes before groaning and yanking his shirt over his head. Cas looked on with wide eyes as he dabbed the shirt at his face and threw it across his neck before leaning over the engine once more.

This time, Castiel wasn't paying attention to a word Dean said. His eyes were captured by Dean's strong arms, his smooth back, and the muscles rolling underneath the glistening skin as Dean moved to point out different parts of the car. His hands itched to reach out and run his hands over the expanse of skin. The hunter realized that his audience was no longer attentive when he paused to see if Cas had any questions. He glanced over to see the other man staring hungrily at his bare torso. Dean smirked and straightened up, his movements finally snapping Cas out of his trance. He looked away, a pink tinge filling his cheeks at being caught. The hunter laughed, pulling Cas around to look at him.

"You get a little distracted there?" he asked, stepping in close.

Cas nodded, swallowing hard as his eyes drifted down Dean's torso and back up to his eyes. Dean leaned in, uncaring of the sweaty mess he was, as he pressed his lips to Cas's. They were slightly salty from the taste of the perspiration. Dean's tongue slid between them, diving into the warm cavern of Cas's mouth. The other man responded to him instantly, his hands going to Dean's back and pulling him in close. Dean suddenly felt Cas's teeth nipping at his tongue and the other man's tongues stroking the roof of his mouth. He practically melted in Cas's arms and suddenly their feet were moving. Dean hissed, arching his back away from the car once Cas pushed him against it. Castiel looked at him apologetically, not understanding what he'd done to warrant the sudden reaction to pain.

"It's hot." Dean explained, gesturing back to the metal of the car that was sitting under the hot sun.

Cas understood now, quickly flipping them around so that he was leaning back against the car. Dean didn't get out of the Cas-dominated nature of the kiss that easily, yanked back in. Cas coaxed his lips apart and began sucking lightly on his tongue. Dean gasped when he pulled Dean in and molded him into his arms, one of his legs nudging Dean's legs apart. His thigh came in contact with Dean's rapidly tightening zipper area and Dean groaned, letting his head fall to Cas's shoulder.

"I don't think Kevin would forgive if he founds out we did this against his car." He said breathlessly.

Cas let out a rumbling laugh before pulling away and giving Dean a heated look complete with dark blue eyes and swollen, shiny red lips. The hunter let out a wrecked groan as he began kissing down his torso, sliding down to his knees.

"What Kevin doesn't know, won't hurt him." Cas said, his voice rough with desire.

Dean couldn't argue with that. If anything else, the fallen angel learned this part of being human rather quickly and he had just as much of a hunger for it as Dean did, luckily for him.

**(Yes, my friends, there will be a smut scene for this… I think I've become addicted to writing them and I blame it on all of you for voting for it. Keep an eye out, lovely readers.)**

* * *

Once Dean finally managed to get the preliminary once-over done, the two men went back into the bunker with matching satisfied looks that did not escape the notice of the others.

"Is that why you didn't want us to come out? Dude, you didn't have to threaten us if you didn't want us to walk in on that. All you had to do was say something. And really, Dean? Outside?" Sam said, looking disgusted as he shook his head.

Cas simply smiled shyly over at Dean, who didn't look ashamed at all.

"Shut up, bitch." Dean said, his voice too happy to really push the necessary insulting tone into the word as he walked by his brother and ruffled his hair.

Sam swatted him away as Dean laughed and pulled Cas back to the bedroom so that they could freshen up since they both smelled sweaty.

"Jerk!" Sam called after him, causing Dean's laughter to grow louder and even a small smile to form on Sam's face.

Cas was in the shower while Dean sat on the bed waiting for him to get out. The sound of his ringtone filled the air and Dean picked it up, glancing down at the caller ID and immediately answering it once he saw the name.

"Hey Garth." He answered.

"Dean! Oh I was so thrilled to learn that you and Sam wanted to get back into hunting. Trust me, we've missed you. I found a case for you that isn't too far away. Just about a half a day's drive." The other hunter said happily.

"Yeah? What is it?" Dean questioned.

"A shapeshifter posing as a law enforcement officer at work and at home. His eyes were caught on a video and noticed by a security guard who's come across hunters and a shapeshifter case before. He's not a hunter so we need someone to go take care of it." Garth explained.

"Sounds good. But this case… it's barely a two person job, right?" Dean asked.

"Oh you could do it all by yourself if you wanted to, Dean. It'll be as easy as locating the guy and ganking him. But I recommend taking Sam with you just in case. It's just good precaution." Garth said seriously.

"Yeah, yeah I will. I just want to make sure it's gonna be an easy case. It'll make it easier to convince… nevermind. Thanks for this, Garth. Email Sam the details, would you?" he sighed

"I'm on it. Good luck, Dean. Let me know when you get done and I'll see if I can find another case for you." the hunter said, sounding chipper once again.

"Will do, Garth. Thanks again." Dean said before hanging up and staring at the bathroom door, wondering what to say to the fallen angel that wouldn't piss him off too much.

* * *

"Cas is all right with this?" Sam asked as he helped Dean carry the food out of the kitchen and to the other room.

"Yeah, he agrees that it's open and shut and that we won't need him on this. It won't be a big deal." Dean shrugged, feeling bad lying to his brother.

So he was being a coward, it was all right as long as he was protecting Cas, right? He'd already admitted that he couldn't lose Cas again and he intended on making sure that didn't happen. He knew that Cas would be mad at him as well as Sam when they found out what his plan was but he would deal with that later and he had faith that it would be all right once Cas realized that he didn't have to hunt to feel needed. Right now, he was going to enjoy a meal with the people around him before he and Sam left for the hunt early the next morning.

When they sat down at the table with the ingredients for hot dogs as well as baked beans, strawberry rhubarb pie thanks to Crowley and beer, everyone dug in quickly. Dean helped instruct Cas in how to make his hot dog, letting the other man try his first before deciding on what he wanted to put on his own. The hunter grinned when Castiel made his the exact same and dug in with eagerness to eat the food. For that evening, the men gathered in the bunker looked like a very strange, very dysfunctional yet happy family. Little did they know, it would be the last time any of them would feel that way for a long time.

* * *

When four-thirty in the morning rolled around, Dean carefully slid out from underneath Cas's arm. He quickly and silently dressed before pulling the bag he packed out from underneath the bed where he put it earlier when he packed while Cas was in the shower. He took a moment, writing a quick note to Cas to place on his pillow so that the other man wouldn't worry. Then he snuck out of the room, ensuring that he didn't wake Castiel up and succeeding in his efforts. When he made it to the main room, Sam was waiting with a thermos of coffee and leftover blueberry muffins for the road.

"Back in the game." Dean said, smirking at Sam as they walked out of the batcave.

Sam grinned back, shaking his head.

"Back in the game." He agreed, pulling the door shut.

When they climbed in the car, Dean immediately put on Zeppelin as Sam rolled his eyes. Yet they both felt strangely lighter than they had in months as they took off away from the bunker, not knowing that everything would be different when they returned.

* * *

When Castiel's eyes fluttered open, the first thing he knew was that he was in bed alone. It was too cold for there to be another body lying beside his. His hand searched the other side of the bed uselessly. When it came in contact with a piece of paper lying on the other pillow, Cas sat up and rubbed his eyes before picking it up with confusion.

_Cas,_

_Sorry I have to say this in a note but we had to leave in a hurry. Sam and I ran out on a hunt. I know you wanted to come but I thought it best if you sat this one out since you're still getting used to stuff. I know we talked about this but I want to make sure you're ready before you come so no one gets put in danger. We should be back in a day or two and then you can be as pissed at me as you want to be. _

_I'll take you to the library as many times as you want when I get back, if that'll make you happy. I'm sorry, Cas. I know this is a dick move but I couldn't take any risks, not when Sammy and I are just now getting back into the swing of things. You can join on the next one or maybe even on the one after that. Maybe you can start translating those books with Crowley while we're gone. Knowing you two, you can get a good chunk of it done. Sorry again._

_See you soon,_

_Dean_

Castiel read the note several times, his heart pounding in his chest as he did so. Each time, he felt his fury, humiliation, and devastation rising. Angry tears sprung to his eyes as he began ripping the paper to shreds. He threw himself out of the bed, throwing them into the trashcan before darting to the closet. His head was whirling with furious thoughts as he yanked his clothes out and began throwing them on the bed.

He grabbed an empty duffle bag that Dean left behind and shoved them all into it without care for whether they were wrinkling or not. Then he grabbed socks and boxers, making sure to grab the roll of socks with the money he'd been saving up that Dean ensured he had just in case of emergencies. He had enough to get through a few days, he thought. When he finished packing it all up, he changed clothes and then heaved the bag on his shoulder. When he got to the door, he realized that he'd been silently crying the entire time he packed.

Cas glanced back at the undone bed and clenched his jaw, wiping his tears away before steeling himself and walking away. It was still early in the morning so Crowley and Kevin weren't awake yet. As he walked through the main room, he saw a note on the dining room table that was more general than the one Dean left him.

_Hey guys,_

_We went on a hunt. We'll be back in a couple of days. There's plenty of food and if you need anything from town, try calling Gabriel to zap you over there. He won't be doing anything better with his time, trust me._

_Dean_

Castiel walked past it, leaving it as he approached the door. When he walked out and closed it, he hurried up the stairs and began walking down the road towards Lebanon, unsure of exactly where he was going. As he walked, he heard a noise behind him and stopped suddenly, turning to see Gabriel standing behind him with a questioning look, his eyebrow raised.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, wondering how the archangel knew where he was.

"You were calling out for me." Gabriel said, moving towards him.

"No, I wasn't." Castiel argued.

"You were, maybe not consciously but you were. What's going on, bro? Because I can tell you are… distraught."

Cas sighed, turning away from Gabriel as he wondered whether to tell his brother to fly away or to tell him the truth about what happened. It took him only a few moments to decide on the latter and he launched into what happened as soon as he woke up that morning. A flicker of anger and annoyance went across Gabriel's face and he sighed, rolling his eyes.

"There's no need to walk to town, Castiel. I'll take you someplace and get you set up." He said.

"Set up where?" he asked, staring at his brother warily.

"Where Dean won't find you until you want him to, all right?"

Cas hesitated before nodding once, closing his eyes and allowing the archangel to zap him away.

* * *

Two days later, Dean and Sam walked into the bunker in high spirits. They were both happy to have a simple case that didn't involve tablets, rituals, demons, or angels. They immediately spotted Crowley and Kevin sitting at the table. Crowley was busy translating a Gaelic book into English and Kevin was setting up a game of chess for them to play since he was bored.

"Hey." Dean said, hopping down the steps and throwing his bag down as he glanced around.

"Where's Cas? In the library with his nose shoved in a book?"

Kevin and Crowley looked at him with confused looks.

"What are you talking about?" Kevin asked.

Dean looked at Sam, who shrugged, before glancing back at the other two.

"Cas? You know, Castiel? About yea high… fallen angel… messy dark hair…"

"We know who you're talking about. We thought he went with you. We haven't seen him since you left." Crowley informed them.

Suddenly Dean's heart sank and just like that his good mood was gone. He didn't spare the others another look, tearing back to the bedroom he shared with Cas. The blankets were messy on the bed. Dean ripped the closet doors open and let out a choking noise when he saw that half of it was empty and his other duffle bag was empty.

"Cas... no." he whispered, refusing to believe that his lover was gone.

"Dean…" Sam was standing at the doorway. "What did you do?"

The older brother looked at his younger brother with a devastated expression. Sam watched as he stumbled back to the bed and sank onto it. He leaned over as his elbows balanced on his knees and his hands slid into his hair, pulling at it painfully.

"I messed up, Sam." he whispered, realizing the weight of what he'd done.

* * *

**Please don't kill me! I know it's bad now but it will get better… eventually.**

**Let me know what you think without threatening my very existence, please!**


	24. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thanks to SuperAwesomePandaKitty, JessMust7, FireChildSlytherin5, The Mysterious Shadow, stefanswifey01, VampirePrinssess, Cold North, latest-blooming-sakura-blossom, Isa-Just-Me, LilyJamesShipper, gypsydancer529, SecretlyBadass, and the guest for reviewing! **

**Okay so I'm not incredibly proud of this chapter. I am terrible at writing "in between the fight and the make-up" chapters. So that's why I'm kind of hurrying through their separation. I hope that it's not too horrible but I apologize for the quality. I'll be uploading two chapters one after another so make sure to go to the next part of the story. As a result they're both going to be slightly shorter than most chapters.**

* * *

Castiel barely slept the first two nights. He didn't leave the motel room that he was set up in either. Gabriel left him with numbers of restaurants that would deliver food as well as a credit card to use since he barely had any money at all. After two full days of being shut up in the room eating pizza and Chinese food, he finally ventured out. The man at the front desk of the motel looked genuinely surprised to see him out of the room when he went to ask which way to go to get to the library. He walked there, his hands stuck in his pockets as he kept his head down. Part of him was praying that the others wouldn't happen to drive through town at the very moment he was walking down the street.

The other part of him was hoping that he would hear the roar of the Impala followed by Dean's voice saying his name. The reason behind his lack of sleep was the dreams that haunted him over his decision to leave. Either he would have nightmares of Dean rejecting him because he left or he would have dreams that reflected of their late nights in each other's arms. So Cas tried to keep himself awake for as long as he could until his body finally fell into a disturbed slumber.

When he reached the library, he began roaming the shelves. His eyes flickered over the titles of the books without really reading them. His distraction caused him to bump into a twenty-something woman who was carrying a stack of books. They all fell to the floor as apologies flew from Castiel's mouth.

"It's no problem. I wasn't watching where I was going." She said, bending down to gather the books.

"Neither was I." Cas sighed, reaching down to help her.

The woman peered up at him and smiled.

"I've seen you before." she said.

Castiel stared at him with confusion.

"Have you?" he asked with uncertainty.

"Yeah, you were here a while ago with a big group of people. I work here and I saw you. You were talking to a redhead." she acknowledged as they stood, both holding books.

"Yes." Castiel nodded, looking pained at the reminder of the happier time.

"So, are you looking for anything in particular?" she asked.

"No." Cas shook his head. "I have nothing else to do. I was… bored."

The woman looked at him questioningly.

"I recently found myself with nothing to do. I thought that I could at least take up some time by coming here. I do like to read." he explained.

Something lit up in the woman's eyes.

"I have an idea. Come to the front desk with me." she said, titling his head towards the desk.

Cas hesitated but followed her willingly, watching as she set the books on there.

"Hey Esther."

The woman sitting behind the desk looked up at them. Castiel recognized her as the woman who helped them with their library cards.

"Do we have any volunteer applications?"

The woman glanced between them. A spark of recognition flashed through her eyes when she studied him.

"You know as well as I do that we don't need any volunteers, Marissa." She said in a quiet voice.

"Come on, he's really nice and he likes the library. You saw him back when he came before. I remember you specifically remarking that he treated the books with great care and respect. You and I both know that's the kind of volunteer you want here. He has nothing else to do during the day and we should help him out." Marissa pleaded.

Esther sighed, looking at him.

"You willing to do anything we need?" she asked.

"Of course." Castiel nodded, not knowing that he wanted to work at the library until the peculiar young woman who was beaming at him suggested it.

"Fine, you two convinced me. I better not catch you flirting during business hours." Esther said, passing a form over to Cas.

He looked traumatized by the thought, shaking his head.

"I am not available." He said quickly.

"Yeah, Esther. Remember him and the guy with the green eyes? They were looking at each other like…" Marissa cut off when she saw him flinch at the mention of Dean. "Oh."

She looked like she suddenly realized why he was suddenly hanging out at the library alone with nothing to do during the day. Esther knew as well, giving him a sympathetic look that was a departure from her usual stern expression.

"Bring that back whenever you're ready, dear." She said softly before turning back to the work she was doing on the computer.

"Thank you." Cas nodded at her, turning away to sit at a table and fill out the form as best he could.

"I'm sorry." Marissa murmured, following him with an apologetic look. "I shouldn't have brought that up, it was too personal."

"You didn't know." He assured her, sitting down and looking over the information he had to fill out.

He quickly wrote his name, the same as it was on the library card. His hand hesitated before writing Winchester in the last name field. It wasn't long before he was done, the basic information required for volunteering all filled out. Before he could stand, Marissa took the application from him.

"I'll take this to Esther, you can go look around at the books.

He nodded gratefully at her, pleased to have a chance to escape from the necessary human contact. It was much easier to brave these situations with Dean at his side. Pain pierced his chest as he remembered why he left, why he was so hurt by Dean's actions and refusal to trust him with hunting. He sighed and walked to the fantasy section, immediately finding the next book in the Harry Potter series that Charlie trusted him to read even when she was gone. Several minutes later, Marissa came skipping up to him.

"Esther thinks she has the perfect position for you. It's a little weird and it's usually something that I do but she's willing to let you try it out after she read the preferences you put on the application." She said happily.

Castiel allowed her drag her back to the desk, uncertain of exactly how he'd ended up with a job, volunteer or not, after simply choosing to go to the library.

* * *

Dean gave it a week, taking on another job with Sam and hoping that when he came back that Cas would be waiting on him as if nothing ever happened. When he returned and the bed and closet were still empty, he shut himself up in the room for a day, not sleeping because he couldn't sleep in the cold bed anymore, not without Cas by his side. Then he went outside and began screaming at the sky for Gabriel to come to him. After an hour, he finally went to get water in the kitchen, ignoring the pitying looks that he received as he passed Sam, Crowley, and Kevin. He turned from the fridge and choked on the water when he saw the archangel leaning against the doorway.

"You called." Gabriel said casually, unwrapping a Milky Way.

"Where's Cas? I know you can find him if you need to so you have to tell me where he is." Dean said immediately without beating around the bush.

Gabriel glanced around, shrugging.

"You lost him already? I really thought you'd be able to hang onto him longer than that, Dean. I mean the guy doesn't move that fast anymore." he said.

"I'm not kidding. He's been gone for over a week and I'm…" he cut off.

"You're scared for him. How sweet! But not my problem." Gabriel said, pushing himself off of the doorway.

"He's still your brother, fallen or not. You have to give a damn about what happens to him." Dean argued, getting frustrated already.

"Of course I care about him." Gabriel replied in a rare moment of honesty without a joke involved.

"Then you know that his best chance of safety is with us. He's vulnerable out there, you have to let me protect him." Dean argued.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes at the hunter, anger glinting in them.

"Isn't that kind of thinking what got you into this mess in the first place?" he asked.

Dean's eyes widened.

"You already knew he was gone?" he asked, his hands forming fists as he wondered if Gabriel did something to Cas.

"Of course I did. I knew before you did, Dean-o." Gabriel answered, smirking at him.

"Where is he?" Dean growled, glaring at him.

"Safe. And that's all you need to know. My brother needed some time and I gave it to him. You won't find him, trust me. I'd stop looking."

"I can't just give up on finding him! He belongs here! With us!" Dean argued, anger filling him over the fact that the archangel knew exactly where Castiel was and wouldn't tell him.

Gabriel sighed, putting his hands in his jacket pockets.

"There's a lesson to be learned here, Dean. You know how I am about taking the chance to teach someone something. So learn your lesson and call me when again when you're not trying to suffocate my brother with your fierce protectiveness. That might work on your weak flings of the past but Castiel isn't like them. He's a fighter by nature and he doesn't need it." Gabriel said before disappearing.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean shouted, unable to keep himself under control.

* * *

Castiel stared at the wall of the motel room, his knees drawn to his chest. The television was on but he wasn't paying attention to it, simply staring. He heard a noise and knew what it was when a weight sank into the bed.

"I thought you were going to try to go out in the world? Get to know it? It's worth it, you know." Gabriel said.

"I do not feel like it tonight." He admitted.

"You're never going to get over it if you don't stop moping." His brother said.

Cas turned his head to frown at him.

"Get over what?" he asked.

"Dean." Gabriel said, raising an eyebrow at him. "If you keep moping over him, you'll be hung up on him forever."

"I don't want to get over him. This isn't permanent." Castiel argued.

"Isn't it? Because he's pretty hurt right now, Castiel. I'm not saying you didn't have a right to be angry at him for purposefully leaving you at home when you told him not to. I'm just saying… eventually that hurt is going to turn to anger. As much as I hate saying this, and I do, you gotta make a choice, little brother."

Castiel tilted his head to the side questioningly.

"You run with this boring librarian life you have… and seem to like. You find an apartment in this town and move on. You know I wouldn't complain if I didn't have to deal with Dean's whining anymore. Or you go back to him, settle all of this, and live a life with him, still doing your boring librarian thing if you want to. But you can't just wait until the decision occurs to you in a month or two months or a year. You can't expect Dean to wait around that long no matter what he did to anger you. I'm not here to make fun of you or anything right now. You chose to be human for this guy and I know that you don't want this to be permanent. If you did, you would have already taken that vial hanging around your throat and shattered it. You are planning on going back to Dean so all I'm saying is that you better do it soon, or he's gonna stop waiting."

Castiel opened his mouth but before he could say a word, Gabriel disappeared. He sighed heavily, dropping back onto the bed and closing his eyes. As he warred with his own emotions in his head, he forgot to keep himself awake and slid into an uneasy sleep still dressed in his clothes from the day.

* * *

**Review please!**

**Okay so I think there's some confusion that I'm clearing up when it comes to 1) timing and 2) the smut one-shots. In my mind, there's been quite a bit of time that's gone by. I'm not talking a year but I am skipping time as I write. It has been a little over two months since Naomi caught Cas and Crowley shot him. That's where the smutty one-shots come in. What I am writing isn't the extent of their sexual relationship. I am new to writing smut but I'm not new to the mechanics of sex. So if you find yourself questioning something that they wouldn't be able to do without experience, assume that they've had experience. I'm so sorry that I didn't make that clear before, it's entirely my fault.**


	25. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**And the reunion because I couldn't keep my wonderful readers waiting for very long. There will be a smut chapter attached to this one so keep a look out.**

**Charlie comes into town and verbally kicks Dean's ass back into shape. Their reunion isn't going to be extremely dramatic, I'm not good at writing dramatic reunions right now and I don't want to make it a blow-up affair.**

* * *

Another week passed and the inhabitants of the bunker were hanging on by a thread. Dean was depressed and angry over Cas's departure. Sam was angry and disappointed with Dean over what he did but sympathetic at the same time. Crowley was baking all of the time because he thought it would make everything better if everyone could eat muffins, cupcakes, and pie. Kevin was just in the background readying himself for college and trying not to get involved in the drama, yet the tense atmosphere was still stressing him out. Then Charlie came to visit and when she heard what happened, she only added to the tension as she tried to help Dean through it.

"What you need to do is a big gesture. Something that tells him you trust him now."

"I always trusted him." Dean argued as he worked on Kevin's car.

Charlie was perched on the cooler.

"Well I know that, but he doesn't. Dean you just need to do something that'll really show him what you mean to him." she said.

"I don't even know where he is, Charlie. And is telling him that I need him not enough?" he said, looking up at her with a sigh.

"First of all, you could easily figure out where he is if you really wanted to find out. I don't think it would take much arm-twisting to get Gabriel to tell you. Second of all, there is something you could say that is a lot bigger than I need you." Charlie replied.

Dean's eyes widened and he looked a little panicked.

"I don't… that doesn't… we don't… say that." he stammered.

"Why not? It's true! I know it is. It shouldn't be too hard to just… say it. Do you really think he wouldn't say it right back." she said, raising her eyebrows at him.

"I don't know what he would say, Charlie. I'm willing to be that, even if I did get Gabriel to admit to where he is, that I have an equal chance of him kissing me or punching me." Dean said, turning his attention back to the car.

"But you'll never know unless you try! Come on, Dean! You and Cas are too… amazing… for everything to end like this. This ending sucks… big time. Worse than _Heroes_. I know it's not over and if you're not going to make sure that it's not the ending, I'm sure as hell gonna make sure." She said confidently, standing up.

"What are you going t…"

He cut off when she started yelling Gabriel's name at the sky.

"Get over here! I'm not gonna stop calling you until you come! You might as well just get it over with! I'm not Dean! I'm not giving up!" she shouted.

Charlie paused, looking at Dean as she waited to see if it would work.

"C'mon Gabriel." Dean groaned, throwing down the wrench and leaning against the Impala.

"Do you two even know what you just interrupted? I had four Rockettes in my hotel room. Four of them. Do you know how bendy they are?" Gabriel demanded from where he appeared.

"Yep!" Charlie said, grinning at him.

He smirked back, moving closer to her.

"Hello." He said flirtatiously just as he had the last time he met her.

"Still a lesbian, Gabriel." She sighed, brushing him off. "Now where is Castiel?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"Really, Dean-o? Gotta get a girl to do your dirty work for you? Broken record, until you change your mind about…"

"I will do anything. I'll let him hunt with us. Hell I'll let him do anything he wants. I just want him back home, Gabriel. If you would bother to answer any of my calls, you would know that." Dean said pleadingly.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes at Dean as if he was trying to see if he was telling the truth.

"All right, but only because I'm so very tired of you interrupting my sexcapades." He said, rolling his eyes. "Cas is at the Prairie Winds Motel in Lebanon."

Dean stared at the archangel for a moment.

"He's that close?" he asked.

"Well I wasn't gonna take him far, was I? I wanted him to be close in case he woke up and decided to hike his way on back over here."

Gabriel grinned at Charlie.

"In case you decide differently…" he began.

"Oh you'll be the first to know." The redhead said, unimpressed by his flirting.

"Try not to run my brother off again, Dean-o. My sex life cannot take the interruptions." Gabriel said in goodbye before he disappeared.

Dean sighed and shook his head, rubbing his forehead at the images he didn't want.

"Well?" he looked at Charlie.

"Hmm?" he said as if he didn't full well know what she was saying.

"Go get your man, Dean Winchester!" she ordered, shoving him towards the Impala.

"Wait, but…!" he began to argue.

"Ugh! You're right. You're gross. Go take a shower and put on fresh clothes and then go get your man!" Charlie said, shoving him towards the bunker.

"You know, I think I liked it when you didn't want to speak to me again." Dean grumbled.

"You love me and you know it." she said, grinning as she followed him into the bunker excitedly, intent on choosing the outfit he would wear.

"What's going on?" Sam asked when Dean walked past them into the hallway, moving towards his bedroom.

"Gabriel finally broke and told us where Cas is. Dean is going to find him." Charlie said, grinning.

"Finally." The other three groaned, looking relieved because they could not take anymore of Dean's foul mood.

"Maybe they'll do us all a favor and have their make-up sex elsewhere." Crowley muttered.

Sam and Kevin murmured in agreement, hoping that would happen.

* * *

Dean stopped the car, staring at the motel in front of him hesitantly. He went over what he would say in his head, knowing full well that when he saw Cas, it would all fly out of his head and he'd be left with no idea of what to say. It had been two and a half weeks since he saw his lover. There was a chance that Cas might still be too furious to listen to Dean no matter what he had to say. Finally, he threw all caution to the wind and climbed out, walking to the office. The man at the front desk.

"I'm looking for someone." He said.

"I can't give you room numbers, buddy." The man said.

"I know, I just… I need to know if he's here at all. He's got dark hair, pretty messy. About this tall." Dean gestured with his hand. "Really really blue eyes and a deep voice."

"Yeah you're talking about Castiel. He's not here." The man said.

Dean's shoulders slumped and he sighed, cursing his luck.

"Of course he's not. Thanks anyway." He turned to walk out.

"He's been volunteering at the library, far as I know. You'll probably find him there." the man said.

Dean glanced back at him and his face fell into relief.

"Thanks." He sighed.

"No problem." The man nodded.

Dean got in the Impala and drove to the library that was only a few blocks away. He drove slowly, his heart pounding in his chest as he once again went over what he would say. When he walked into the library, he looked around for any sign of Cas. He heard a quiet squeal as he moved towards the front desk.

"I knew you would come!"

He turned to see a quite attractive twenty-something woman standing there grinning.

"I just knew it! The way you two were looking at each other…"

Dean frowned at her.

"I'm sorry, what?" he asked.

"You're here for Castiel, right?" she asked, grinning. "Castiel Winchester?"

He nodded slowly.

"I knew you would come find him. He wasn't sure but… I knew you had to. Love like that doesn't just end, you know?"

"Marissa, stop harassing the poor man. Take him to Castiel." The woman behind the desk admonished her.

"I will, Esther." Marissa grinned at Dean before beckoning for him to follow her.

"You'll have to wait until he's done." She said quietly.

"Done?" he questioned.

"Yeah, he's working right now. Oh but you haven't seen him do this. He's just amazing at it. At first some of the parents were a little uncomfortable but…"

Dean heard his voice before he saw him. They rounded the corner in the children's book section and he caught sight of his lover sitting on a chair. He was reading out of a book as he showed off the illustrations to a crowd of captivated children.

"… when the parents saw how good he was at telling the stories and how much the children loved him, they didn't care anymore. He's so amazing." Marissa sighed, grinning at Castiel as he read the words to _The Giving Tree_ to the young children all around him.

"And the boy loved the tree very much. And the tree was happy."

Castiel happened to glance up at that moment and he caught sight of Dean immediately. When their eyes met, both men froze for a second. Cas stared at him before snapping out of it and looking down at the children. He tried to cover his shock at seeing Dean standing there, his hands in his pockets and looking as devastatingly handsome as ever. He turned his attention back to the book.

"But time went by, and the boy grew older. And the tree was often alone."

They listened as he read all the way through. Dean found himself as captivated as the children listening to Castiel read aloud. The emotion that the fallen angel put into the story made his chest tighten. When he finished, the children and adults all clapped as he gave them all a small smile.

"I'll see you next week." He said quietly.

"Thanks Mr. Winchester!" the children all chorused without anyone having to tell them to do so.

Castiel remained sitting as the parents alternated between grabbing their children and thanking him. When they were all gone, Cas stood, turning to replace the book on the shelf he took it from. Marissa patted Dean's arm once before drifting backwards, shooting Cas a smile before she disappeared, leaving them alone. Cas hesitated, staring down at the ground before he slowly turned and looked up at Dean.

"How did you know?" he asked.

"Gabriel broke down and told us." Dean answered, longing to run forward and grab him into an embrace yet holding himself back.

Cas nodded as if he expected it to happen.

"How is everyone? Sam? Crowley? Kevin?"

"Good, they're good. Charlie's back. She's good too." Dean nodded, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he stared at the ground.

"And you?" Cas asked after a few moments of silence.

Dean glanced up at him and saw concern and sadness in his eyes.

"I'm… really bad, actually. I've been, uh… a dick. I think that I was about to get kicked out of the bunker when Gabriel finally spoke up. I haven't slept much. The bed it… it's been cold." He said, another way of letting Cas know that it wasn't the same without him.

Cas nodded.

"The bed in the motel room is uncomfortable. I don't like it at all. I haven't slept much either." He said, another way of saying that he was doing terrible too.

"Then come home." Dean couldn't help but say.

Castiel looked down at his hands, biting his lip.

"Dean, I…"

"I messed up, Cas. I'm sorry and if I could take it back, I would. I shouldn't have done what I did. I thought… I thought I was doing the right thing. I was so certain. But the moment I got back and knew you were gone, I knew that I didn't do the right thing. Please, Cas. Come back." he stepped forward as he spoke, standing right in front of Cas.

The fallen angel looked up at him and Dean steeled himself for anger, for hate.

"I messed up too, Dean. I should not have left. I was hurt and angry but that was no excuse. I wanted to come back two weeks ago but… I was afraid. I broke my promise to you and I was certain you would not accept me back. I kept telling myself that I should give you time." he said.

Dean stared at him with a dumbfounded expression.

"That's what I kept telling myself." He said in a quiet voice.

Cas sighed, leaning into Dean and allowing himself to be enveloped in his warmth.

"I forgive you, Dean. I want you to forgive me too, if you think you can."

"Of course I forgive you, Cas." Dean sighed, wrapping his arms around his lover.

"We need to leave." He said quietly.

Dean looked down at him with confusion.

"I want to kiss you very much right now but I do not think it would be appropriate to do so in the children's section of the library that I volunteer in." he said with a slight smile.

Dean let a smile break across his face allowing himself to be happy for the first time in weeks.

"Come on." he took Cas's hand and led him through the library, not caring who saw them.

When they passed the desk, Marissa gave them two thumbs up as Esther shot them a small smile before her face went back to its stern fixture. They got as far as the parking lot before Dean's control broke. He pushed Cas against the side of the Impala and leaned in, his hand fitting over Cas's cheek as his lips ghosted over the other man's. Cas deepened the kiss instantly, his hands fisted in Dean's shirt.

"I… missed… you… very much." Cas breathed out between kisses.

"I missed you." Dean admitted, kissing his way down Cas's jaw.

"Perhaps we should take this off of the street." The dark haired man sighed as Dean's hands pushed his shirt up and rested on his hips over his low-slung jeans that were falling down because he'd forgotten his belt that morning.

"Bunker is too far away." Dean groaned.

"Let's go to my motel room." Cas suggested, pulling away.

"I thought you said the bed was uncomfortable." Dean reminded him.

"I think that it was uncomfortable because you weren't there. Perhaps we should test this theory." Castiel said, his eyes betraying his lust at the thought.

"Good one." Dean said appreciatively, leaning in with a grin to kiss him again.

When they finally managed to get into the car, Dean claimed that they needed to run by a store so that he could run in and get supplies. Cas watched as he drove, unwilling to take his eyes off of Dean as his emotions ran rampant through his veins. One stood out, an emotion that both Charlie and Marissa tried to convince him existed.

"Dean…" he caught the other man's arm before he could get out of the car.

"Yeah?" Dean asked, looking at him with a tender expression that made the emotion flare up even worse.

"I love you." Cas said breathlessly, his entire body singing with the declaration.

Dean stared at him with wide eyes for a moment before he yanked Cas to him in a bruising kiss.

"Damn Cas…" he moaned against his lips. "… you couldn't have waited until we got back to the motel?"

Cas pulled away, looking at him with confusion at his response. Dean stared at him, a soft smile on his lips.

"I love you too, Cas. But now I just want to take off all of your clothes and I can't yet." He said with disappointment in his voice as Cas's spirits soared over hearing the words from Dean's mouth without any hesitation.

"Then go get the supplies and we can hurry over there." Cas whispered in his ear, nibbling on the lobe and making Dean groan.

"Trying to kill me." he muttered before jumping out of the car.

* * *

**Tune into the smut chapters when I post them for continuation. Review please and tell me what you think! The story isn't over yet, don't worry.**


	26. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thanks to SuperAwesomePandaKitty, FireChildSlytherin5, c0lorless r0ses, JessMust7, liebedero, stefanswifey01, LilyJamesShipper, Cold North, The Mysterious Shadow, gypsydancer529, kwayland, VampirePrinssess, CharlieDC, aishaduh, Hawkfire28, and the guest for reviewing!**

**In this chapter, Cas makes everyone dinner and Dean comes to a realization.**

**IMPORTANT: There's an important message at the end of this chapter, so make sure that you read it.**

* * *

"Give it to me." Dean said with an amused look over at Cas.

"Dean this is unnecessary." The former angel sighed.

"C'mon, humor me."

Castiel stopped short and sighed, pulling his jacket open to show one side of it.

"Dean man's blood to incapacitate…" he closed the jacket and held up the machete in his right hand. "Chop off the head to kill. I've done this before, Dean. I'm not unable…"

"I know, you're cute when you're frustrated." Dean interrupted, grinning at him.

Castiel sighed and rolled his eyes.

"It's not funny, Dean."

"Stop flirting and come on, I promised Charlie a good old fashioned vampire bloodbath." Sam said, gesturing to the redhead who was following them excitedly.

Dean turned and raised an eyebrow at them.

"I told you it was a bad idea to bring her along." He warned.

"You brought me on a case before, Dean. And I promised I would stand to the side and watch you boys do your thing! Please let me go inside!" she begged.

Dean stared at her pleading eyes for a moment and sighed.

"Fine, just… stay out of the way." he grumbled, turning away.

"You were right!" Charlie exclaimed, nudging Cas.

Dean whipped his head back around to stare at his lover, who suddenly was trying to look as innocent as possible.

"Right?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

Castiel grinned at him as Charlie moved forward to walk to Dean.

"Nothing you need to worry about, let's go kill some vampires." She said, patting Dean's shoulder.

* * *

As soon as they walked into the warehouse, the nest of vampires were alert jumping up from where they were feeding on a few unconscious humans.

"What the hell?" one of the males, their leader, demanded, walking forward.

Dean moved forward ahead of them, ready to rid the world of a few more monsters when an arm yanked him back. Castiel whirled him around to face him.

"Just for luck." He said before kissing Dean passionately, shocking the vampires into stillness as Sam shook his head and Charlie whistled.

When he pulled away, Dean stared at him with an open mouth before grinning at him.

"Boy do I feel lucky." He said.

Cas winked at him before turning and launching himself at the vampires, his hand gripped in Dean's to drag him forward.

* * *

"Whatever I thought would happen, I didn't expect that. I mean, I've seen you guys in action but… not that kind of action. You're all… amazing." Charlie gushed as they leaned against the Impala.

They all looked at her.

"Charlie we're covered in blood." Dean said.

He wasn't exaggerating. They were all really covered in both vampire blood and their own blood from head-to-toe except for Charlie. It turned out that the nest was much larger than they thought it would be. They managed to kill them all but it took them a lot longer than planned.

"Well if it makes you feel better you all look really hot covered in blood. And this is coming from a girl whose type you are not, so…" Charlie grinned at them.

"I would like a shower now, Dean." Castiel said, looking down at his blood-soaked clothing.

"Get in line."

* * *

"You sure you don't want any help?" Dean asked as they walked into the kitchen holding a bunch of grocery bags.

"I don't need any help, Dean. But if you wish to remain in the kitchen just in case, I would not deny myself your company." Castiel said, smiling at him once he put down the bags in his hands.

"Well don't you sound confident? Last time I checked, cooking terrified you." he said, grinning back.

"I've adapted." Castiel said simply, pulling out the ingredients that he bought at the grocery store.

"Maybe I'll just hang out back here." Dean said, moving behind Cas.

He wrapped an arm around his torso and brushed his lips over Cas's neck.

"Dean, that is not helpful." Cas said as he opened the box of noodles.

"I never said I would help. Though if you want me to be helpful…" Dean let his hand drift lower.

Cas let out a sigh and turned in his arms, pulling him in for a short, passionate kiss. Then he pushed him backwards against the counter and stepped away.

"If you can't keep your hands to yourself, go busy them with something else." he said, smiling at the mischievous look in the hunter's eyes.

"I'll just watch, then." Dean said with a wink, sliding up to sit on the counter.

Castiel laughed and kissing his lips softly once more before turning to pull the rest of the ingredients out.

"So… how did you learn to cook spaghetti?" Dean asked.

"Marissa." Cas said simply, setting out the tomatoes, garlic, and other stuff.

"The girl from the library?" he questioned.

"Yes, she felt sorry for me, living in a motel room. She invited me over for dinner a few times and taught me how to make some food. Said I could…" Castiel cut off, flushing slightly as he washed the tomatoes.

Dean leaned forward, interested in what made him blush.

"You could what?" he urged.

"She said that I could cook for you… whenever you came to find me or I went to find you." he said.

Dean smiled slightly.

"I like this Marissa girl. We should invite her for dinner sometime."

"I agree, she would love to come. She's very nice." Cas said.

Dean fell silent after that, watching as the fallen angel made dinner for them all, including an Italian salad to make Sam happy. His eyes tracked Castiel across the entire kitchen, feeling warmth build in his chest. Just as he was pulling the garlic bread out of the oven, Dean hopped down.

"Hey, Cas…" he said, fumbling with his hands.

"Hmm?" he turned to look at him, his brow furrowing once he caught sight of Dean's unsure demeanor.

"I, uh… I was wondering… I mean… I don't know." He sighed, slumping back against the counter.

"What's wrong, Dean?" he asked, stepping towards him.

"Nothing's wrong, I just…" he looked up at Cas. "Would you be happy with a normal life? No hunting, no driving around the country looking for trouble?"

Castiel's brow furrowed.

"Dean, I thought we agreed…"

"No, I want you to come on hunts with us as long as we're hunting but… what if we're not hunting? I mean, I don't even know what I'm saying because I don't know if I even want a normal life but…" Dean cut off.

"I'm not sure what you're asking, Dean." Cas admitted, stepping closer to him.

Dean shook his head.

"Forget it, Cas. I just… I don't even know." He rubbed his forehead. "Forget it… I'll go tell everyone that dinner's almost ready."

Cas watched with confusion as Dean walked out, unsure of what to say or do as the hunter left.

* * *

"This looks delicious, Cas. Thank you for making it." Sam said, his happiness at having the once angel back in the bunker clear in his eyes.

"It's amazing, Cas." Charlie assured him, patting his hand with a grin.

He blushed and looked down at his plate.

"I assure you, it was not difficult to make." He said.

Everyone made sounds of pleasure once they dug into the spaghetti. Everyone except for Dean, who was twirling the noodles around his fork mindlessly as he stared at a wall. Castiel was the only one who noticed, shooting Dean worried looks in between Charlie's teasing, Sam's questions about the library, and Crowley and Kevin's continuous back and forth snark.

Cas went over the conversation in their mind, wondering what he missed that put Dean in such a silent mood. As he watched Dean, the hunter seemed to snap out of his trance, standing up.

"I gotta hit the can." He said simply.

"Dude, we're eating dinner." Sam complained, rolling his eyes.

"Ah you love me, Sammy." Dean said, ruffling his brother's hair as he passed.

Before he walked out of the room, he glanced back at Castiel, who was watching him. The former angel's soulful blue eyes met his and he sighed, shaking his head before leaving the room. Cas sunk back in his chair, wondering what he'd done to make Dean so melancholy. Suddenly his fork hit the plate as he sat up straight and the direction of the conversation in the kitchen occurred to him.

"Oh." He breathed.

"What's up, Cas?" Charlie asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Nothing I just… I realized…" Castiel stood up as abruptly as Dean had.

"Cas?" Sam said as they all stared up at him questioningly.

"I have to… Dean." He said simply, turning to hurry out of the room. "Enjoy dinner!"

He ran down the hallway, right through the door to their bedroom and straight into Dean who was coming out of his room.

"Son of a…"

Liquid splashed all over both of them from where Dean was holding a bottle of whiskey that he just opened and was bringing back to the table. He barely kept from dropping the bottle before looking up at Cas.

"What the hell?"

Castiel took the bottle out of his hands and set it on the table. Then he yanked him in and pressed a whiskey-covered kiss to his lips, grinning against them.

"I understand." He murmured once he pulled away and looked in Dean's surprised eyes.

"Huh?" Dean asked, confused.

"What you were asking earlier, I understand. I would live a normal life with you, Dean Winchester, if it's what you wanted." Cas said, smiling at him.

Dean stared at him for a moment before the words sunk in and a hesitant smile formed on his face.

"You sure? I mean, I know that you got all exhilarated being back in the game earlier." he asked.

"I don't care about the hunting because I want to hunt, Dean. I care about the hunting because I want to do it with you, I want to be around to help you, protect you. I liked it because it felt like we were doing something together. There's a number of things we can do together without the near-death experiences. Whatever you want to do, I'll do it with you."

Dean grinned and pulled him in, kissing him again.

"I don't know if I want to stop right away, I mean there's still plenty of evil sons of bitches around that need to be killed but maybe one day…"

"Yeah… one day." Castiel nodded, lacing his fingers through Dean's.

They both grinned and kissed again, stumbling towards the bed.

* * *

**Okay so there is a smut set in this chapter that I will release as soon as possible. Be on the lookout for that.**

**IMPORTANT: Okay this is the important and sad piece of news that I told you about. There are only two more chapters left in this story and both of them are the two-part epilogue. I know, it's sad but I would rather end this story now than try to drag it out and make it bad. I promise it'll have a nice, happy, good ending. So look out for the last two chapter, my lovely readers.**


	27. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

**Thanks to stefanswifey01, Cold North, The Mysterious Shadow, gypsydancer529, aishaduh, Hawkfire28, beatlesbird, SuperAwesomePandaKitty, TrulyMetalwings, FireChildSlytherin5, VampirePrinssess, and Charlie DC for reviewing!**

**This chapter gets a little cheesy but I promise it gets better later on. It was difficult to write this because I've never actually written an epilogue that ties up the story nicely in a little bow.**

* * *

The old man hobbled through the lobby of the hospital, gaining soft smiles and sympathetic looks when they saw the sad look in his eyes and the hunch of his shoulders. They all knew, just as he knew, that he was on his way to say goodbye. But what they didn't know was that it wasn't going to be a normal goodbye by any means. He made his way into the elevator and pressed the button for the third floor. A nurse shared the elevator with him. When he lifted his eyes to look at her once she greeted him with a polite "hello", she was taken aback by the bright blue of the orbs.

"Hello." He said, his voice raspy with age yet it still held a deep gravelly sound.

"Are you on your way to see your wife?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"No, I'm going to see my best friend and the greatest man I've ever known." He said honestly.

The nurse smiled, sensing the love he had for the man in his tone.

"I'm sure he'll be happy to see you." she assured him as he exited the elevator.

"I would hope so, seeing as he's my husband." Castiel said, the golden ring on his left hand glinting in the fluorescent light of the hospital.

When he reached the door and pushed it open, a smile broke across his face when he saw the scene in front of him. Sam looked up and grinned back, pushing himself away from the bed.

"Dean, he's back." he said.

The still-bright-as-ever green eyes stared up at him as the former hunter's face lit up when he saw Castiel enter the room. His hand reached out and was immediately taken by Cas's once he reached the side of the bed.

"I'm sorry it took me so long, the line was very long." He said in a low murmur as he bent down to kiss Dean's forehead.

"I don't care, Cas." Dean whispered in his fading voice. "I just wanted a damn burger and my damn husband."

Castiel laughed along with Sam and his wife. The former angel pulled the burger out of the bag and unwrapped it, handing it off to Dean, who inhaled deeply and grinned.

"After three years of being off of these things, I deserve this." he said, eyeing all of them as if daring them to deny it.

"Oh wait! You don't want to get any grease on those sheets! Let me grab a towel!" Sam's wife exclaimed, picking up a towel from the bathroom and hurrying back in.

"Marissa you are a sweetheart but I don't really care about the sheets. They'll have to wash them anyways once I bite the dust."

"Dean!" Cas admonished, furrowing his brow at the other man.

They all knew that Dean was living his last day. He'd been worsening, the heart attack having weakened his heart enough that it was only a matter of time. He was experiencing a late surge just before his body gave out and they were taking full advantage of that since they knew what was happening.

"Sorry." Dean sighed, reaching out to take Cas's hand.

"Just enjoy your burger." Castiel said, sinking into the seat next to Dean.

Dean nodded and concentrated on eating his burger as they watched old reruns of Dr. Sexy MD on the television. Once he finished eating, Marissa took the trash to throw away for him.

"Sammy, Marissa, could you give me a few minutes alone with Cas? I need to talk to him about something." He said.

Sam looked concerned but Cas nodded at him with a look that said he would call the younger Winchester back immediately if anything changed with Dean's condition. Once they were alone, Cas stood and took Dean's hand in one of his hands and stroked Dean's thinning hair with the other.

"I need you to do something for me, Cas." Dean said, looking up at him.

"Hmm?" the other man hummed.

Dean lifted his hand and pulled his collar to the side to reveal the chain around his neck. Cas watched as he pulled out the vial on the end that was still filled with the shining light that was just as bright even after the years passed.

"Dean…" he began.

"I don't want to leave you here alone, Cas. Please, I know that my time is up and you do too. I just want you to come with me. We'll be there together. I know you'll have Sam and Marissa here but I don't even to be up there alone. C'mon, Cas. I know you were thinking about it." Dean urged him.

"I don't know that I can, Dean. It's been so long… they may not want me back." Castiel said hesitantly.

"Inias said you were always welcome."

"It may not even work. My body is different and it may reject the…"

"Cas, it'll work." Dean said confidently.

Castiel sighed and closed his eyes, feeling himself giving into his husband's request.

"I don't feel incredibly confident about this, Dean. It might not work. What if I'm pulled to heaven and I'm not here when…"

"Then your angelic ass better be waiting for me at those pearly gates." Dean interrupted. "Cas we haven't been apart in years and I'm not about to be away from you now. You said forever and I'm damn well gonna cash in on that promise."

* * *

He didn't want to leave the hospital. Sneaking down to the basement of the building was much more difficult without the advantage of being younger and a hunter. But he managed it, sneaking into a supply closet once he ensured that no one was around. The vial on the chain was gripped in his hand as he breathed heavily and dropped his head.

"Please, let me be with him. Don't take me away." He whispered.

Then his hand was high in the air just before it came down, smashing the vial into pieces on the floor. The bright light flew into the air, forcing his mouth open as he yelled out and felt it entering him. His body and grace sang with triumph as they reunited and knit together immediately. It felt like all of his molecules were remade into brand new finally his body bursted with energy, knocking all of the supplies off of their shelves and sending the closet into chaos. The door slammed open just as it stopped and Castiel stood there breathing deeply. It was a miracle that he didn't cause his vessel to explode.

He looked down to see that his hands no longer bore the wrinkles that the years brought. He bent down and picked up a metal bedpan, immediately catching sight of the familiar yet strangely unfamiliar messy dark hair that he hadn't seen in years. His blue eyes blinked at him out of the reflection of the metal.

"Looking good, little brother."

His eyes flashed up and he saw Gabriel leaning against the wall across from the supply closet with a grin.

"Gabriel. It's been a while." he said, stepping out of the closet.

Cas hesitated, looking back at the mess he made. With a snap of his fingers and a small smile at the rush of power that went through him, the room was back in order like he'd never been in there. He bent down and picked up the chain that the vial had been on, slipping it around his neck before facing the archangel once again.

"Yeah, there was an unwritten rule about you courtesy of me. No contact until he says so. That is why, brother, you've been unbothered by angels for fifty-six years running now." Gabriel said proudly.

Castiel tilted his head to the side.

"What do you mean? Have you… did you return to heaven? I thought that you promised never to do so."

"Well someone had to make sure it was more Winchester friendly before the boys made their final trip upstairs." The archangel shrugged, pushing himself off of the wall to move to stand in front of Castiel.

"What do you mean, Winchester friendly?" he asked, his eyebrows knit together.

Gabriel smirked, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Why don't you come see? I could use some feedback from a good source." He suggested.

Cas hesitated, glancing up at the ceiling as if he could see Dean's room.

"You know that you can come back as if no time has passed at all. You're all powerful again, Castiel." Gabriel reminded him.

The restored angel sighed, glancing at his brother before nodding.

"I am curious to see what it has become and… well I can't say that I haven't missed it." he admitted.

Gabriel grinned and reached out, patting Cas on the shoulder.

"Come on then."

* * *

**Reminder, this is only part one of the epilogue. Keep an eye out for part two.**

**I was really nervous about writing this because, once again, I've never written an epilogue for anything and it's nerve-wracking to be wrapping up a story completely like this. Let me know if you hate/love it. **


	28. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

***sobs* *cries* *hugs all of you***

**I can't believe I finished this story. Thank you to everyone who read it. I love you so much and I hope that you loved reading this story as much as I loved writing it. I feel satisfied with the end and I can't wait to write more about this fantastic ship.**

* * *

Castiel opened his eyes, blinking against the bright light as he looked upon the ornate gates of heaven. To their left, they saw the line of souls awaiting their judgment.

"This looks the same, brother." he said.

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"We can't change everything, Castiel." He said, stepping up to the gates.

Castiel followed him and they walked through the gates into heaven. What the restored angel saw was not what he expected.

"What have you done, brother?" he breathed, looking around.

"It wasn't just me. It was everyone. We all put in a little effort after it was spread around what you did for us." Gabriel explained.

As if on cue, Inias appeared in front of him.

"Castiel!" he exclaimed, looking thrilled.

At the sound, all of the souls in their immediate vicinity turned to look at them.

"This is… what is this?" he asked, ignoring the shocked looks as he gazed at the area.

"It's heaven… like I said, more Winchester-friendly. It was pretty well-known that they didn't exactly agree with the segregated heavens. So here we are all as close as we can be." Gabriel explained as Inias walked up to them.

"Angels and human souls… living together? How did you convince them to go along with it?" Castiel asked.

"It didn't take much convincing. Gabriel showed up in heaven and the angels flocked to him. They immediately saw him as their leader because he's the only remaining archangel. Once he mentioned your name, everyone was willing to do whatever it took to repay you for what you did." Inias explained.

Castiel looked at Gabriel with questioning eyes and the archangel nodded to confirm it.

"Think they'll like this heaven better?" he said, gesturing around.

"I have no doubt that they'll love it." Castiel said confidently, walking around Inias to move into the crowd of souls that were still watching him.

Gabriel followed him as he explored the area, his eyes searching for any souls that he might recognize.

"I almost didn't recognize you without the trenchcoat." He heard a voice to his right say.

Castiel stopped and small smile formed on his face.

"It's technically an overcoat." He said, turning to look at the hunter he knew on earth.

Bobby grinned at him, looking the exact same with a hat on his head.

"We heard whispers that you were headed here with one of the boys. It's not too much of a stretch to figure out which boy it is." Bobby said, walking forward and embracing Castiel tightly.

His eyes flashed down to the ring glinting on Cas's finger and he smiled fondly.

"We sure had a party up here when you finally managed to make an honest man out of him." he murmured, putting an arm around Cas's shoulders.

The angel smiled at the former hunter.

"Thank you, Bobby." He said with emotion in his voice.

Bobby looked over at him and rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, ya idjit." He said with a fond tone. "Seriously though, the trenchcoat."

Castiel let out a short laugh and concentrated, changing his clothes to the ones that he stopped wearing so long ago. For some reason, it finally made him feel fully like an angel. He sighed and stepped away from Bobby, looking down at the black suit and backwards tie. He knew how to tie a tie now but he didn't want to. It was familiar.

"That's better. Where we're going, I would hate for you to be unrecognizable."

Castiel stared over at Bobby.

"Where are we going?" he questioned.

"You got some people to meet, some family." Bobby informed him.

The angel shook his head and stepped away.

"I can't, not yet. I will do that when I am by Dean's side." He said.

Bobby stared back at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah I should have figured that. You two don't do much without each other, do you?"

He shook his head.

"I need to get back to Dean. He needs me."

* * *

When he walked into the hospital this time, he knew that he was unrecognizable when the woman behind the registration tried to flirt with him rather than giving him a polite and sympathetic look.

"Who are you here to see?" she asked.

"Dean Winchester." He answered honestly as he accepted the visitor's pass from her.

"Oh. Are you related? You have his husband's eyes."

Castiel smiled and simply nodded to her, finding it amusing as he slid past the desk and walked to the elevator. When he got to the room, he pushed the door open. Once again, he found Sam and Marissa beside Dean's bed. They turned to look and Marissa let out a cry of shock as Sam dropped the book that he was holding.

"Oh my… Castiel?" Marissa said, moving forward.

He smiled and moved into the room. His eyes went to the bed and his smile faded. Dean was visibly worse. He was hunched down on the bed and his breaths were coming out in labored gasps. He immediately moved to the edge of the bed and took his husband's hand. Dean's eyes opened and, despite the pain he was obviously in, a smile broke out on his face.

"There's my Cas." He wheezed out.

Cas sighed and sank into the chair beside the bed that had been his perch for the last few weeks.

"Of course I'm here." He said, reaching out and stroking Dean's wrinkled skin, the contrast between their appearance obvious.

"How is this possible?" Marissa asked, her eyes wide.

Sam smiled knowingly and nodded at him.

"You're an angel again." He said.

"Dean requested it of me. He wants us to go up there together and I couldn't resist the idea. Living on this earth would be nothing without him and I don't plan on doing it for very long at all." Castiel answered honestly.

Marissa smiled as Sam put his arm around her shoulders.

"That's so sweet!" she exclaimed.

Castiel simply smiled and looked back at Dean.

"I visited heaven. Everyone is ready for you." he said.

"Everyone?" he asked.

"I saw Gabriel and… Bobby. He's ready for you to get there. Apparently there was a celebration up there when we got married." Cas said softly, brushing his thin hair back.

Dean smiled widely and squeezed Cas's hand weakly.

"I can't wait to see him and everyone else." he said honestly.

Castiel bent down and placed a kiss to Dean's forehead. He quickly reached his grace out and wrapped it around Dean without the man knowing. It only told him what he already knew. Dean was fading fast. He glanced up at Sam and everything that needed to be said was in his eyes. It was time. Before he stepped aside for the brothers to say goodbye, he flooded his grace throughout Dean's body, relieving him of the pain. The former hunter sighed with relief and his eyes held a grateful expression as he looked up at his husband. Cas smiled at him and stepped away slowly, letting Sam replace him at the bedside. He stepped over to Marissa and stood beside her as they leaned in close.

"I'll save you a spot, Sammy." Dean said, grinning up at him with a sparkle in his eye.

The younger brother laughed at the nickname that never went away and held his brother's hand.

"I look forward to it." he said, grinning at him.

Dean sighed and became serious.

"Burn my body, Sam. There's no coming back and I don't want anything happening. Cremation is the only way to go." he instructed.

"Of course." Sam nodded, solemn as well.

"Take care of your woman. I'd hate to have to come down and smack you over the head. I'll do it." he warned him.

"I have no doubt."

Dean lifted his hand and patted his brother's cheek.

"See you soon, little brother."

Sam inhaled deeply and held back tears as he bent down and embraced his brother.

"I love you, Dean." He murmured in a low voice that only the man in the bed could hear.

Dean sighed heavily and nodded, patting Sam's back.

"Love you too, Sam." He answered as he pulled away.

Marissa stepped up to Dean next, pressing a kiss to his forehead with a promise to take care of Sam while he couldn't.

"Tell Kevin we'll be waiting on him too." Dean said, nodding at the couple as they embraced.

Castiel went to the bed again and sat next to Dean, holding his hand as his breathing became even more labored. Sam and Marissa sat on the other side watching in silence. After thirty minutes, Dean went to sleep. The doctor came in a few minutes later to place an oxygen mask on his face. It wasn't necessary because it wouldn't prolong his life. It was just protocol. Castiel ensured that his grace remained flowing through Dean's body and keeping him painless. Once his heart began struggling to beat, he glanced up at Sam and nodded.

The younger Winchester reached out as tears filled his eyes and took Dean's hand. Marissa laid her hand over their joined hands and they all waited. Minutes passed and his heart slowed more and more as his breathing came out in deep huffs. Cas bent his head over Dean's chest and fought back his own emotions as his husband slowly perished in the bed. Marissa reached out and stroked his hair softly, comforting him as tears fell from his eyes. Finally, the continuous beep filled the room accompanied by a soft sob from Marissa. Castiel lifted his head to see his husband's face at peace, a slight smile on his face as if he knew in his final moments that he was only going to a better place.

Castiel stood slowly, releasing Dean's hand. Sam sighed and stood as well, moving around the bed slowly. He didn't say anything, just pulling Castiel in and embracing him.

"I'll be seeing you, Sam." Cas said as he hugged him back.

"Yeah, soon." Sam agreed, pulling away. "You're my brother, Castiel."

His hand laid on Cas's shoulder for a moment and he squeezed before moving away. Marissa hugged him tightly as she could, knowing that he could handle it as she laid her head on his chest.

"You're a good friend and brother, Cas. I know you're a great angel and that you'll take care of Dean until we get there." she said, pulling away and looking up at him.

Castiel reached out and put his hand on her cheek.

"Mary Winchester will love you when you two meet." He said simply.

Marissa grinned and stepped back into Sam's embrace.

"They'll ask questions about why I disappeared." Cas said, looking at Sam.

"I'll come up with something to tell them. I used to lie all the time, I bet I can brush off my dishonesty and use it." Sam said, smiling slightly.

Castiel nodded before looking back at his husband's body.

"The nurses will be coming in a few moments." He said simply.

"Bye Cas." Sam said as Marissa waved at him.

He smiled back at them before closing his eyes and disappearing from the room.

* * *

When he landed at the gates of heaven, Gabriel was waiting on him. His head automatically turned and he glanced at the line of souls waiting to be judged by Saint Peter.

"He's not there, brother." Gabriel said, gesturing to the doors as they opened.

"Where is he?" Castiel asked with concern.

The archangel simply smiled and led him through the gates. Instead of walking into the center of the city, they were standing in a large banquet hall. When Castiel saw what was standing before him, he forgot the strange location and his eyes widened as he stopped short. The outward vessel of the being before him was familiar, too familiar. But he could see past it to the power and glory that stood before him. The urge to drop to his knees filled him and he barely repressed it as the being turned to him.

"Father." He breathed, not caring that it was Chuck Shurley that he was looking at.

He looked much cleaner and his suit was pure white as if it was made from the purest of cloths.

"Castiel." He said, reaching out and patting the angel's arm. "I have waited for your return to heaven for many years. I watched over you and the Winchesters. It has been an adventurous lifetime for you, has it not?"

Castiel nodded, bowing his head. Chuck laughed and lifted his head.

"I am glad that you are back, Castiel. Now… enjoy your reward." He said, stepping aside and gesturing to the soul standing behind him.

Castiel stared with wonder as he looked upon Dean's heavenly body for the first time. His youthful appearance returned. The wrinkles were smoothed out and his eyes were a bright green. His hair was no longer grey but rather the light brown color that Cas hadn't seen in years. He was back in the clothes that he'd often donned when hunting. But none of that was as remarkable as what was different about him. The two golden brown wings extending from his back were what drew his attention. He stepped forward hesitantly and took in the difference with amazed eyes. Dean looked uncertain, shifting from foot to foot as Castiel studied him.

"Well? What do you think?" he asked nervously.

A smile finally broke out on Castiel's face when it finally occurred to him that his beloved was an angel much like himself.

"You are beautiful." he breathed, moving forward and reaching out.

His hand ran through the silky feathers and Dean's breath caught in his throat. He reached out and grasped Cas's arm at the strange yet amazing feeling that it gave him. Gabriel laughed and stepped forward.

"Looks like you're going to have to teach him the ins and outs of wings, brother." he said.

Castiel didn't answer, still awestruck by the appendages.

"Chuck… erm… God… offered it to me. He said that I can live as a soul or I can be an angel like you. I asked him what it would entail because I really didn't want to be a soldier. He said that I would live my eternity however I wanted but being an angel entitled me to be on the same level as you and it enabled me to claim you as my own in the heavenly way instead of just the earthly way. I'm not sure what that means but…"

"My mate." Castiel interrupted him. "It means you'll be my mate and I'll be yours."

Dean allowed a slow smile to spread across his face.

"I like the sound of that. So… you think I made the right choice?" he asked.

Cas smiled and leaned in, brushing his lips over Dean's.

"I think you made the perfect choice." He said, sliding his hands into Dean's hair and wings.

"That feels awesome." Dean mumbled, leaning against Castiel.

"Yes, when mates touch each other's wings it can feel amazing and even overwhelming." He said.

Dean pulled away and frowned.

"That's cheating though! You can touch my wings all you want but I can't touch yours?"

Gabriel stepped away, shaking his head.

"I'm gonna go ahead and go before the wing touching starts. Pops?" he said, glancing at his father.

"Yes, we should go. I'm certain there's some matter that must be attended to."

Once they were gone with smiles shot at the two angels, Castiel turned to Dean with a soft smile. Suddenly, with a look of concentration, his wings were spreading out of his back. They were larger than Dean's because of his age. Because he was in a human vessel, only two of his wings showed. The dark brown, almost black wings shone in the light of the room and Dean's eyes searched them hungrily.

"They're beautiful." he breathed.

"So are yours." Castiel informed him.

Dean smiled at him before reaching out and brushing his hand through the wings in the same way that Castiel did to his. The dark-haired angel sighed and reached out, clenching a hand on Dean's arm. Since Dean was his only mate, this was the first time he'd felt such a thing. It was a stronger feeling of completion than any orgasm that the human body could create.

"Amazing." Dean sighed, leaning in to kiss Castiel.

"Your family is waiting on us." He said against his husband's lips.

Dean groaned and pulled away.

"They've waited a long time, they can wait a few more minutes." He said, still stroking Cas's wing.

Cas pulled away from him and folded his wings behind his back.

"There is something you need to know about being an angel with a mate." He said, moving around Dean to stand behind him.

He leaned forward and nuzzled his lover's neck, his hands sliding into his soft feathers that could become razor sharp as soon as danger was imminent.

"There is a reason that Gabriel and my father left us. Wing touching is very intimate." He whispered in Dean's ear.

The lighter haired man allowed his head to fall back to give Castiel more access. Cas moved his mouth and skimmed it over the top of Dean's wings, causing the other man to jerk and clutch at his own jacket for something to hold onto.

"Cas." He groaned, his wings spreading as if to allow him more access to the golden brown appendages.

Castiel drew away and walked around him once more, pressing a kiss to his lips.

"We have plenty of time for that, forever in fact. For now, your family has been waiting for years to see you again and we won't disappoint them." he said, smoothing down the feathers on the top of Dean's wings.

Dean sighed and agreed, leaning in to kiss him once more.

"Okay, but you have to teach me how to invisible-ify my wings like you do. I'm not walking around with these things trailing behind me while I bump into everything." Dean said.

Castiel nodded and with a slight look of concentration, his wings were no longer visible.

"All you have to do is concentrate on what you want to happen. It's not difficult as long as you can focus." He said.

Dean took a deep breath and steeled himself. His teeth clenched and he squinted, staring straight forward with a firm expression. Instead of disappearing, his wings fluttered and stretched out completely. Castiel chuckled and the former hunter gave him an unamused look.

"Try again." He urged him.

Dean huffed and closed his eyes, concentrating. This time, Castiel reached out with his grace and mingled it with Dean's own grace. He could feel that Dean's emotions were all over the place and he was overwhelmed. Cas used his grace to soothe Dean and he reacted immediately. His grace curled into Castiel's and allowed him in. When the wings disappeared, Dean opened his eyes and grinned.

"Thanks Cas." He said.

"Thank you." Castiel replied, his grateful reply obviously responding to the lifetime that they had together.

Dean pulled him in and kissed him deeply.

"Time for a family reunion?" he sighed once he leaned away.

Castiel nodded, sliding his hand into Dean's and they walked towards the door together.

* * *

They'd been wandering around the city for a long time when they finally came across Bobby and another familiar face.

"Hey Bobby." Dean said, grinning at him.

"Stop standing there you idjit and give me a hug." Bobby grumbled, yanking him in and squeezing him tightly.

Dean laughed and hugged him back, patting the his back.

"Good to see you again." The new angel said as he pulled away.

He looked past Bobby and grinned at his companion.

"Hey kid." Ellen said, stepping forward with an eye-crinkling smile.

"Ellen." He nodded, pulling her in for a hug as well.

She turned to Castiel once they pulled away.

"I hope you know what you've gotten yourself into, angel. There's gonna be a lot of people around you from now on." She said, looking him up and down.

Castiel smiled, taking Dean's hand in his again.

"It's worth it." he said.

Bobby smirked as Ellen laughed and shook her head.

"Ain't they adorable?" the gruff former hunter said, readjusting his hat before taking Ellen's hand.

They walked off, obviously expecting Dean and Castiel to follow them.

"So what exactly did you do to get upgraded to winged status?" Bobby questioned.

"I'm the Righteous Man." Dean said proudly, grinning at Castiel as he puffed his chest out.

"It would throw heaven off balance if an angel was mated with a soul. The other angels wouldn't understand even if it was the Righteous Man. Gabriel and my father most likely wanted to keep that from happening." Cas commented.

Dean deflated and stared over at him as Bobby and Ellen laughed.

"One thing, Cas. You can't let me have one thing." He sighed.

"I believe that I've let you have everything." Castiel replied.

"All right quit it you two. You sound like an old married couple." Bobby grumbled.

"We are an old married couple." Dean reminded him, perking up as he grinned over at his husband.

Both of their rings were still sitting proudly on their left hands.

"They really are adorable." Ellen commented as they stared deep into each other's eyes.

"Sickeningly." Bobby commented.

* * *

After a long time of walking and talking with the two, they came to a large manor that seemed to be outside the city but somehow still within it at the same time. Before they could ask where they were, the door flew open and Dean's breath caught in his throat. Mary Winchester stepped out with a smile as bright as her white sundress. She bounded down the stairs and took her oldest son in her arms without a moment of hesitation.

"Hey Mom." Dean murmured, holding her close to him as he buried his head in her hair.

"Dean." She breathed, pressing her face into his chest.

Castiel stepped to the side and watched. Movement from the house attracted his eye and he watched warily as John walked out followed by several other people that he recognized from Dean's life, including Jo, Ash, Pamela, and his grandparents from both sides. When Dean lifted his head and saw John descending the steps, he automatically straightened up. Mary noticed his change in demeanor and glanced back to see her husband walking towards them.

"Dad." Dean said, nodding at him.

Mary moved away from them and Castiel tensed up a little when she stood beside him.

"Hello Castiel." She said, smiling up at him.

"Hello Mrs. Winchester." He greeted respectfully.

She let out a laugh and took his hand, squeezing it lightly.

"Not Mrs. Winchester, Mary. You're my son-in-law, after all." Mary instructed him.

Castiel nodded and looked up to see Dean watching his husband and his mother for a moment with a tender expression before he looked back at his father.

"Dad." He said, nodding stiffly.

"Hey Dean." The older Winchester said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

They stood facing each other for a moment before John's face softened.

"It's real good to see you, son." He said.

Dean sighed and relaxed, moving forward.

"You too, Dad." He said, putting one arm around his father's neck.

John leaned into the embrace, pulling his hands out to thump his son's back a few times. When they pulled away, Dean didn't hesitate to turn to Castiel and Mary.

"Dad, Mom, this is my husband, Castiel." He said, reaching out towards him.

Cas took his hand, stepping forward and nodding at his father-in-law.

"Mr. Winchester."

John studied him for several moments, his eyes traveling all over him.

"Please…" he said, holding out a hand. "… call me John."

Castiel let out a sigh and reached towards him, shaking his hand firmly.

"Call me Cas, then." He replied.

They met each other's eyes and a mutual respect passed between them before Cas stepped back to stand between Dean and Mary once again.

"All right, all right… let me at them." Jo said, pushing through the crowd with a grin before she launched at Dean and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Sorry about trying to kill you, Winchester."

Dean let out a chuckle and hugged her back.

"Trust me, it's forgotten." He assured her.

"C'mon, there's a lot of people who want to see you." the tiny blonde said, seizing Dean's hand and dragging him up to the house.

Dean clutched Cas's hand and pulled him along. Mary clutched at Cas's arm laughing and grabbed her husband at the last moment as they formed a chain running into the house. Dean stopped before they were dragged inside and pulled him in for a long kiss.

"Forever." He sighed happily.

"Forever." Castiel agreed, smiling as if the idea was the best one he'd ever heard.

* * *

Dean was practically vibrating as they stood in front of the gates.

"Does everyone need to be here?" he said, glancing back at the crowd behind them.

"They're all very excited." Castiel said, calming him as he rubbed Dean's shoulder.

He sighed and relaxed, leaning into him.

"How long has it been?" He murmured.

"Six years on earth." Cas answered.

The gates creaked open and Dean shot forward like a bullet. Before the new soul could step fully through the doors, he was yanked into his brother's arms.

"Told you I would save you a spot, Sammy." He said.

Sam grinned, his long brown hair flopping into his face as he embraced his brother. When they separated, the younger Winchester didn't hesitate to pull Cas into a hug as well.

"We've been waiting on you, all of us." He whispered in his brother-in-law's ear.

"All?" Sam questioned, pulling away.

Castiel and Dean moved to let him see the group waiting on him. A grin broke out on Sam's face and he hurried forward to greet their family. Dean pulled Castiel forward into the fray, all of them chattering at once as they led Sam through the crowd of angels and souls back to the home that they shared. Castiel reached out and put his hand on Dean's chest. Despite the fact that he died in the hospital bed, his body was brought back alive by his reformation as an angel. A heart thumped in his chest and Castiel easily felt the beat.

"What are you doing?" Dean questioned, looking down at him with a soft smile.

Castiel grinned at him.

"Feeling." He said simply.

"Feeling?"

Cas nodded, pulling Dean in for a soft kiss.

"Alive, not dead…. forever." He whispered into his lips.

* * *

**THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN! You're all amazing and thank you for making writing this story such a rewarding experience. **


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